Betcha Just Might Swallow Your Tongue
by jcon539
Summary: Radiant Garden Mental Facilaty is wonderful place to regain your sanity. We offer group therapy, shock treatments, and an array of medications to keep the voices out of your head. We do all we can to make sure your stay is comfortable.
1. Axel: Welcome

**My new story! I made them crazy. In a mental place. The point of views will change.**

**So some will be really trippy depending on how crazy the person is.**

**Read it!**

**Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. But the story is.**

* * *

Chapter 1

This is great!

Man my life is amazing!

Who wouldn't want to be here?

You'd have to be crazy to pass up the chance at a stay in Radiant Gardens Mental Health Facility!

Well actually **not** crazy. Considering they only let the crazies in.

I'd be one of those crazies.

I know I'm crazy. I love fire. I love the power. I love the smell of smoke. I could sit and stare at the flames dance around for hours. I like to set different things on fire just to see what colors or how strong the flames would be. Fire is my form of entertainment. Some kids watch TV, I make campfires in my backyard.

I thought back to how I ended up here. It's not really my fault.

* * *

_I was watching my brother's sneakers burn. I could see the reds and oranges and yellows consume the shoes. I could smell the burning rubber. I could hear the crackling and melting. If I breathed through my mouth I could taste the smoke. _

_I wondered what fire actually felt like. I know it's hot. _

_But were the flames smooth feeling? _

_Or were they sharp?_

_I reached out and set my hand right on the flame. It hurt at first. But I didn't let myself pull back. My hand blistered and the skin started to melt away. I was fascinated._

_The fire caught the hairs on my arm on fire. It had spread to my wrist when my brother wrenched open to the door to the backyard._

"_God damn it Axel! Those are my sneakers! Burn your own shoes!" He screamed at me._

_Reno ran up to me prepared to yell some more. But he froze when he saw what I was doing._

"_Axel stop it! What the fuck do you think you're doing! Stop it!" he yelled at me._

_I just ignored him. I was staring at my hand. It was just so beautiful. Reno's voice was just like background music. Annoying background music I could ignore. _

_He grabbed my shoulder and jerked me back from the burning shoes. Only then did I actually acknowledge his presence._

_I reached my hand up towards him with a small smile on my lips. _

"_Look at me…I'm burning," I said dreamily._

_Reno leaned away from me his eyes wide with fear. He ripped off his jacket and wrapped it around my arm smothering the flames._

_The fire was gone. The bright burning beautiful fire was gone._

_I stared at the blistered and charred flesh on my arm. It was so ugly. The fire was so pretty. But it made my arm so ugly._

* * *

I can dimly remember the ambulance ride with the EMTs picking off the dead flesh. It hurt really badly. But I didn't make a sound. I didn't grimace in pain. I just stared straight ahead. It was like I was a zombie.

Reno on the other hand was freaking out. He shook me trying to get me to say something. He called mom telling her what happened. He told the doctors what I did to my arm. I think he cried at one point.

The doctors drugged me so I'd fall asleep and they could fix my arm.

When I woke up I was back to my normal self. I could talk. I felt fine. My arm hurt a bit but I was fine. I was ready to go home. But the hospital did some psycho analyzing shit on me. They said I was unstable.

That I needed help.

That I was a pyromaniac.

They made Mom and Reno believe them. They made Mom sign papers to send me to Radiant Gardens.

So that's why I was currently sitting in the lounge area with a bunch of crazies.

"Hello! I'm the Great Ninja Yuffie! Are you new?" asked some girl with short black hair and a wide smile on her face. She sat down next to me on the couch and looked at me expectantly.

"Um? You're a ninja?" I said uncertain how crazy this girl could be. She looked normal. But earlier I had made the mistake of thinking this guy named Hatter was normal.

He wasn't, enough said.

"Oh yes! I'm a black belt. I've saved the world many times with my skills," said Yuffie quite perkily. Her smile faded a bit and her eyes got sad, "But nobody ever believes me."

Suddenly she got up and retreated from the room. I stared after her a bit confused.

"Yuffie's really nice. But she's delusional. Don't mind her," said a kid with spiky brown hair sitting in one of the armchairs across from me. "I'm Sora. What's your name?"

"I'm Axel. Before you say anything are you as insane as the rest of these people?" I said warily.

"Hahaha. No. I'm just a little OCD. But I'm getting better now. So it's not as bad. Do you want to go to the art room with me? It's boring in here," said Sora with a friendly look on his face.

"Sure why not," I sighed. I got up and followed Sora to the art room down the hall.

The art room was very bright. There were many drawings proudly hung up on the wall. Most of the drawings looked like they were made by a retarded five year old. There were only two other people in the room. One was a girl with shoulder length blonde hair and clear blue eyes sitting in the corner scribbling furiously in a sketchbook. The other was a boy sitting at one of the tables lazily swiping a pencil across a piece of paper.

He had blonde hair spiked up to one side and very bright blue eyes. He looked really skinny, almost too skinny.

Sora went and sat next to the blonde boy. I followed.

"Hey Roxas this is Axel! He's new," said Sora.

Roxas didn't reply. He just kept drawing on his paper. He was drawing a very detailed picture of a cake. I was feeling an awkward silence so I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"That's a really good picture. It looks like you could actually eat the cake." I smiled trying to be friendly. If I was stuck here it wouldn't hurt to make some friends.

"Yes. Yes it does," replied Roxas very softly. He crumpled up his drawing and stuffed it in his mouth. Then chewed and swallowed it.

"Roxas that paper is dirty!" said Sora in a shocked tone.

I stared at the little blonde kid. He looked really happy, like he actually had just taken a bite out of a birthday cake instead of eating paper.

_These people are going to drive me insane. Well…more insane._ I thought to myself

* * *

**I hope you liked it!**

**I'll try to update my other story soon. **

**I just needed to write this one first.**

**Review it? Tell me how much you loved it?/Tell me how much you hated it.**


	2. Riku: Manic

**I really like this chapter. Riku has an anger issue. **

**Manic Depressive. Bipolar.**

**Whatever you want to call it.**

**I usually never get mad. So sorry if I mess up the anger parts.**

**Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine.**

* * *

Chapter 2

"Fuck you! I don't need to you tell me what to fucking do!" I screamed at the smug nurse.

I slammed my fist into the wall. I wanted to punch that bitch so bad. But I don't hit girls. I'm not my dad. I wouldn't ever punch a girl like what he did to my mom. That's just weak. I'm not weak.

"Now Riku, you need to learn to control your anger to get better. Don't abuse the walls," said the nurse with a small smile.

She was enjoying this! She liked making me upset.

I took a shaky breathe trying to fight the hot feeling of rage bubbling up in my stomach. If I didn't control it then I would just black out and wake up punching the shit out of something or someone.

"Whatever cunt," I turned and walked down the hall away from the nurse. She always makes a point to piss me off. She just loves my reactions. The staff here is a joke. They don't help us.

I stormed into my room. I had to share with this neat freak named Sora. My therapist said I needed to get use to being around people. So he made me share my room.

I came in and collapsed on my bed trying to focus on making my mind empty. I didn't want to think about anything.

I don't want to feel anything.

I wish I could have some sedatives. But I can only get them by having a meltdown, which I didn't want to happen.

_Calm I am Calm. Calm I am Calm. Calm I am Calm. _

That was the mantra repeating itself in my head. I was cooling down when another irritation decided to show up.

"Hey Riku, how are you? It's a great day isn't it? There's a new guy named Axel. I'm not sure why he's here. His arm is all bandaged up. Oh gosh this room is messy," said Sora in his ever present happiness.

He started smoothing his perfectly made bed. I was trying to ignore him. But then he comes over to **my** bed and tugging at the comforter trying to straighten it.

I sat up fast and shove him away.

"Don't touch my stuff," I said as calm as I could. Sora was really nice to me. I didn't want to yell and make him cry…again.

"Okay. I'm sorry. It's just not straight. But I won't let that bother me. It doesn't bother me," said Sora. His eye twitched slightly and he sat down on his bed clasping his hands.

"Wow you're really getting better," I said carefully. Sora always likes to talk about how much progress he's making. In my opinion he just covers up his neat freak ways very well.

"Oh yes. Dr. Ansem told me I was making progress quickly. I'll probably get to go home soon," replied Sora happily. I heard nurses talking about him yesterday. They said Ansem told them to up his meds. Which means Sora isn't getting better. I felt bad for him. He was so hopeful.

"That's really great Sora," I said half heartily.

_Ding Ding Ding_

The bell for lunch rang. I got up and walked out of the room. When I looked back Sora was straightening my bed.

* * *

Meal times were always very hectic, all the psychos in one room at the same time, the nursing staff running around calming down the patients.

I sat down at my usual table with some of the patients that don't piss me off as much as the others. Which included a guy named Zexion. He had weird purplish hair that hung in his face. He cut himself and ended up here.

There was Roxas. He was really weird. I'm not sure why he was here. He didn't talk much. Demyx also sat with us. He had this weird spiked up mullet hair thing going on. Demyx had two personalities. One was really happy and bubbly. But the other was serious and mean, sometimes violent. The violent one rarely came out though.

Sora usually sat with us. But he was probably straightening my bed still.

I started eating my sandwich when Sora walked up leading a guy with flaming red hair and triangle tattoos under his eyes.

"This is Axel; he's new, Axel that's Riku, Demyx, and Zexion. You already met Roxas." With that Sora and Axel sat down.

Roxas stared at the table. He didn't eat his sandwich. He never ate. Maybe he's anorexic? That would make sense.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud yelling.

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO AMONG MAD PEOPLE!" screamed a blonde girl in a blue dress. I think her name is Alice. A nurse was dragging her by the wrist to a table.

I turned back around and looked at Demyx who was giggling.

"What's your damage?" I spat out at him.

"Haha…I don't know…hahaha….it's just funny…," Demyx said between fits of laughter.

I just stared at him. My shoulders tensed up. His laughing was making me angry. I don't like when people laugh. It made me feel like they were laughing at me. Demyx is an idiot. I just want to rip his vocal cords out so he could never laugh again.

"Sooo….are you prematurely gray or something?" I whipped my head over to the dumbass that said that, the new guy, Axel.

I tried to fight it. I really did.

I sprang up from the table and punched him right in the face. He toppled out of his chair with a cry of surprise.

I stood over him my breath ragged.

I wanted to kick him!

Stomp on his face.!

But I stopped myself. I won't give in!

I. Am. Not. Weak.

"Say something about my hair again and I will rip yours out strand by fucking strand," I yelled down at him.

"What the hell! Dude calm down!" He said raising his hands up in an 'I give up' gesture.

"Don't tell me to calm down! You can't tell me what to do you dumb fuck!" I screamed as a male nurse grabbed me from behind.

"NOOO! Let me GO! Get the fuck off me! You're lucky Axel! Count your blessings! I am going to stomp your face in!" I wailed as the nurse tried to drag me off.

I fought back with all my strength. Another nurse had to come help restrain me.

This was really pissing me off! Why are they touching me! I don't want them to touch me!

"Get off me you-," I was cut off as a syringe was stabbed in my arm.

Oh great, sedatives, just what I wanted earlier.

The nurses had successfully dragged me out of the cafeteria and were strapping me down to a gurney with the padded leather straps.

I fought back but my strength was failing me. The drug was making me weak. I collapsed back on the gurney. I am weak.

I gave in to my anger.

I am weak.

My vision started to darken. I tried to fight it.

But I gave in.

I gave in to the darkness.

I am weak.

Worthless.

Broken.

.........

* * *

**Mmm. I should warn you. Theres going to be a LOT of freak outs.**

**It'd be boring without them.**

**And they are too fun to write.**

**Im debating who the next POV should be. Roxas or Demyx?**

**Review! They make me all happy and hyper.**


	3. Roxas: Colors

**I got into it. I wrote for like four hours.**

**I have mono...again.**

**No more kissing for me. **

**So this i probaly what I'll be doing to stay awake.**

**Lucky for the readers. =)**

**If there are any?**

* * *

Chapter 3

Riku turned red today.

He let the colors control him.

He needs to learn to control the colors.

I learned to a long time ago.

I felt like pacing. So I walked up and down the hallway.

_Down_

_Turn_

_Back_

_Turn_

_Down_

_Turn_

_Back_

The evil ones all dressed in white walked past me. I wish I wore white. And they were the ones locked up. **Then** it'd be different.

They are actually locked up though.

I'm **free**.

My mind is **free**.

I imagined throwing a rock in my head. It echoed five times.

Five is a good number. Five fingers on my hands. Five points on a star. I once held a starfish in my hand. Five is good.

Preoccupied by my thoughts I walked into something solid and stumbled back. I breathed evenly through my nose and looked at the floor. I could see the reflection of one of the Whitelocked. I knew him, from somewhere. But I couldn't remember where. I looked up straight into his face, trying to remember. This was important. It felt like I should know him.

He had black hair.

"I know you from somewhere," I informed him.

"Well jeez Roxas, I sure hope you would know me! I'm friends with your brother Cloud. My name is Zack. I help take care of you everyday here. Ring any bells?" He said with a friendly smile on his face.

It was a fake smile. He was making up colors to fool me. When he said Zack it clicked. He was the one that made Cloud send me here. I don't like him. He brainwashes people.

I didn't answer his question. I just resumed my pacing. He's not worth my time.

"Hey wait Roxas! You have group therapy," he yelled after me. The fake smile was gone. He looked sad now. But he could be faking this too.

I turned around and walked into the lounge room. There were chairs arranged in a circle. I hated circles. They were never ending. I couldn't get out of a circle. They trapped people.

I scooted my chair slightly out of the circle and pulled my legs up to my chest. The other patients in my group session were sitting around happily chatting, waiting for their minds to be brainwashed by a Whitelocked.

"Okay guys lets get started with this," announced Leon, the Whitelock in charge of this. "We have a new patient today. His name is Axel. Would you like to share why you are here Axel?"

"Uhhh sure. They said I'm a pyromaniac," replied Axel obviously uncomfortable.

His color was very dark purple.

"You don't think you're a pyro then?" asked Demyx.

"Well…no…yeah…I guess. I like fire a lot. But it's not like it's a big deal," said Axel looking even more uncomfortable.

"You wouldn't be sent here if it wasn't a big deal you idiot," spat out Larxene. I find her to be a very unpleasant person. Her color is red almost all the time.

"I just got carried away. I don't want to talk about it," replied Axel, his color turning a darker purple.

"Leon is Riku okay? He never came back after he got angry," asked Sora raising his arm. I liked Sora. I'm not sure why though.

"He was sedated. He won't wake up for a couple hours. Don't worry about him, he'll be fine," said Leon.

"He freaked out again? That's harsh. Who set him off this time?" asked Xigbar. He had an eye patch and a surfer accent. It's hard not to like that.

Surfer+Pirate=Xigbar

I smiled at this thought. It's just a good combination. I liked when things mix together and make something totally new, but still had the quality of what made it.

"I did, I'm sorry. I just hate awkward silences. He looked mad. I wanted to cheer him up," Axel said sheepishly. Sheepishly. Sheepishly. Sheepishly.

_Bah, bah, black sheep,_

_Have you any wool?_

_Yes, marry have I,_

_Three bags full;_

_One for my master,_

_One for my dame_

_But none for the little boy_

_Who cries in the lane._

"….as? Roxas? Hey! Roxas!"

I was pulled from my thoughts again by Leon the Whitelock. I looked at him. I was laughing a little. I always loved that nursery rhyme. It made me happy.

"Why are you laughing? Do you think its funny Riku had a meltdown?" seethed Leon. Leon didn't like me. I can't remember why though. I did something to him. He holds grudges.

I stopped laughing. Whitelocks take all my happiness away. I fixed a very serious expression on my face and looked him in the eye, "I have no comment."

"You're repressing your thoughts Roxas. This is a free area. You need to share with the group." I imagined an 'or else' at the end of that.

I was about to reply with a boring comment when somthing tugged at my mind.

I looked over at Axel. I stared straight into his emerald eyes…looking.

He looked confused.

But under it, he looked angry.

He looked red.

"You're never going home," I said to him.

The room was quiet.

Everyone was confused now.

Then I got up and walked out of the circle, the circle that traps people.

The circle of people telling their tragic life stories over and over, thinking it would cure them.

But all it did was give their **souls** to the Whitelocks.

You can't ever get out of the circle without a **soul**.

* * *

_Shove_

"_NO!"_

_Bang_

_Crashcrashcrashcrashcrashcrash_

_Craaack_

"_Please state your emergency."_

I opened my eyes.

I always heard those noises when I tried to sleep.

It was like my brain wanted to make sure I wouldn't ever forget it.

I sighed and rolled over onto my stomach.

My stomach growled but I didn't feel hungry.

I rarely did.

I skipped dinner today.

The Whitelocks had to force feed me a couple times. I shudder at the memories of that.

I wish I had a bouncy ball to throw at the ceiling. It'd help me fall asleep. It'd take my mind off things. I wish I could forget the bad stuff. I wish I got hit on the head hard enough to erase the memories. I want to walk around living a lie instead of knowing how terrible I was.

The door opened. A Whitelock girl came in with the Axel guy following behind her.

"Hello Roxas, Axel is your new roomy. I hope you guys get along. Pills are going to be passed out in ten minutes. Listen for the bell." With that she walked out of the room leaving us alone.

Axel stood there awkwardly before sitting on the other twin bed in the cramped room. The walls were white, which I didn't mind. But the bed spreads were blue. That made me uneasy. I didn't like the color blue very much. I don't want it to seep off the bedspread into me. So I usually didn't sleep with blankets no matter how cold it was.

"What do you mean I'm never going home? I'll get out of here eventually," asked Axel looking at me.

"I'm not sure what I meant. I just said it. You made me think it. It's not my fault," I said back softly.

"That doesn't make any sense though! Why can't I just have a straight answer! What is your problem kid?" He yelled at me.

The red was getting stronger around him.

He made me feel the red.

It hurt me.

My skin burned.

"Stop! Please stop it!" I gasped.

"What? Roxas? Are you okay?" He asked anxiously. He got up and walked to my side of the room. The red was gone now. It retreated back into him as quickly as it came out.

_Ding Ding Ding_

I didn't answer him I just got up and walked out into the hall to stand in line for my pills.

I took the Dixie cup filled with a round white pill, a round blue pill, and a triangular white pill and swallowed them with a gulp of water.

Part of me wanted to take a bite out of the Dixie cup, like in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The part in the candy room and a flower turns into a teacup and he bites into it. I wondered if the Dixie cup would taste sweet like the flower probably did.

But before I could try the cup, Zack took the cup out of my hand and put it in the trash can.

I was disappointed.

I walked back to my room.

I felt a bit woozy.

I rammed my shoulder into a wall.

I couldn't stay up straight.

They must have upped my dosage for my sleep meds.

I never felt like this after the pills usually.

Somehow I made it to my room and collapsed on my bed. I curled into a ball and let the drugs overtake me.

* * *

"Shhh, come on kid! Wake up!" Someone nudge me hard in the ribs.

I opened my eyes blearily to see dark figures hovering over me.

_Aliens?_

I was lifted up and half carried, half dragged, out and down the hall into a brightly lit room.

There was a bed there. The figures set me down on it and started strapping my arms and legs down with the padded restraints.

_This doesn't usually happen? Does it?_

A mouth guard was shoved in my mouth. I gagged and tried to spit it out but I couldn't. My tongue felt funny.

_Am I dreaming?_

The figures started attaching wires and cords to my arms and chest.

_Where's my shirt?_

I tried to see the figures faces but the light behind them was too bright and my eyes were all blurry.

Something was set on my head.

"Three volts," said one of the figures. It was a man's voice.

_Volts?_

ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzZZz!

My eyes widened and I bit down on the mouth guard.

My legs and arms were tensing and untensing wildly, fighting against the restraints on their own accord.

I couldn't breathe,

I couldn't think,

I could only see black with little circles of white popping up.

As soon as it happened it stopped.

I gasped for air but ended up choking on the mouth guard. Tears were running down my face.

"Are you okay Roxas? This is going to help you get better, just relax," said the man's voice.

_Help me? I want to be better...._

"Five volts now."

_NO! WAIT!_

Again I heard the horrible buzzing. My body arched up. But this time it was different. I heard something.

"_You're going to be staying with me from now on."_

_I could feel someone rustling my hair._

"_Everything is going to be better now."_

_But it wasn't._

This went on three more times, the volts being increased to nine. I didn't hear anything else. I just blacked out after the last one sweating and trying to get as much air as I could breathing through my nose.

"Take him back to his room," said the man's voice.

I was freed from the restraints and the mouth guard was taken out of my mouth.

I couldn't move.

My limbs twitched.

I was dragged back to my room and put in my bed. They put the blue covers on me. I couldn't push them off me, even though I wanted to. I still couldn't move.

I stared up at the ceiling.

I didn't sleep the rest of the night afraid the figures would come back.

* * *

**Okay. I'm going to put somthing happy somewhere in the next one.**

**This is just like....unhappy to the max.**

**Thank you for reading! (If these readers exist?)**

**Review? I enjoy them.**

**Even the weird ones....with people talking to their imaginary friend? haha**


	4. Zexion: Hopeful?

**I'm starting to doubt my writing skills.**

**I think I need more detail.**

**But I don't want to make it long and boring.**

**Disclaimer: I own the plot only**

* * *

Chapter 4

Today was a boring day. Well what day isn't boring here? We do the same stuff on the same schedule everyday. What's the point?

'_No negative thoughts Zexion'_ I thought to myself.

I looked back down at my book. Greatest Discoveries of the Twentieth Century. It was actually a good book. Mostly just facts but I like facts.

I turned a page and my sleeve slipped up on my wrist revealing dozens of scars in ordered lines. Most of the scars were across the wrist. But there was one that was deeper and fresher than the others that went from my wrist to the crook of my elbow.

'_Up the road, not across the street' _I thought sarcastically to myself.

Suddenly I felt disgusted with myself for even joking about this. This wasn't funny. This is serious! This was my life! The scars were what I did to my life. How I fucked up my life.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust and hastily pulled my sleeve down. I glanced around quickly checking to see if anyone saw me looking at my arm.

Sora and Riku were sitting over on the couch watching a movie. Riku came back this morning. He apologized to Axel for punching him and wouldn't talk to anyone but Sora after that. He was in a surely mood.

Ha, like I even care.

Luxord the drug addict was challenging the gender identity crisis guy, Marluxia, to cards. Larxene, Hatter, and Yuffie were sitting around watching them. Well, Larxene was probably helping Luxord cheat at cards.

"How'd you get an ace, Luxord?" raged Marluxia.

"I am just an excellent card player and you bloody well know that flower-boy," replied Luxord with a grin on his face.

"You cheated me! Everyone knows you don't play fair," exclaimed Marluxia his face getting red.

"Oh now now, that's just ridiculous! You need some tea Marly. You're not thinking wrong," lisped Hatter. He had a habit of talking with his tongue stuck out.

I sighed and looked away from the argument going on at the card game.

I looked in the corner of the room to see Demyx staring back at me.

He saw the scars.

I could tell.

His eyes were wide with shock. I felt shame. I don't want anyone to see how stupid I am, especially Demyx.

I don't really want to deal with this right now.

I grabbed my book and left the lounge and headed for the art room. It's usually quiet in there. Roxas and Namine are the only ones who go there usually.

I walked into the bright open room with wide windows in the back to let sunlight in. It was a very peaceful room. It can cheer me up usually. All the drawings and paints remind me of when I was a little kid. Back when stuff was simple.

I sat down at a table across from Roxas.

Roxas was never always there but today he looked totally lost, like he didn't even know his own name.

He had a bin of crayons in front of him and he was picking out all the yellow and white crayons mumbling to himself.

"Hello Roxas," I said trying to see if he would respond.

"I never meant to do it," he mumbled.

"Do what Roxas?" I asked my curiosity aroused.

But instead of answering he picked up a yellow crayon and bit the end off it. He chewed on the wax and then swallowed. He picked up a white crayon and ate that too.

I wasn't sure what to say. This was very odd behavior. Actually this is the first time I've ever seen this kid eat anything.

"Roxas? Why are you eating the crayons?" I asked slowly, carefully trying to not upset him.

He looked up and stared straight into my eyes. He looked terrified. Like the world was ending.

"There's too much _black._ I need _bright,"_ he replied with a nervous edge to his voice.

With that he started shoving the yellow and white crayons in his mouth.

Instead of trying to reason with him, because I learned you can't reason with crazy people, I went to find a nurse.

Nurse Aerith happened to be walking down the art hallway when I walked out of the room.

"Aerith, Roxas is eating crayons. You might want to stop him," I said lazily towards her.

"Oh no! Where is he?" asked Aerith her eyes wide with worry.

"The art room…where the crayons would be located," I replied. God some people were idiots.

With that she pushed past me into the art room and dragged Roxas out away from the crayons. He didn't fight her. He just let himself be led. His eyes found mine. They were blank and lifeless, like it was impossible for him to feel anything anymore. It really disturbed me.

I shuddered trying to forget that look.

I thought I was messed up. My problems were nothing compared to that kid. Part of me felt ashamed, but the other part wanted to cut. It wanted to cut away the shame.

I know it doesn't make sense, but that's my problem. I try to get rid of the feeling that should stop me from cutting by cutting. So it just keeps going on and getting worse until I can't take it anymore.

I go into the art room and start rooting around in drawers, looking for anything sharp. I ignored Namine sitting in the corner. She doesn't talk. She's of no importance to anyone. I don't care what she thinks about me.

I find an exacto knife. It's sharp. It's perfect.

I push my sleeve up and poise the knife over my arm.

I make a small cut and then cut on it again pushing slightly harder down to make it deeper. A trickle of blood runs down my arm.

I don't feel a high like I've heard people describe it. I just feel like an adrenaline rush from doing something I **know** is wrong.

It's an accomplishment to be able to do it and not be afraid of the pain. I control it.

I like the blood. Some people hate blood and faint at the sight of it, but I think it's fascinated.

I'm about to make another cut but I pause. This is the first time in two weeks. I was getting better and now I'm throwing away the progress. I remembered how sad Demyx looked when he heard I cut. I remembered Dr. Ansem telling me how I shouldn't let this rule my life. I remembered my best friend calling me sick and never talking to me again when he found out why I only wore long sleeves.

I'm stupid.

'_Why do I do this again?'_

I set the exacto knife back in the drawer and went to the sink and cleaned the cut and the blood off my arm. I'm not doing this anymore.

I'm not letting it control me anymore.

I'm done.

Im done being pathetic.

I pick up my book and walk out of the art room down the hall back into the lounge.

I sit in an arm chair near the window a small smile threatening to escape my lips.

"God damn it I knew you were cheating after the fifth round!" screamed Maluxia, his face now beet red with anger.

"Oh come now, I was just making the game interesting," said Luxord while he stood up and backed away.

"No need to throw a hissy fit Marly," cooed Larxene.

The room was filled with Hatter laughing maniacally, his arms in the air and his head thrown back.

"Shut the fuck up you psycho!" screamed Riku over at Hatter.

Suddenly Hatter stopped laughing and put his hands on his hips indignantly. "Well I never, some people are so rude," he said dramatically. He picked up the cards and put them in the band on his hat and stormed from the room.

My smile escaped and I cracked my book open to the dog-eared page.

I felt…..hopeful?

* * *

**The book Zexion is reading sits on my bookshelf.**

**It's very long and boring.**

**:)**

**Review?**


	5. Axel: Laugh

**Soooo I posted like friggin 3 chapters the other day. And my story didn't go on the update list thing.**

**It made me mad....eh.**

**Anyone ever seen Ginger Snaps? I love that movie!**

**I'm going to use their death idea for a photography project.**

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot.**

* * *

Chapter 5

I woke up to an empty room.

Roxas' blankets were thrown on the floor in a heap. His bed was empty.

I sat up and stretched my arms out relishing the cracking tendons in my back.

I slept well surprisingly. They must have given me sleeping pills.

"Oh good you're up! Here take these and get dressed," said a nice looking nurse with her brown hair tied back with a red ribbon. She handed me a Dixie cup with two white pills in it.

"What are these for?" I asked a little suspicious of the pills. I don't want to be all zoned out the whole day.

"Don't worry just anti-anxiety pills. Now hurry up and take them you have a visitor," she said giving me a reassuring smile.

I shrugged and popped the pills in my mouth.

Visitor? I wonder who would come visit me. I'm pretty positive my mom is pissed off beyond belief that I landed myself here. I don't really have any friends. Maybe Reno decided to come cheer me up.

I smiled at this thought. I felt bad for freaking Reno out. I need to explain to him that I wasn't _really _crazy. Compared to the other psychos in here I am totally normal. I just had a dumb moment. I just like fire. That doesn't mean I'm crazy.

I followed the nurse to the visitor's room. It was small white room with a door that led out to the waiting room and a door that led back into the ward. A guard stood by the door to the waiting room. They don't really need to guard us against escaping back into the ward.

There were a couple wooden tables with a few chairs surrounding them. Reno was sitting at one of the tables. I was right.

I sat down across from him and the guard came up and handcuffed me to a little ring under the table.

I noticed the table was bolted to the floor.

This seems a little unnecessary to me. I'm going to attack my own freaking brother. Come on. Honestly.

I fingered the bandages on my arm and looked across the table at Reno.

He looked tired. He had dark circles under his eyes like he hasn't slept in a while. His vibrant red hair that matched my color was pulled back in a messy ponytail. I felt guilty. I worried him.

"Well hey what brings you here big bro!?" I said happily.

"Hey Axel, I just wanted to see how you were doing," replied Reno a small tired smile on his face.

"Oh I'm great. Well you know. I don't think I should be here, but fucking doctors over exaggerating things."

Reno's smile faded a little. "Axel you have a problem. You need to accept it."

"Stop being so serious man. It sounds like you're trying to get me to admit I'm an alcoholic." I replied feeling a little put-out by what Reno was saying.

"This is serious Axel! You burn everything you see! You play with fire for fun Axel! Normal people don't do that, yo. You burnt your hand up! What if you start lighting up other people huh? What if you burnt yourself to a crisp?" He said leaning closer across the table to me. It sounds like he's been waiting to tell me this, like he rehearsed it in his head. It didn't sound like the normal Reno.

"So……I guess….you think I'm crazy now?" I said more of a statement than a question. "Ha-ha! This is so stupid! I burn myself _one fucking time_ and it's like 'Oh Axels a pyro lets put him in a _ward_. He's not worthy of _our_ family now'." I said disgusted with Reno. I know what this is about now. I know why I'm here.

"What? Axel no we want you to come home. You're just sick yo. I want you to be better," said Reno his forehead wrinkling in confusion.

"Just admit it! You and mom want to lock me up here forever! You want to get rid of me!" I spat back at him. I really wanted to burn something…anything…this chair would make a nice fire. My hands itched for a match, a lighter, some flint, anything that can spark a fire.

"What are you talking about,yo?!" laughed Reno.

"Hey you, guard guy, I want to go back to the ward where I _belong_," I seethed over at the guard that had handcuffed me.

"Axel, please don't be like this. We love you, me and mom want you to be better." said Reno looking hurt.

"Maybe I'm not going to get better _dear brother_, maybe this is just how I am." I leaned across the table right into Reno's face. He's lying to me. Mom doesn't want me better. She hates me and I _know_ it! Reno was always her favorite.

I just wanted to reached across the table and strangle him. I wanted to hurt him.

"Axel…I-," he stopped mid-sentence. He looked afraid of me.

I felt satisfied. I wanted him to be afraid. If he thinks I'm crazy then fine I'll act crazy for him.

I started laughing. I wanted to scream but I laughed instead. It felt good. It felt like I was letting out some pent up energy I've been holding in.

The guard came over and unlocked my handcuffs and pulled me up to my feet. I couldn't keep my balance and I let my legs give out under me. The guard just sighed and took my arms and started dragging me out of the room still laughing.

"Bye Reno baby," I called back to him giggling.

* * *

"Hello I am Dr. Ansem and I will be your psychiatrist for your stay here," said a man in his late forties, early fifties, with short light blonde hair and a matching goatee sitting across from me.

I just stared back at him. I don't know what to say. I'm a little intimidated by him.

"Ah yes, so it is to my knowledge your brother came to visit you earlier. How did that go?" asked Dr. Ansem clicking his pen and leaning back in his black chair.

I wasn't laying on one of those couches things. I was sitting in a matching black chair across from Dr. Ansem. There wasn't a bright light over me. I wasn't having emotional breakdowns. This isn't what I expected out of therapy at all.

"Not very well," I replied.

"How so?" asked Dr. Ansem.

"He thinks I'm crazy. So I got a little mad and yelled at him. Then I started laughing and a guard dragged me out of the room," I replied with a straight face. I don't trust this guy.

"Are you and your brother close?" asked Dr. Ansem while looking down at his notes.

"Sure," I replied.

"What about your mother, what's your relationship with her like?" asked Dr. Ansem.

"Fine," I said. I really don't want to talk to this guy.

"Axel, you have to say more than one word answers. You have to at least try. I can't help you if you just brush off my questions," said Dr. Ansem looking me in the eyes while he wrote something in his notes.

I want to know what he's writing about me.

"Okay," I said looking over at the bookshelf and reading some of the titles. They all looked long, boring, and complicated.

"Do you like to read, Axel?" he asked noticing me looking at his books.

I just shrugged. I really don't want to talk to him.

"Now you're down to nonverbal responses. This won't help you get better," sighed Dr. Ansem.

I hate all this talk about getting better. They all think something is wrong with me. They think they can fix me. I'm not broken. I'm not crazy.

I crossed my arms and looked down the floor. When did my life get this crappy?

We sat in silence for the next ten minutes. Dr. Ansem watched my every move. I think he was studying my body language. I was still creeped out.

'Great, I have a pedophile therapist,' I thought to myself.

"Okay. Our time is up. I'll see you next session, hopefully you'll feel more talkative," said Dr. Ansem breaking the awkward silence. The only awkward silence at this place I didn't try to break.

I got up and edged towards the door. Dr. Ansem had retreated behind his desk. He didn't say anything when I put my hand on the doorknob so I pulled the door open and quickly got out of that office.

I was back out in the blaringly white hallway. I walked down the hallway past the art room, past the lounge, past the nurse's station. I turned a few corners and got back to my room finally. It was a long walk.

I opened my door to find Roxas bent over a bucket puking up very nasty whitish chunky puke. The nurse that gave me pills this morning was sitting next to him rubbing is back and saying soothing things to him.

"Ew…..." was all I could say to this. A person puking is just gross. Like number two on my top 5 grossout list.

"Oh, hello Axel, Roxas is just sick. I have to leave and do room checks. Could you come get me if something happens?" asked the morning pill nurse.

"Sure, whatever." Ick now I have to stay in the room with the weird puking kid. I felt a headache coming on.

"Thank you. Feel better Roxas," she said and was out of the room in a heartbeat.

I sat down on my bed and peeked over at Roxas. He looked really pale and strung out. He raised a shaky hand and wiped at his mouth.

"Are you okay?" I asked warily. Every other time I have spoken to this kid he ends up doing something weird.

"Yeah I just ate something bad," he replied softly.

"Oh, what do you think it was?" I asked half trying for a normal conversation and half hoping I didn't eat the same thing.

"Crayons," he said shortly.

I couldn't help it. I started laughing. I didn't expect that reply at all. Only in a nuthouse...or a kindergarten classroom maybe.

This kid is so odd. I can never guess what he's going to do next.

I liked it.

I liked how unpredictable he was.

"Kid, you have the strangest diet of any person I have ever met," I said still laughing.

He looked at me obviously confused to why I was laughing.

I laid back on my bed still chuckling.

* * *

**Sweet tea tea tea! **

**Who should the next POV be? **

**Eh? Sora maybe.**

**Make me happy?**

**You know how....**

**That sounds sexual.....i mean reviews....they can be sexual reviews.**

**Im sorry. haha. **


	6. Sora: Schedule

**

* * *

**

So I didn't post this earlier because I've been making a freakin spanish project!

**I had to go through all my group's papers and make it make sense.**

**AND make cookies with the flag of spain on them.**

**I'm still not done.**

**And I'm covered in glitter and sunburnt from going to a tanning bed.**

**I'm rambling. Just read.**

**Disclaimer: My glittery self only owns the plot. I stole the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 6

Turn on water.

Rinse for 10 seconds.

2 squirts of soap.

Rub soap until bubbly.

Rinse hands under water until soap is gone.

Turn water off.

Dry the extra droplets with a paper towel.

Get another paper towel and get any remaining water.

I flexed my hands in front of my face inspecting for any dirt. There wasn't any of course. I use to wash my hands in scalding hot water until the skin was red and cracked. But I got down to only washing my hands 5 times a day. Sometimes 6 if I touched something germ infested.

Dr. Ansem says I'm doing great. I feel like I'm getting better. I ate the food without watching it get prepared, although I inspect every bite. I sleep on the sheets that I don't wash myself. I'm very proud of myself.

I walked out of the bathroom and back into the lounge. I sat down at a table with Riku and Demyx.

Demyx was writing on some sheet music. Riku was looking at some book. I just sat down and clasped my hands in my lap. There never was much to do here. Nothing surprising happens. There's a schedule we always follow. I like the schedule. I hate surprises. I hate when stuff changes. I like everything to be nice and orderly.

Dr. Ansem says I need to get use to not being able to control everything, but it's hard.

Nurse Aerith walks into the lounge and makes her way over to my table. I look up expectantly at her.

"Hello Sora, Dr. Ansem wants me to give you these pills," she says holding out a Dixie cup with little white pills in it.

"I don't usually take pills until 7 o' clock. Can't I take them then?" I ask. I don't want my body to get sick from the change in pill intake time. It'd be best if I just keep to the normal schedule.

"I'm sorry. You have to take them a little earlier now," said Nurse Aerith with a smile, like this was happy news.

I opened my mouth to object, but I closed it and reached my hand out for the pills. I didn't want Nurse Aerith to tell Dr. Ansem that I was being difficult. Then he might say I'm not getting better and I'll have to stay here even longer.

I've already been here for 2 months, which wasn't long compared to Larxene. She's been here for 2 years. She went crazy and beat this guy up so bad he almost choked to death on his own blood. She has a lot of anger issues. She likes to hit people. And she hasn't made any progress from what I've seen. I don't want to stay here two years. I'm wouldn't get out of here until I was 17 then, almost legally an adult.

Even though I took the pills I still wasn't happy about it.

I could feel my stomach knotting up. The pills were going to make me sick. I wasn't supposed to take them until 7 o' clock.

I looked over at the bookcase and started to count the books on the shelf.

"1-2-3-4-5-6," I whispered under my breath.

Counting always calmed me down.

Dr. Ansem says I should stop counting things, but it helps me get over all the changes he does to me so I still do it, I just don't tell him about it. I feel bad for keeping secrets, but I tell him everything else. I should be able to keep _one_ thing to myself.

I was on 143 when Riku made me lose count.

"Sora, would you stop mumbling to yourself! God damn it's annoying!" he said very loudly to me.

I stopped instantly and got very still. Whenever I got caught doing something Dr. Ansem said was bad I freeze up. It was like getting caught sneaking out of your house by your parents and just stopping and hoping it the yelling wouldn't come, even though you knew it would.

"I'm sorry," I said avoiding Riku's gaze by looking in my lap.

"It's okay Sora. Don't go all emo on me," replied Riku flipping a page in his book.

He flipped the page wrong. It didn't flip easily and gracefully. He made the page wrinkle up and make crinkly sounds.

I reached across the table and flipped another page trying to get it to flip right. The corner crinkled at the edge.

I turned another page. It turned too fast.

_Flip_

It made a noise.

_Flip_

The next page was a new chapter. It needed to be on a normal page.

_Flip_

It still wasn't right!

"Sora, what the fuck! Stop it! You're losing my page!" yelled Riku. He grabbed my hand trying to make me stop.

An alarm went off in my head. I didn't know the last time he washed his hands. I didn't know what he touched last and who might have touched that before him and what they touched before they touched that!

I jerked my hand away.

I looked down at it.

It's crawling with germs! I can practically see them

Germs that want to invade my body and make me sick.

I stood up and rushed out of the lounge ignoring Demyx's stare and Riku's shout after me. I practically ran towards the bathroom. I need to wash my hands before the germ burrows into my body to create more germs and make me a walking infestation.

I was stopped though, by a tall guy with black hair.

"Hey where are you rushing off too?" said the guy. He was one of the nurses but I never talked to him before.

I didn't have time to deal with this stranger.

So I walked past him careful not to touch him and headed into the bathroom.

I rushed up to the sink and turned the hot water faucet all the way and shoved my hands under the running water. Heat kills germs. I squirted the antibacterial soap dispenser rapidly getting as much soap as possible.

I scrubbed my hands vigorously under the water, scratching at the back of my hands with my nails.

I got into a trance. Scrubbing my hands and getting more soap.

The soap started to sting my hands but I kept going.

The water started to show red before it was sucked down the drain.

I started to scrub faster. I must have gotten a flesh eating virus and it's eating away at my hands!

The door to the bathroom opened. I ignored the new person and kept washing my hands.

"Sora, are you okay? You've been gone a while." I recognized Riku's voice.

"Sora?" He walked up behind me to see what I was doing.

"Go away," I muttered. My voice cracked. I felt wetness on my cheeks. I was crying but I didn't notice earlier.

I reached a hand up out of the sink and wiped at my face. I don't want Riku to see me crying. He'll just make fun of me. My hand left a smear of red. I hadn't washed away the flesh eating virus. It was still eating away at my hands.

Before I could plunge my hands back under the water Riku grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me away from the sink.

"Sora if you keep washing your hands, you won't have any hands left." said Riku calmly. I expected him to yell at me.

"But-but-but…germs…there all over!" I choked back to him.

"You can't be afraid of germs Sora. They're everywhere, deal with it," said Riku bluntly.

He put his hand on my shoulder and started to lead me out of the bathroom.

"Wait no! We can't let the nurses know! They'll tell Dr. Ansem and he won't think I'm getting better and I'll have to stay here for 2 years!" I yelled hysterically.

"Calm down. They won't tell Ansem. You need to get your hands fixed," said Riku in a very uncharacteristic soothing voice.

I was really confused. Riku had never been this nice to me before. He always cusses and yells. I can't complain with this change though. I actually liked it.

I let Riku lead me out of the bathroom and over to the nurses station.

Nurse Aerith jumped up and quickly started gathering supplies in the first aid room.

My hands looked really bad. I had scrubbed the skin raw and it had cracked when it dried and I moved my hands.

I let Aerith put ointment on my hand and bandage them. I didn't talk, I just watched her blankly.

Riku stayed by my side the whole time. I was happy about that.

When Aerith was done I walked back to my room and sat down on my bed.

Even though my hands were all messed up I still wanted to wash them. They still didn't feel clean.

Riku was sitting across the room on his bed reading the book from earlier. He looked so calm. He didn't look mad or anything. Riku was getting better. I wasn't. Riku would be leaving. I would be staying.

I didn't want Riku to leave.

I wanted him to stay here with me.

He was the only one that ever helped me.

I felt guilty for wishing Riku to stay here. I don't want him to be sick. But I don't want him to get better and leave me behind.

"Riku….," I started.

"Yeah?" He looked up from his book.

"Thanks." I said smiling shyly over at him.

"No problem." He replied and went back to reading his book.

* * *

**I swear to god I am going to punch someone's nose into their brain.**

**Urgh! **

**I'm going to write a ghost story.**

**I'm feeling it. Ha I never go at all with the KH plot.**

**It's too godly to mess with.**

**Review!!! and The Holy Flyin Spagetti Monster will bless you with his noodly appendage.**

**=)**


	7. Demyx: Sabotage

**This chapter made me sad. **

**I feel so bad for my fictional characters fictional problems.**

**Disclaimer: Actually it's not my fictional character**

* * *

Chapter 7

You know, no one ever told me how fine the line is between imaginary friend and hallucination.

'_Ha, that's funny Dem! You think I'm not real.'_

I ignored Brian. He doesn't deserve my attention.

'_Aw that hurts Dem. I thought we were friends.'_

I don't think a host can be best buds with their parasite.

'_I'm too pretty to be a tapeworm.'_

I use to call him Brain, because I thought my brain was talking to me. But when I told my mom that I had a friend named Brain she thought I meant Brian. The name stuck.

'_Me and your old lady really got along. Didn't we Dem'_

I clenched my teeth. He knows what he made me do and he knows I want to forget about it. So he brings it up, all the time. Just to bug the hell out of me.

I put all my attention back to dinner. Today was vegetable soup. It actually wasn't terrible. I thought the food here would be inedible, but it was actually good. I never once had a gag reflex from taking a bite out of something like how I did almost everyday back when I ate school food.

'_What the fuck is spaghetti casserole anyway?'_

God would you just leave me alone Brian!

'_I would never leave you my love!'_

Fuck off.

'_Stop pushing me away!' gasped Brian mock dramatically._

If you had a body I would kill you in the worst way possible a million times. I'd rip your tongue out and wrap it around your neck. I'd weave a basket out of your intestines and carry your head around in it! I'd strap you to a chair and make you watch Barney re-runs until you die of starvation!

'_Gosh, somebody is no fun today. Fine, Dem, I'll leave you alone. Bye.'_

I stopped with my spoon of soup in midair. Did he really leave? Was it that easy? After all these years he's finally gone! I searched my head for any sign of him but I couldn't hear anything. My heart fluttered with shocked happiness. I couldn't believe it.

I want to cry from joy.

I want to dance on the table.

He's gone?!

'_I wouldn't leave that easy Dem. You know that, 'sniggered Brian._

It feels like a semi-truck had just collided with my head. I could hear popping in my ears. It felt like my brain was melting. I dropped my spoon with a loud clatter and gripped the sides of my head trying to stop Brian.

"Hey Demyx, are you alright?" said someone to me. I can't tell who. I was consumed in pain.

I feel a heat quickly spreading through my limbs. Brian brought my hands down from my head and made me straighten up in my seat.

"Oh I feel just fantastic, Axel, thanks for asking." Brian made me say. He made my lips twitch up in a smile.

I felt like I was falling back, falling away from my eyes, back into myself. Brian always wins. I relaxed myself and gave in. Why make it harder?

'_I hate you,' was the last thing I thought before I fell into a sleep._

* * *

I blinked.

I was standing in the middle of a trashed cafeteria with a bowl of soup held high above my head.

Chairs were thrown everywhere and a few tables were flipped over. Soup bowls were smashed all around the floor with the soup gathering in puddles around my feet. I slowly lowered the soup bowl.

Some of the big male nurses in white were walking quickly over towards me.

"I-I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean too! B-Br-ian did it!" I said desperately backing away from the nurses. It's just like Brian to make a big mess and then leave me to suffer all the consequences.

I backed into Riku who was drenched in vegetable soup. His eyes were furious. I jumped and distanced myself from him too.

Why Brian?! Why!

The other nurses were gently leading other patients out of the cafeteria. A couple were screaming and/or crying. It wasn't a big cafeteria but the whole place was trashed. None of the thirty or so patients seemed to be hurt except for being drenched in soup and frightened.

At least I didn't hurt anyone this time. I don't know why Brian did this stuff. But he always did. He just loves messing with me. One time I woke up and found a tattoo of a wizard holding fire right on my hip near my crotch area. I still had it. Brian said it was cool. He knew I hated tattoos.

The big male nurses were coming closer to me. I jumped behind Roxas who was standing and staring straight ahead in a zombie-like state.

"Really guys, I'm not going to trash anything else. I have control now!" I pleaded to the nurses.

They ignored me and edge closer.

I jumped behind Sora who was hastily trying to wipe all the soup off himself with a pained expression on his face. One of the nurses lurched at me and grabbed my arm. I tried to pull away but he has a strong freaking grip!

"You just need to calm down Demyx," said the guard. It sounded like he was trying to be soothing but it came out a threatening growl.

"I am calm! Let go!" I snapped back. I was trying to run in the opposite direction of the guy holding on to my arm. I succeeded on slipping on the soup covered floor and being half held up from the floor by my arm.

The nurse let go of my arm and I quickly started to kick my legs to scoot away from him. The other nurse came up behind me and picked me up in a bear hug. I tried to fight him off me but he had my arms pinned down. So I gave up and let him carry me out of the cafeteria.

"Behavior like that is not tolerated here,' lectured the nurse.

"Yeah but it was _Brian_! I would never do that," I exclaimed.

"I remember seeing _you_ flipping tables and throwing soup. So don't even try to blame this on someone else," said the nurse gruffly.

I don't even try to explain the whole situation to the nurse. It wouldn't make a difference. No use in fighting.

The guard carried me back to the isolation rooms. I've been put in these too many times to count because of Brian.

"You're going to stay in here until we decide to let you out. I hope you think about what you did," said the nurse opening one of the doors and shoving me in the room.

"I'm really sorry! I actually thought he soup tasted good! Why would I want to throw it and waste it?" I pleaded to the guard.

But he just slammed the door shut in my face with a loud bang. I could hear the lock being bolted.

I sighed and turned back to the room. It was a plain room with white cement walls and no windows. There was a small bed shoved up against one of the walls and that was it, nothing else in the room to ward off boredom.

I went and sat down on the bed.

I can't deal with Brian anymore.

I couldn't deal with him 2 years ago.

He ruined my life!

'_I just made your life interesting Dem. You should thank me'_

Thank you?! Never! Why did you have to trash the cafeteria?

'_Aw come on Dem that lunch needed some livening up. I was just having fun.'_

What if you would've hurt someone? Huh?

'_Ha, bonus!' laughed Brian._

Of course, Brian enjoys hurting people. I should know that. He hurt everyone I loved.

'_I'm just doing what you wanted. I know what you really want Dem.'_

Ha, oh really, do you now? Then what? What is my dearest wish?

'_You want to make others feel like how you feel Dem. But you're just too much of a pussy to do it yourself.'_

Wrong! I want you gone! If I had one wish in the world it would be for you to disappear forever and never come back!

'_Then why don't you just get rid of me?' asked Brian._

I tried everything to get rid of you. There's nothing left to do.

'_Well, you haven't tried everything…'_

Just shut up! Stop talking all mysterious! It's annoying.

'_Kill yourself Dem. You can kill me at the same time.'_

I wouldn't do that.

'_Don't you want to get rid of me though? It's really the only way.'_

Why are you even trying to help me!? You just want to make me miserable.

'_I try to make you happy Dem. And you never recognize my hard work! I'm tired of living in your depressed little head. I think you'd be much happier 6 feet under.'_

I thought about it for a moment. No more hurting people. I wouldn't have to deal with the the pile of garbage that is my life anymore. It'd all be over. Maybe there was a heaven and I'd get to go there and be happy without Brian. Because Brian is so going to hell.

I felt queasy from considering this.

'_You know, you won't even have to kill yourself. I could do it for you.'_

I don't need your help.

'_You would never be able to do it on your own. You don't have the guts.'_

Just shut up Brian.

'_You can't ever do stuff on your own. I always have to do it for you.'_

Shut up Brian! I'm not helpless!

I jumped up off the little bed and walked around the room. It took only two steps to get to the other side of the room.

'_You so are.'_

"SHUT UP!" I screamed at the wall.

And for once Brian actually listened to me. He didn't say anything.

I sunk down to the floor too tired to stand anymore. I don't want to do this anymore.

I could feel Brian crouching in the back of my mind smiling.

Brian always wins.

I don't want to do this anymore.

My frame shook with a sob. I buried my head in my knees and cried until the nurse came back to let me out of the isolation hours later.

* * *

**I didn't even plan this chapter I just wrote it.**

**I never plan what's going to happen in this story.**

**It just happens.**

**Somone from Austrailia read my story!**

**Eek! I can die happy!**

**Oh man I love Bittersweet Symphony.**

**Review! And you can have a fudgesicle.**


	8. Roxas: Jolly Green Giant

**I had a very shitty day.**

**I got asked to prom...I just shot down the poor guy. I didn't even think. I just did.**

**Now I feel bad. But Im only a freshman. I don't want to go to prom!**

**I read a book that pushed me halfway towards insane.**

**I got on the bus and this guy I had a thing with last summer and I still like, sat across from me**

**I couldn't breath and had a mini anxiety attack and my bag started to fall off the seat....**

**I reached over and grabbed it and looked straight up into his eyes.**

**It was one of those weirdly profound moments. **

**I looked away out the window all freaked, but who is driving the car next to the bus but my other guy I had a thing with**

**Just for the record I'm still virgin. I made that sound bad.**

**Basically I went home and doped up on anti-anxiety medication**

**Then went to the mall**

**Drove around with my friend and then started yelling at him to get the fuck over his depressed attitude.**

**Seriously this dude is "I can't trust anyone because Ive been hurt before"**

**And Im like "I really just want to puke on your face sometimes."**

**Then he tried to touch my hair and I don't like people touching me. So I had a spasming get off me moment.**

**This is where I get my crazy people inspiration.**

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot!**

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Chapter 8

There was soup everywhere.

The soup looked like blood.

I couldn't look at the soup dripping off the ceiling and the little rivulets of it running together on the floor to make big puddles, without thinking a bloody massacre had just occurred.

Demyx didn't turn red he turned the deepest darkest black.

Then just like someone had flipped a switch he changes right back to his placid blue/green self.

Demyx was just sipping soup when suddenly he gets this tortured expression on his face and he grabs his head. I thought he was suffering from a severe headache but the next moment he's up and hurling soup in all directions and knocking over every piece of furniture like it had personally wronged him.

I wish I could throw soup that far across the room and have the bowl shatter satisfyingly. I almost jumped up to join Demyx, but violence is not the answer. It feels so good at the time, but the happiness is replaced with regret tenfold. I learned that the hard way.

I pushed my thoughts out of the way and followed Axel, Zexion, Sora, and Riku out of the cafeteria.

Sometimes I wish I was like the Jolly Green Giant. I like the color green and he's really tall. Due to eating the vegetables he hawking I presume. He never seems to be walking in any of the advertisements. I tried to picture what he would look like walking. Maybe like Frankenstein but a dash less clunky. He'd look really lanky probably.

I walked like how I envisioned the Jolly Green Giant walking. It just doesn't work for me. I'm short and pale with blonde hair, while he's the size of a house with leafy green colored skin.

"Roxas what the fuck are you doing?" said Riku breaking into my daydream.

"Do you eat spinach?" was what I said back. These days I'm never really sure what words are going to dribble out of my mouth.

"No not really. I'm not a vegetable kinda guy," replied Riku while he ran his hand through his white hair.

One of the reasons I liked Riku was because of his hair. It was so white and silver. It was so _pure_. Even though he had a lot of red, he had a lot of white too.

I didn't respond to Riku's statement. Instead I just walked down to the nurse's station to get my drugs before Group.

"Aw come on Aerith, just a little bit of morphine. They won't even know it's gone." Luxord was trying to smooth talk Aerith for drugs.

"No Luxord, you know as well as I do that I could lose my job if I gave you unprescribed morphine. You can't feed your addiction. You just need to tough it out," said Aerith in her smooth motherly voice.

I really liked Aerith. Her color was very _yellow_. It was warm. I liked to stand next to her and absorb the warmth. It was so soothing,

_like hot cocoa._

"Oh hello Roxas, I have your pills right now. We're going to try a new medication for you. Dr. Ansem says it should organize your thoughts better," said Aerith with a friendly smile on her face.

I trusted Aerith so I took the pills. I couldn't look her in the eye though. I wanted to but I felt like I might start crying if I did.

"Please come tell me if the pills have any odd side affects. You have Group now. Run along Roxas," said Aerith making a little shoo gesture with her hands.

I did as she told me and walked down the white hallway to the lounge area.

Once again the chairs were arranged in a circle. Most of the seats were already occupied. I looked around and went and sat between Axel and Sora. I scooted my chair slightly out of the circle in fear of being trapped in it's endless rotund shape.

Leon looked up from his clipboard and attempted a warm smile. It didn't look warm at all. I hate when people fake colors.

"So is everyone here?" Leon asked the group.

There were a few murmurs of yes.

"Okay good. Today I think we should talk a little about your guy's home lives. I would like if you shared with the group because this is an open place, but if you're not ready to tell then you don't have to," Leon said in a way that totally said that if we didn't tell he would feed us to hungry alligators.

"Larxene why don't you start us off?" asked Leon. It really wasn't a question. It was an order.

Larxene's face contorted into a sneer, "My mom works for a big company. She's usually away on business trips. My dad owns an electronics store and he's usually watching TV. I don't like going home because my house bores the hell out of me."

"Where do you go besides home?" asked Sora. He always wanted to know stupid stuff.

"I hang out at the park and smoke with my friends," replied Larxene her pink turning redder.

"Smoking is a nasty habit," stated Sora, his nose crinkling.

"Like I give a fuck," muttered Larxene and slouched down in her chair. She was leaving stuff out. I could feel it.

"Sora what is your home like?" asked Leon looking over at his next victim.

"I live with my grandma. She has a really nice house with a lot of glass vases and flowers crammed everywhere. It's really pretty. My grandma is wonderful. I feel really bad for getting sent here and worrying her."

"What did you do for fun?" asked Leon.

"Oh I usually just walked around the garden and moved statues around. I could never get them in the right spot. Sometimes I read in my room. I mostly liked to organize the glass into different groups." said Sora brightly.

"You such a geek," stated Riku with a half smile on his face.

I don't like glass very much at all. It looks so pretty and then it breaks and gets all buried in your skin. Glass is deceitful. I don't see how Sora could be around it that much. I don't even like looking out of windows.

"Oh yeah, what's your home like then," replied Sora a little hint of bitter in his voice.

With that Riku's smile disappeared. He seemed to be thinking on if he would respond or not. With a sigh he started explaining, "My dad made my life a living hell. When I was little he would go on these rages over the littlest things like a magazine left on the counter and he would just start hitting my mom. My mom wouldn't leave him though. She said it wasn't a big deal. I always wanted to pummel him when he touched mom." Riku stopped and his nose crinkled in disgust. His color was turning darker creeping towards a throbbing black.

"When I was 9 he got mad because I had a little mud on my sneakers, so he slammed my head into a wall. I told my brother Kadaj but he said that it wasn't a big deal, mother would sort it out. He kept hitting me over the smallest flaws. We had to keep everything perfect for him. Or else he would beat me or lock me in a closet for a day, sometimes both. I ran away when I was thirteen. I slept in the park on bench. After about a week I was walking downtown and my dad saw me, he had been looking for me. He stormed over and dragged me into the car. He broke 3 of my ribs that night and dislocated my shoulder. Kadaj had to pop it back into place for me." Riku's face had gone blank and he was just stating facts in a monotone voice. His color was still blackish though.

"I always wanted to hit him back but I stopped myself. I couldn't hit my own dad, even though the fucker hit me. Around fourteen I noticed I was getting just as big as him and I could probably take him. But I never did. I would just pick fights with kids at school and try to get some anger out. I would just take the beatings even though I wanted to beat his ass so bad." Riku paused thinking.

"I lashed out at a teacher and got sent here. I left my mom and Kadaj to deal with that psycho when I got to escape." Riku clenched his fists so tight the knuckles popped out white.

"Wow Riku, that's terrible. You could press charges on your dad you know." said Sora with a quavering voice. He looked really shaken up.

Quavering reminded me of ducks,

which reminded me of ponds,

which reminded me of Wonder bread,

which reminded me of the circus,

which reminded me of being 5 years old,

which made me sad.

I focused on the muscles in my hand. I was flexing them and unflexing them trying to feel all the tendons move. It felt so real. My hand felt like it had electricity buzzing through it.

I stopped moving my hand. I really hoped electricity wasn't in my hands, leftover from my nightmares. I was never sure if it was real or not when the figures came to my room and dragged me out. I swore to myself I wouldn't think about it anymore. But here I am breaking a promise to myself.

"Roxas….Roxas….Roxas! It's your turn to share! Wake up!" yelled Leon over at me.

I had drifted off. I didn't get to hear the rest of the conversation. I looked around and took in Sora's sad expression; Riku's clenched fists, and everyone else's slightly uncomfortable vibes.

"I don't feel like sharing," I stated very clearly to Leon.

He frowned at me, "Roxas I would really appreciate if you participated."

I imagined an _or else_ at the end of that.

So I just started talking.

"One time I was in the perfume department and they smelled so good I squirted the perfume in my mouth. They had to call poison control. I thought trees could feel and in the winter I put scarves on them. Cloud got mad and told me the trees can't feel. I always wished I was a tree since then. My parents liked to eat little pieces of paper and little white pills. Sometimes they shot stuff into their arm. They always had friends over and sometimes the friends would hang out with me. I didn't like the games the friedns tried to play. I had a pet Cat named Fuzz. I talked to him. Sometimes he talked back. He was the only one that understood the color system. My mom made Fuzz into stew. It didn't taste bad. But I still threw it up and buried it. Fuzz was my best friend."

I didn't really consciously think about what I said. The words just bubbled out of my mouth. I was giving them my **soul**. I knew that now I would be caught in the circle but I couldn't stop.

"I always dreamt I died when Cloud left. I wrote, _the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had_, 1,687 times until I didn't have any room on my mattress. It was in a song that I liked." I could feel my face twitching. I just felt this swell of colors I was trying to keep back but they wanted to escape!

"One time I got mad at Kairi and shoved her down the stairs. She-she-she-never….I-I-I didn't…..Her n-n-neck stuck out….and she ha-ha-had fish eyes….,"

I couldn't talk anymore.

I couldn't breathe anymore.

I tried my hardest to get air but I couldn't get any into my lungs.

I made a dying zebra noise and grabbed my hair.

It hurt so badly. My heart was being stabbed with little needles.

I tried to breathe but I opened and closed my mouth sucking in air that went straight back out of my throat.

Warm hands grabbed my wrists and tried to ease my hands out of my hair.

I let them.

"Just breathe, relax and breathe. Come on Roxas," said an urgent voice. It was Leon's.

He actually sounded worried. I thought he hated me. He may just be luring me into a trap,so I would trust him and he could cut out my kidneys to sell on the Black Market.

I tried to take another gasping breath but it felt like I was breathing in all of Sora's grandma's broken glass vases.

I felt something warm working its way up my throat. I could taste something metallic.

I closed my mouth as blood rushed into it and filled it.

"Roxas? You need to breathe for me. Come on, on the count of three," said Leon panic creeping into his voice.

Somehow I was on the floor lying flat on my back.

"1-2-3 _breathe,"_ encouraged Leon.

I turned my head to the side and let the blood ooze out of my mouth.

It was red!

A bright red!

I had red inside me! I tried so hard to get rid of it and it still stayed in me.

"Oh shit. Nurse! Nurse! Someone please go get a nurse!" shouted Leon. He has lost all cool.

I got a breath in my lungs and it burned. I wanted oxygen so bad I breathed in again really fast and started hyperventilating.

Every once in a while the red would creep up to my mouth and spew out on the white floor.

My head started spinning.

I could feel other hands grabbing my arms and lifting me up.

But I couldn't see anything.

I felt heavy.

Everything seemed _okay_ now.

I was doing and escape act. Just like Houdini.

I closed my eyes and fell into a state of wakeful unconsciousness.

_Bright lights-blooming umbrellas-lizards changing colors-a room of smiles, just smiles-wheels turning-rocks wailing-falling into cactuses-my body melting and freezing in strange shapes-floating underwater while breathing-water filling my lungs-dolphins swimming down my throat---------a hellhole of black._

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**Keep in mind I was half stoned on meds writing this.**

**I'm going to florida.**

**Where my brother is going to peer pressure me into playing beer pong and smoking weed.**

**Grrrreeeaaat.....not. Im going to be on the beach and shopping with my best friend.**

**I should write a drug story. A drug/gang/someone gets an evil curse story.**

**Don't steal my ideas! Or at least tell me.....**

**Im going to be writing a LOT during the 18 hour car trip.**

**Be afraid of what I may come up with.**

**Review? Make my horrible day better?**


	9. Larxene: Punch

**Florida Rocks!**

**I wrote this because I got a lot of reviews and support from you guys while I was in the car for hours.**

**It makes me sooo happy.**

**Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

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Chapter 9

The Wishing Well Motel.

That's where it all went down.

The bastard had it coming to him anyway. I was just the force that finally did it.

I gritted my teeth whenever I thought about that night. I was always thinking about it nowadays.

I stopped brushing my hair and looked at my face in the mirror. My face was contorted in a scowl at the moment. I relaxed my features and took another look. The scowl reappeared almost immediatly.

I was so ugly. I wish I could just push on my face and mold it to how I wanted it. But It was stuck that way.

It wasn't fair. Every other girl was so easily pretty. They never put any effort into it. While I spent hours mosturizing, waxing, conditioning, toning, and cleansing only to look plain.

I roughly shoved my brush into my bathroom bag and stormed out of the girls bathroom. I don't feel like looking at myself right now. I already knew every flaw.

"Hey! Larxene! Wait up!" someone called from behind me.

"What?" I demanded turning around to face Xigbar.

"Whoa, enough of the death glare. Let's go get a game of cards going," said Xigbar leaning against a white wall.

"Sure whatever," I muttered and started walking down towards the lounge. On the way there I threw my bag in my room without looking. I heard it hit somthing solid and hit the floor with a thump. I ducked my head back in the room to see my roomate, Namine, sitting on the floor next to my bag rubbing her head.

"Heads up skinny," I said smiling evilly.

She just glared up at me.

I continued my walk to the lounge.

Namine wasn't much fun to fuck with. Not nearly as fun as messing with Riku and Sora, who just happened to be sitting on the couch of the lounge blissfully unaware of my presence.

"Hey Sora! Hey Riku! What's up guys?" I said plopping down on the couch next to Sora. He gave me a nervous glance and started picking at his nails.

"Hi Larxene," he said quietly. Riku just glared over at me. He really didn't like me. Which was okay because I didn't like him much either.

"Whoa Sora, whats that on your _face_!" I exclaimed leaning back away from him. I composed my face to look disgusted and mildly shocked.

Sora started freaking out slapping at his face screaming "Where?! Get it off me! What is it?!"

I put a hand over my mouth trying to hide my giggling. Sora was such a headcase. I pulled that trick twice before and he fell for it again.

"There's nothing on your face Sora. Larxene is just being a bitch. Why don't you just go away!?" Riku spat at me. He was getting mad. It so fun and so easy to get him angry.

"Aw I thought I saw somthing. Guess I was wrong. So Riku how's your daddy been?" I asked icily.

His hands clenched and he gave me the deadliest glare he could muster. I grinned, his glare wouldn't have scared a kitten.

"Oh he's fine, Larxene, thanks for asking. Have you been gaining weight? Your looking bigger." he said trying to be all nonchalant.

My blood heated up at his weight comment. He knew how to piss me off too.

"Mmm you're quite observant today. I know, you can't help but pay attention to my body. Don't worry your not the only one." I replied acting cool and composed. I hate my body so much and I doubt anyone was watching it, but it was a good comeback.

"In your dreams Larxene," said Riku with a harsh burst of laughter.

My face blushed red from anger. I looked down at Sora. He was pushing himself as far down in the couch as he could go, trying not to draw attention to himself.

"Oh right, I forgot you have a _boy_friend," I seethed at him and got up and walked across the room to Luxord, Xigbar, and Yuffie's card game leaving Riku with nothing to direct his anger at. Our issue was a lot alike, so I know that when you're mad it always helps to have someone to yell at. If you didn't you just yelled at yourself. And that just sucked.

"Hey guys. What did I miss?" I asked sitting down.

"Luxord always wins! He has ninja powers I have never even heard of," said Yuffie in an awed tone. The chick is a total headcase.

"It's just practice, dear. I'm not much of a ninja," chuckled Luxord.

I smiled inwardly. I knew Luxord cheated. He had cards hidden on him somewhere at all times. In his shoes. Up his sleeves. In the cuffs of his pants. Everywhere. Nobody ever noticed when he pulled one out. But I caught him at it a few times if I didn't blink.

"Dude, what time is it? I'm starving. I hope that little sneak doesn't start throwing food again," whined Xigbar rubbing his stomach.

I looked up at the clock on the wall, it was noon. "Oh shit! It's noon, I have to go see that fag Ansem. Catcha later guys." I said as I jumped up and rushed out of the lounge.

I walked throught the blindingly white hallways. These fuckin hallways went on forever! I had to be at the therapy session like five minutes ago. I quickened up my pace and sprinted the last stretch to the room and wrenched open the door. I walked in and sat down in the cushy leather chair out of breath. Ansem didn't even seem to notice I came in yet.

"Good afternoon Larxene, how are you today?" asked Dr. Ansem looking up from the papers on his desk. I felt like I was in the principal's office all over again.

"As good as I can be." I replied crossing my arms.

"Oh? How good is that?" asked Dr. Ansem steepling his fingers.

"Like okay. I don't know." I answered shortly. This dude pissed me off.

"I see. Have you been feeling angry today?"

"I'm always feeling angry." I said smirking.

"Do you enjoy being angry Larxene? It can't be very fun." said Dr. Ansem.

"I can't control it! I am just angry! It's who I am. We already talked about this a million times. We know I'm angry, now what?" I said harshly. I was getting annoyed. We never got anywhere near curing me. We just talked about my anger. Not ways to get rid of it. I've been here two fucking years of my life and I felt the same.

"Your right Larxene. I wanted to talk about somthing else with you today. When I first asked you about it you didn't answer my questions, but I hope you will feel like talk today. What happened that night you got sent here?" asked Ansem leaning back in his chair.

I stared at him for a second, I thought about just brushing off the question, but maybe it would help me.

"I use to hang out at the park with a big group if people. This guy named David was with the group and I really liked him. He found out I guess and would walk over and flirt with me. He was so wonderful and I thought that maybe I was falling in love with him. He asked me out on a date one weekend. I was so excited. I spent hours getting ready." I took a breath getting ready to remember the bad part.

"We went to a fair. We shared a funnel cake and he kissed me on the ferris wheel. I was the happiest I had ever been. When we left the fair we didn't go home. He took me to The Wishing Well Motel. Ha yeah, I know, classy name." I paused feeling a little awkward about the next part.

"We umm sorta did it. It was my first time. We were kissing and he stopped and told me he was in love with me. I believed him. I fell for the oldest trick in the book. He ignored me after that. Wouldn't answer my phone calls. Walked away whenever I came near him. He was a dick. One day like 2 weeks later I saw him with another girl. He brushed her hair aside just like he did to me once. I just sorta lost it. I didn't really think about what I was doing. I just ran over and started beating the shit out of him. It felt so good. He deserved every little punch. That fucking loser and his dumb slut."

I stopped talking, smiling at the memories of the feeling of my fist breaking his nose.

"What that boy did to you was mean. But beating him half to death was not in the best judgement. You do realize that?" asked Ansem his face unreadable.

"It wasn't wrong. I just hurt him as much as he hurt me." I seethed. I felt better actually. It felt really good to put that out in the open.

"I think we made progress today. But we have a long way to go. Our time is almost up." said Dr. Ansem leaning back in his chair.

I got up to leave but he stopped me.

"Larxene, I'm going to prescribe you a larger dose of lithium for a while. So don't be alarmed if you feel funny for the next couple days."

"Okay." I said. I wanted to leave. I don't care what drugs they put me on. They never worked much on me anyway.

I walked back down the long stretches of white hallways, but not in a big rush this time. I felt oddly calmer.

Until that silver haired freako came walking past me.

"Oh whoa for a second I though that was a hippo with antennaes walking down the hallway, but no, it's just you." smirked Riku.

I didn't really think about my next move. I pulled my fist back and punched him right in the gut successfully knocking the wind out of him.

"Urhhhg....uh...shit. What the fuck you psychobitch!" gasped Riku doubled over gasping for air.

I smiled down at him and in my sweetest voice said, "Oh I'm sorry. Let me help you up."

I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a standing position, then I slammed my fist into his face, slamming him back into the wall.

"Say one more thing about my weight and I will beat you so hard you wish you still lived with your daddy," I cooed down to him.

He tried to get up but I pushed him back down with my foot. So he sent me the death glare again.

Two in one day! I'm on a roll.

I laughed at the happiness I felt and turned and walked down the hall to my room.

Namine was gone. Probaly off drawing in the artroom.

I stretched out across my bed feeling good.

I don't care what the nurses were going to do once Riku went crying to them.

For the moment,

I felt good.

* * *

**Oh yeah!**

**God I have so many ideas for stories!**

**I'm about to put this on hold for a week and write the begining for the others.**

**Review? Request the next POV?**

**Cause it could be anyone next!**


	10. Zack: Job

**Me and my friend keep getting honked at.**

**And dudes keep catcalling at us.**

**It's creepy! I wore a hoodie and soffe shorts. I'm freakin covered up.**

**I'm afraid im going to get kidnapped and raped or somthing.**

**Idk why I always update on my life. Just read.**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

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Chapter 10

Sometimes dealing with patients just frustrated the hell out of me.

I love my job, but seriously, a guy can only handle so much.

"Hatter, please open the door. I'm sorry," I said through the closet door.

"Oh dear, what are you doing behind the door?" exclaimed Hatter.

I had just been grabbing a mop to clean up the coffee I spilled when Hatter just pops out of nowhere asking if I knew how to get to the sideways side of the moon. I just said I wasn't very good at riddles and he got pissed and somehow had barricaded me in the closet. I wasn't sure how since you needed a key to lock it from the outside.

"If you let me out I'll make you some tea." Hatter could usually be controlled with tea. He had some weird obsession with it.

"Oh tea, that sounds wonderful! Do you have some jam to go along with it?" said Hatter squealing in delight.

"All the jam you could ever want!" I said desperately. I had stuff to do. I needed to get out of this closet.

"Hmmm, I'm not much of a jam person."

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Hatter was the most annoying patient to work with. A lot of nurses quit because of him.

"Hatter what are you doing talking to the door?" I recognized the voice.

"Aerith! I'm in the closet! Please let me out!" I yelled pounding on the door making sure she realized I was in the closet.

"Zack?"

I heard keys jingling and the door opened. Aerith peered in; I can see she's trying to hide her smile.

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the closet with as much dignity as I could muster. I really wanted to lock the little bucktoothed man in isolation but I know Aerith wouldn't let me. I could practically hear her say, "He doesn't know any better."

Ha! He knows what he's doing. He's like one of those criminals blaming killing people on their ADD. Yeah, ADD my ass.

"Aerith could you handle him for me, I need to do rounds." I didn't wait for an answer and started to walk away. Aerith always helped me out.

"Sure no problem," she called over to me. Aerith is really sweet. I don't think she's ever said a mean thing in her life.

I walked down to the patients bedrooms and took a quick look in every one. I had to make sure the patients weren't doing anything dangerous or hurting themselves or anything. Every Friday we did a full search of the room looking for any items deemed a Danger Item by Dr. Ansem.

Most of the rooms were empty. But when I poked my head in Larxene and Namine's room I was greeted with a lovely, "Get the fuck out!"

"Nice to see you to, Larxene!" I said cheerily back and moved on the next room.

Demyx and Luxord's room was empty but Demyx's side table drawer was half open and for some reason I got a feeling something that shouldn't be, was in there.

I walked over and peered down into the drawer. There were a few music sheets and pencils and normal stuff, but there was also a little bundle wrapped in a towel.

I reached down and cautiously pulled open the bundle. You never could guess what would be hidden in some of the patient's rooms. I've seen some weird shit in my time here.

In the bundle was a bunch of little blue pills. I recognized them as Demyx's medication. He must have not been taking them and stashing them away. This was a red flag. Usually this meant the patient was probably going to try and take all the pills at once. Plus this explained why Demyx had a personality switch the other day.

I shook my head and picked up the pills and shoved them in my pocket. I was going to have to tell Dr. Ansem to have an emergency session with him.

I went through the rest of the rooms and didn't find anything else wrong.

So I headed back to the nurses station to report the pill hording. Aerith was behind the counter filling up water cups.

"Hey Aerith, have you been watching when Demyx takes his pills?" I asked leaning my elbows on the counter.

"Yeah, he's been taking them. Why?" she said turning around to face me.

"Look what I found." I pulled the bundle of pills out of my pocket and set them on the counter.

Her eyes dimmed in a sad way, "Oh no, I'm sorry, I should've been watching him more closely. This is all my fault."

"No don't think that, Aerith. It's Demyx's decision not to take his meds; we can only help him so much. Do you think we should call Ansem?" I asked.

"Yeah I'll call him. Could you go get Demyx and bring him here?"

"Sure." I said and walked back down the hallway. I looked in the lounge first, because it was usually the most populated area. I quickly glanced around the room. Sora and Riku were watching TV on the couch. Axel was doing homework at on of the tables. Alice was sitting in a corner reading a book. Luxord was playing cards with a few patients sitting around watching. The new patient named Mickey was sitting in an armchair dreamily staring out of a window. But I didn't see any sign of Demyx.

"Hey have you guys seen Demyx anywhere?" I asked Sora and Riku.

"Hmm, I think he's in the music room," replied Sora. Riku just shot me an angry glare for disrupting him. That kid just needs to chill out.

"Thanks," I said and walked back out of the hall.

I found Demyx sitting in one of the corners of the music room strumming a guitar.

The melody he was playing was interrupted when he suddenly jerked his arm down making the guitar make a very unmusical noise.

"Damn it! Stop it! It's not funny." He said angrily to no one.

"Demyx? Are you okay?" I asked stepping forward carefully.

His head shot up shocked, "Oh hey Zack. I'm fine. What's up?"

"Dr. Ansem wants to see you. Could you come with me?" I asked.

"Sure wha-…," he stopped midsentence his eyes getting glazed over.

"Go away. I don't want to see Ansem. I'm busy." His voice got deeper, harsher. His shoulders had tensed up. He switched personalities.

"Hello Brian, can I talk to Demyx?" I asked.

The reply was a music stand getting thrown at my head. I ducked just in time. But I had to quickly jump out of the way of the guitar.

Brian stormed over to me knocking everything down in his path.

"I'm here to help you, Brian, just chill out!" I said trying to reason with him.

"YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME! YOU WANT TO GET RID OF ME!" he screamed grabbing shoving me back into the wall.

"Demyx! Come on Demyx!" I pleaded looking straight into Brian's eyes. I was honestly scared. Brian was frightening. I've seen him get violent before and he doesn't hold back. He can do some damage.

Brian's eyes flickered. They looked softer and then went back to being blazing with anger. Then went soft again and stayed. I sighed with relief.

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean to! Oh man I'm sorry." He backed up quickly from me.

"It's okay, Demyx, just please come with me. You really need to see Ansem right away," I said in my soothing voice I spent weeks practicing on in college. I watch movies. Doctors always had a calming voice.

He frowned and tentatively started to follow me out of the room.

I didn't mention anything about the pills to him. That was Ansem's job.

When we finally got to Ansem's door I opened it for him and let him walk in. He was hunched over very focused at looking at the floor.

I looked down and checked my watch. It was already my break time. Thank god. I need to sit down and rest for a while. I don't think I can handle anything else right now.

I walked back to the nurse station and went in the back to the break room.

I sat down in one of the cushy red chairs. My legs pretty much had an orgasm when I finally sat down. I had been rushing around the hospital for five hours.

_I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job._

I really do like helping people, but some days I just wanted to quit and become an accountant or something. I almost joined the army when I graduated. I'm really happy I didn't. The war started 3 months after I started college. I'd probably be dead if I had signed up.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing very loudly. I hate techno ring tones. They were possibly the most annoying thing created. But it got me to answer the phone faster to stop the noise.

I flipped my phone open, "Sup?"

"Hey Zack." It was Cloud. We had been really good friends for a long time. He was my roommate in college. He didn't actually go to college but we shared an apartment close to the campus. He works at this weird electric company. We still lived pretty close to each other and hung out a lot.

"Oh hey, what's up?" I asked.

"I was just wondering how Roxas is doing. I haven't visited him in a while."

Damn I forgot to call him about the incident yesterday! I smacked my head. Cloud was going to freak out.

"Oh damn dude. I should've called you. I'm sorry I've been swamped."

"What happened," demanded Cloud calmly. He didn't sound pissed or anything. But I knew he was.

"Roxas was in group yesterday and he started having a panic attack and spitting up blood. I checked on him this morning. The doctor said his stomach lining was torn up from all the weird stuff he's ate. But he'll be fine. Don't worry we got it taken care of." I said quickly.

Cloud was silent for a moment, "What caused him to panic?"

"Well Leon says he was saying a lot of stuff that didn't make much sense and then mentioned Kairi and just freaked out. He never has gotten over her death." Every time I thought about what happened to Kairi I wanted to find that bastard that killed her and make him pay for what he did.

I heard Cloud sigh, "I'll have to go see him. God I hate my fucking parents for doing this to him, letting that sleazebag Sephiroth even near Kairi. This is a mess," he groaned.

"I'm sorry Cloud. You know I wish I could help out more," I said. If Roxas just got better then maybe things could go back to how they were. Roxas wasn't always like this. He used to pretty normal. I mean I always thought he was a little weird, I know his parents were complete junkies, but he just lost it when Kairi died.

"You're doing the best you can. Don't worry about this, it's not your problem," said Cloud.

"I care about Roxas too. This is my problem. You not alone at this," I said. Cloud never accepted help. He always tried to do stuff on his own.

"Thanks Zack, I gotta get to work. I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah me too, drop by and see me. Bye," I said.

I hung up my phone and sighed.

Everything always happens at once. It can't be spread out; all the shit has to happen at the same fucking time.

I really didn't want to go back to work.

But I made myself get up and face the crazies once again.

_I love my job._

* * *

**Mmm my hair is no longer bright red. It's like brown red now.**

**Yay.**

**Oh noes! Did Roxas kill Kairi? Or did Sephiroth? **

**I wonder what will happen!!!!**

**Review? And I shall send dolphins to swim in your bathtub. So when you open the shower curtain they say "Surprise bitch!"**

**Yeah?**


	11. Namine: Tired

**I'm so freakin tired. This is crap.**

**I'm just having problems with my story.**

**Roxas and Demyx have the best stories.**

**Sora is kinda cool too.**

**But the other characters draw a blank for me now.**

**I'm too tired. Watchin Time Machine.**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah ya you know.**

* * *

Chapter 11

A little shading around the arms.

Little more white on the skull.

Oh I like the streaks in the background, I should put more.

"Hey Namine its dinner time, don't you want to come eat?" said Aerith leaning down to talk to me.

I shook my head. My stomach clenched up at the thought of food.

"You really need to eat. You stopped gaining weight," said Aerith with concern clouding her face.

I just looked back down and studied my picture of a skeleton. I really hoped she would get the hint to go away. I don't enjoy people sitting that close to me, looking at me. She was trying to see how thin I looked. I don't want her to know I have been cheating when she weighs me.

I would eat a bunch before she weighed me and then go to my room and do my workout routine to get rid of the calories. Then drink a ton of water to cleanse my system. If I still felt big sometimes I would go to bathroom and make myself vomit.

I don't want to gain weight.

I like being skinny.

I like looking in the mirror and seeing my ribs. I like feeling my hipbones jutting out. I didn't really mind that my vision blacked out when I got up. It was actually kind of cool.

"Namine, I know you're not eating right. Please, I don't want to see you get sick," pleaded Aerith.

I made the mistake of looking back up at Aerith. She looked so concerned for me, like she really cared. I feel ashamed for lying to her.

I closed my sketchbook and nodded getting up to follow her to the cafeteria.

I started picking at my nails on the long walk there. I don't like crowded places. And the fact it is a room filled with food doesn't make me feel any better.

They were having sloppy joes for dinner. I felt like puking right on the spot thinking about the disgusting meat sticking to my thighs.

Aerith walked me through the food line making sure I actually got food. I put a salad, a sloppy joe, and some macaroni and cheese on my plate. I got a bottle of water too.

Aerith gave me an approving look and walked away to patrol the rest of the cafeteria.

I look around for a place to sit, panic rising in my chest.

I didn't want to be the loser that sits alone. But I don't really want to just walk up and sit down randomly.

I would have to have a death wish to sit at Larxene's table.

Alice always sat alone. But she was totally insane. I didn't want to go near her.

I was about to just give up and sit alone when Sora yelled over at me, "Hey Namine, come sit over here!"

I walked quickly over to him avoiding eye contact with anyone sitting at table around me. I was paranoid if I looked up someone would be staring straight at me.

I sat down at the table with Sora, Riku, Demyx, Zexion, and Axel.

"Glad to see you out of the art room," said Sora cheerily.

I just smiled back at him and took a sip of my water.

They all knew I didn't talk, so they didn't try to ask me anything and mostly left me alone. I just sat and listened to the conversation.

"So why was that guy Zack running around looking for you earlier, Demyx?" asked Riku looking expectantly over at Demyx.

Demyx had been sitting quietly staring at the table completely zoned out. His face looked pale and lifeless.

"Ansem wanted to talk to me," he replied without looking up from the table.

"About what?" asked Zexion distracted from eating.

"The usual doctor stuff," he said completely monotone still focused on the table.

Demyx was usually really loud and goofy. I heard he had multiple personalities. So I wonder if maybe this was another Demyx or if he was just depressed today.

"You look like you need to sleep dude," added Axel.

"I'm fine." Demyx said still monotone and very focused on the table.

"Ugh gross! I can't eat this! Sloppy joes are so nasty. It looks like puke between bread!" said Sora in disgust when he picked up his sandwich and the meat slipped out back onto his tray.

"Thanks for the mental picture," said Axel setting his sloppy joe back down.

I took a small bite out of my salad. I don't really want to even try to eat the other food. I need to find a way to get rid of it, because Aerith usually checks my tray before I put it up.

I really just want to go back into the art room and draw. Being around people makes me nervous.

The rest of the table all lost there appetite after a few more disgusting comments. They got up and went to take their trays up to be washed.

I followed after them slowly thinking of a quick way to get rid of the barely touched food on my tray.

There's an open window near me. So I scoot over and dump the rest of the nasty food off my tray. I proudly walk up to the line. Aerith give me a smile seeing my empty tray.

I feel guilty tricking her. But she shouldn't be butting into my life. I can control my life without any help.

"Hey Namine want to come hang out in the lounge with us?" Sora asks me.

I shake my head no and turn to walk to the art room.

I turned too quickly. My vision blackened to wear I couldn't see. I felt off balance. I tried to blink away the darkness but it wouldn't go away. I felt even dizzier. I stopped walking afraid I might fall down.

"Are you okay?" Sora's voice sounded like it was coming from underwater.

I tried to lift my hand up to my face to rub at my eyes but my arm felt heavy and weak.

My legs felt weak and I stumbled back. This isn't a fun blackout. It won't go away.

Someone grabbed onto my arm. I couldn't see who. My vision wouldn't come back despite my rapid blinking.

"What's wrong, Namine?" I could hear Riku's voice, but it sounded far away.

I tried to pull my arm away but I just set myself off balance and fell back my eyes fluttering closed.

* * *

"Namine! Wake up!"

I slowly opened my eyes.

I felt really cold but sweaty. I was lying on the tiled floor of the cafeteria. Aerith and some of my lunch table group were staring down at me.

I suddenly felt very self conscious. I don't like so much attention being directed at me.

"How old are you?" Aerith asked me.

I signed fifteen with my hands.

She put a hand on my wrist and looked at her watch counting my pulse.

I really just wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep. My stomach is cramping up. I feel weak and sleepy.

Without realizing it I closed my eyes.

"You need to stay awake honey," said Aerith urgently shaking my shoulder.

She pulled out her beeper thingy and pressed a few buttons.

I started to drift back off to sleep. I am so tired.

I opened my eyes again when I felt myself being lifted up.

Zack and another big nurse were putting me onto a gurney.

They seemed to be talking to me, or maybe asking me questions. But my ears were oddly muffled.

I can't think straight. All the white walls were rushing past me. I noticed I was breathing in gasps.

Zack put a hand on my forehead. It felt warm and nice.

I closed my eyes again and relief washed over me as I fell into the deepest sleep of my life.

* * *

**Mmm. I went through a bad constriction of food phase.**

**I fainted a few times. **

**It's probaly the dumbest thing Ive done next to jumping in my neighbors pool in my underwear during a thunderstorm.**

**But I'm not sure if its written right.**

**I'm too tired man.**

**Review! Or shamoo shall slam your body till your as flat as a pancake! And you get served up with bacon at IHOP!!!**


	12. Demyx: Pills

**I wrote another story!**

**Check it out guys!**

**Disclaimer: I never had have had never had had have never owned the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 12

Numbness.

That pretty much summed up my mood.

When I went to Ansem's office it was like something out of an overdramatic movie. I could practically hear the ackground music. Ansem sat at his desk with a solemn expression on his face. He pulled out my pill stash and laid them down on his desk without saying a word.

My blood ran cold.

They weren't supposed to find that.

He said all this corny stuff about not giving up on life and the dangers of me not taking my meds. At the end he made me take one of the pills and I got to go to dinner.

My brain started working slower as the pill started to take effect.

I didn't have much of an appetite.

Everyone started freaking out when Namine suddenly fainted. But I felt very detached from it all.

This is why I hate taking my pills. I couldn't feel anything. I mean I could run my hands through my hair and feel the stiffness from the gel. But if someone were to come up and tell me my whole family was dead and the Earth was about to be hit with a meteor, I would have a hard time even focusing on what they were even saying. That's why when Aerith passed out pills I would put it under my tongue and then take it out to put in my pill stash.

I was sitting in the lounge trying to focus on the activities going on around me.

When people talked I'd have to a wait a second for my brain to realize what a word meant. But once I understood, they would be saying other words, stringing them together in sentences. I couldn't keep up with it.

I started to go into a drone. I just sat with my mind completely blank not thinking about anything.

When it became time for lights out I got up slowly and dragged my feet back the room I shared with Zexion. All my movements were sluggish. I had to concentrate with all my might on moving my limbs.

I finally got back to my room and sat down on my bed exhausted.

Zexion wasn't back yet.

I turned on my side at curled into a ball focusing on my breathing.  
The steady rhythm of my breathing lulled my into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I woke up to someone shaking me.

"Whaddawant," I gasped sitting up quickly.

Zexion was standing next to my bed. "Aerith wanted me to wake you up so you could take your pills," said Zexion smoothing his hair down nervously.

I collapsed back down in my bed. My head was just starting to feel clearer. I don't want to take my pill and go back to being all muddled up. But I knew if I didn't take it willingly, it would probably be shoved down my throat.

I got up still wearing my wrinkled clothes from yesterday that I slept it. I even slept in my shoes. I walked down the hallway rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Aerith stood by the nurse's station handing out Dixie cups filled with water and pills.

We took pills once in the morning and once before bed. Some patients had special schedules though. Depends on how medicated you needed to be.

I stood in line behind Axel. His spiky red hair was sticking out at all angles and looked even wilder than usual.

I could tell I also had crazy bed head going on.

Axel looked very serious staring straight ahead. He has changed a lot since when he first came to Radiant Gardens, and not in a good way. He barely smiled anymore. He spent a lot of time in his room. I could see that he was flexing his hands nervously. Like he wanted to reach out and strangle someone. He took the pills from Aerith. Opened his mouth to show he swallowed them and quickly walked back to his room leaving behind a cold vibe.

"Now Demyx, I want you to swallow your pills this time. No sneaky stuff," said Aerith holding two Dixie cups out towards me.

I took the cup holding the pill and popped the pill in my mouth. Instead of putting it under my tongue I placed it in the back of my mouth between my molar and cheek. I took a gulp of water just for show.

"Open," instructed Aerith. I opened my mouth careful that the pill doesn't show.

"Lift your tongue."

I pulled my tongue up. I could taste the weirdly bitter taste of the pill in my mouth. It wasn't very pleasant.

"Good job," smiled Aerith.

I walked back to my room with the pill still in my mouth.

Zexion was lounging on his bed reading his book. I walked over to my bed and took the pill out of my mouth and put it in my pillowcase. Zexion doesn't usually bug me about my pill stashing. I don't know why I didn't just throw the pills out of a window. Or flush them down the toilet. I'm not going to take them, but I just can't throw them away. I have the packrat mindset; you never know when something may come in handy.

"Why don't you just take the pills?" asked Zexion looking over at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"They don't help," I replied tensing up. I was usually an open guy. But some stuff is just private.

"You don't switch personalities when you're on them though," said Zexion flipping his purplish bangs back in his face.

"I don't do anything when I'm on them," I said sitting down on my bed.

"What do you mean? The pills are to cure you," said Zexion.

"Oh yeah right! Cure me? That's bullshit! All they do is make me so out of it I can barely walk straight, let alone think," I said back feeling frustrated.

"But it controls your problem. So they work. If you took them then you would get tolerance for them and be able to concentrate."

"I _did_ take them! They numb everything! They don't help! I'd rather be dead than take the pills! I am dead when I take them!" My voice started getting louder.

Before I even know what happened, Zexion had crossed the room and grabbed the front of my shirt, getting right in my face. Anger was twisting up his face. His violet eyes were stormy.

"Don't. You. Dare. Say. That." he said haltingly through clenched teethed.

I have never seen Zexion get angry before. He was always so composed. This is shocking.

He let go of my shirt taking a deep breath to calm down. Without uttering another word he walks out of the room.

I am really confused. That was strange.

'_Oh Demy-boy you are so ignorant.'_

What are you talking about, Brian?

'_Zexy's a little sensitive isn't he,' smirked Brian._

You're stupid.

'_You know when you insult me, you're really insulting yourself.'_

Stop going all psycho analyzing on me.

'_Ha, if I was your therapist I'd be giving you shocks,' sniggered Brian._

That's not legal anymore I think.

'_Yeah, you just get those cute little pills now. Good job not taking them, Dem. Now we can chit chat.'_

That's not why I didn't take them.

'_Are you sure about that?'_

Brian is just so annoying. He can't go five seconds without annoying the hell out of me. It makes me want to tear my hair out and start screaming.

'_I love you too,' said Brian with a fake mushy lovey dovey voice._

At that moment the door opened and Zexion strolled back into the room.

"Listen Demyx, I'm really sorry about that. It just hit a nerve when you were talking about being dead," said Zexion avoiding looking me in the eye.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have said that. I was just mad," I replied.

'_Ha, look at the fairy fuck. What is with the hair?' Brian started laughing loudly._

I ignored him and tried to focus on what Zexion was saying.

"Were you serious about how you rather be dead? It can't be that bad," asked Zexion.

"Yes, you don't know what it's like. It's like I have no soul or heart whatever you want to call it," I said.

'_Whatever would you do without your heart!? Oh the humanity!' squealed Brian._

Although the alternative was worse.

'_That hurts Dem.'_

"Are you alright?"

"What? Yeah! I'm great. Why?" I said looking up.

"You just keep getting an angry look on your face," said Zexion digging for something out of his bedside drawer.

'_Why don't we show him some real anger, Dem?' giggled Brian_

Don't you dare!

I could feel Brian spreading out. It was like he was expanding from my head into the rest of my body. I tried to fight him back. But I could only slow him down.

I jumped up from my bed. I need to get out of this room. Brian is going to hurt Zexion. Just like how he hurts everyone I start to get close to.

"No!" I yelped when Brian stopped my legs from moving. I was being pushed back to the spot where I usually keep Brian.

"What's wrong?" I heard Zexion ask.

"Shut up." Brian made me say.

I felt so weak. Zexion was going to be hurt just because I wouldn't take that dumb pill. Brian can control me so easily.

I tried to fight it.

I was drifting farther back.

I could dimly hear a yell.

Then all my senses were gone.

* * *

**Oh shizz! Cliffhanger!**

**You know...I may just make the next chapter somthing unrelated.**

**A completly other character story.**

**So you guys are like "Ergh I hate her! What happens to Zex-baby?"**

**Review! And David Bowie will pop up at your breakfast table saying, "Oh hellllllllllll, to the no!"**


	13. Roxas: Morphine

**I'm soooo stoned right now.**

**I don't know man.**

**My throat is burning from that stuff.**

**I don't even know what it was.**

**What the fuck did I write?**

* * *

Chapter 13

Spinning spinning spinning…the room is spinning.

I put my pinky in my mouth. It felt really good to bite down on it.

I bit down harder. I shoved my pinky back farther into my throat.

I gagged and took my pinky out.

Gagging doesn't feel good.

Morphine feels great though. All the bad is gone in the world. All the hate, hurt, paranoia, shame, and pain is gone, replaced by complete love. All I could feel was love for everything. I want to hug my morphine drip, but I felt heavy. It felt like my limbs weighed as much as elephants. So I can't show it the love it deserves.

I really like elephants, especially the pink ones. Why don't they have more pink elephants in zoos?

When I get out of this bed I am going to start a petition to save the pink elephants.

"How are you feeling today, Roxas?" asked some nurse that gave me the morphine. I really like this nurse. She gave me the love.

"I am feeling fantastic! I think we need to start a petition," I replied enthusiastically.

She laughed, "You have someone here to visit you."

"Bring 'em in!" I said. I love visitors. I love people. They are my favorite thing in the world. If I could surround myself with people all the time I'd be the happiest guy in the world. I tried to get up to greet my visitor but the nurse pushed my back down into the soft pillows.

"You need to sit still; we don't want you tearing up your stomach more. It's still healing." said the nurse giving me a lecturing look.

These pillows are very nice and fluffy, like little clouds under my head. My head is in the sky. Ha, who use to say that to me?

As if answering my question, my older brother Cloud walks into the room solemnly. I don't know why he looks so sad. I want him to feel the love that is in the world. But he looks so sad. Happiness is so simple. It's so easy to be happy. I don't know why I couldn't just be happy before.

"He's a little loopy off the painkillers," whispers the nurse to Cloud before she walks out of the room. I can clearly hear this. I laughed a little. I do feel a little loopy. That nurse is a smart one.

"Hey Rox, how are you feeling?" said Cloud softly pulling up a chair next to my bed.

I never noticed how shiny and soft looking his hair was. How yellow it is. I reached a hand out to grab a spike. He tensed up and looked at me a little alarmed. His hair is soft.

"It's just so _beautiful_," I said intertwining my fingers in the soft blonde spikes.

"Thank you," he replied quietly, grabbing my hand and detaching it from his hair.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited in a while," said Cloud looking down at my sadly.

"It's fine. Because dude, I like love you, like you're my brother, and I love you," I said back. I felt warm and happy.

"I really wish you were sober," said Cloud quietly. His face is still a stony mask.

"I really wish you'd cheer up," I slurred back.

Cloud was quiet for a moment. Then another moment…and another…and another.

The room was thrown into a very awkward silence.

I couldn't think of anything to say to him. I really want to see my brother happy. I stuck my pinky back into my mouth. It's really fun to chew on. I can't even feel it.

"Rox, stop it," said Cloud breaking the silence. He grabbed my arm and pulled my pinky out of my mouth.

It's red. I squeak in surprise at the color. How can such a color exist in such a love filled world? I feel tears sting my eyes. I don't even try to hold them back. They felt _right_. The world isn't filled with love. Red is everywhere. Red causes the hurt.

I needed to cry for all the unfairness. It's not fair I was in this bed. I shouldn't be here.

I grabbed onto the wires in my arm and ripped them out. I didn't even feel the pain. The morphine tube was ripped out of my arm too. I felt bad. The morphine had given me so much love and I just hurt it.

I just hurt things.

"Roxas stop!" Cloud grabbed me and pushed me back onto the bed.

I felt something twinge in me. I am hurting Cloud. Cloud looks so sad because of me. I can't cheer him up, because I made him sad in the first place.

"I sorry….please….I-I-I'm so-so-sorry," I sobbed.

Cloud hugged me tightly and petted my hair shushing me. I buried my face in his shirt and cried. Cloud shouldn't comfort me, I'm full of red. I tainted him.

My abdomen started to ache sharply. It felt like little knives stabbing me over and over.

I let go of Cloud and curled into a little ball clutching my belly.

I hurt so much. I miss the morphine. All the bad things came rushing back to me at once, my brain being bombarded with all the horrific images of what I've lived through. I wish I would've died instead of Kairi. It was all my fault. I want to take it back. I wish with all my heart the red would disappear. I can't take it anymore.

Nurses rush into the room.

Cloud steps back from my bed. His eyes look dead. He's giving up on me. I just know it. I can _feel_ it. He knows I hurt him. He's finally getting smart.

This just made my abdomen clench in pain even more. Tears were steaming freely down my face.

The nurses were gently trying to pull my body into a straightened position. But I stayed curled into a ball.

I felt another pain on my arm. A nurse had shoved a giant needle in my arm.

I felt dizzy. My vision started to blur.

The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was, Cloud's cold dead gaze watching me.

* * *

**I don't know.**

**God I suck! **

**I'm an idiot! I fucked up guys.**

**Review? So I feel better.**


	14. Zexion: Break On Through

**

* * *

**

Finally! You are going to find out what happened between Demyx and Zexion.

**I know you've just been gritting your teeth in anticipation!**

**Disclaimer: The story is all mine. The characters are not.**

* * *

Chapter 14

"Shut up," says Demyx his face darkening.

I straighten up and look at Demyx. His shoulders are tensed and he has a malicious smirk on his face. His eyes are lit up like a predator stalking prey. I can tell he's changed personalities. He's acting exactly like he did in the cafeteria.

"Just calm down, Demyx," I say as soothingly as I can.

He takes a step towards me, "That's not how you say my name."

"What?" I take a step back feeling puzzled.

"B-R-I-A-N. That spells Brian! I really hate when people get me mixed up with that little loser you call Demyx," he smiles evilly at me and takes another step towards me.

"Please bring Demyx back. I want to talk to him," I say taking another step away from him.

"Don't lie to make friends, Fairy-Fuck," sneers Brian creeping closer towards.

My heart starts to beat erratically. Everyone knows Brian is Demyx's violent side. The door is on the other side of the room past Brian. I know I can't make it by him to get help.

"You know Zexy; I always wondered what it'd be like to be a doctor. You know, the medieval kind," he lurches forward and grabs my wrist, "The ones that would bleed there patients."

He pushes my sleeves up and smiles at the scars on my arms. "Oh my my, you've had treatment before."

"Stop it, Brian," I say sternly trying to pull my arm back, but his grip is too tight.

"I think you're still a little sick, Zexy. You need another treatment," he giggles while taking his other hand and digging his nails into my arm.

I grit my teeth trying not to let out a groan of pain. His nails open up some of my healing scabs.

"Look at that! You're already bleeding, don't worry Zexy, you'll be better in no time," Brian coos, getting so close to my face we're almost touching noses.

"Fuck you!" I spit back at him. I can't believe Demyx could even make a personality like this monster.

"Swearing is a very rude habit," leers Brian.

"Demyx! Can you hear me? Fight it Demyx, this isn't you," I shout into Brian's face. I can see Brian's eyes flicker for a second and then go back to being cold.

"Demyx isn't real! How do you know he isn't the other personality? How do you know I'm not real," says Brian his face tensing up in anger.

"Real people don't have to question their existence," I reply coolly.

Brian lets out a frustrated snarl and slams me back into the white concrete wall. My head hits the wall pretty hard and stars pop in front of my eyes.

"You think you're so god damn smart!" hisses Brian reaching a hand around my throat. He squeezes my throat, blocking off my air supply. I grab at his hand trying to loosen the grip but Brian doesn't let go. He stares straight into my eyes with a small smile on his face. He looks like he's enjoying every minute of me gasping for air.

"Demyx…..stop," I choke out. My lungs are screaming for oxygen. My brain is panicking, telling me to get away from the hand on my neck.  
Brian's grip loosens and then tightens again.

I don't want to die. I thought I did but now I know I don't. I have so much to live for. I was getting better. I could've gotten out of here and wrote a book or something. I was stupid. I am stupid. And now I'm being punished for it, right when I was getting my life back on track.

The hand on my throat is suddenly pulled back. I sink to the floor gasping for air.

"Oh god, I am so sorry. Are you okay?" says Demyx urgently leaning down next to me.

"Yeah," I gasp between breathes.

"I almost killed you!" says Demyx his face paling.

"It's okay, that wasn't you," I say back finally regaining my breathing.

"No no no! It was me; he's a part of me," says Demyx putting his face in his hands. He's really upset about this. I feel bad for him, even though he just tried to strangle me seconds earlier.

It wasn't him though, that was Brian.

Demyx created Brian though.

So it really is Demyx doing this.

Right?

I feel a headache coming on. I'm not sure what to think. It's so confusing.

"I won't tell anyone about this if you take your pill right now," I say standing up and pulling my sleeve down to hide my bleeding arm.

Demyx looks up at me with a tortured expression on his face. I know he hates the pills, but they keep Brian away so he won't hurt people. Demyx is just going to have to just suck it up.

"Okay," sighs Demyx his shoulders drooping. He walks over to his bed and pulls the pill out of his pillow case. He looks at the pill contemplating before he pops it in his mouth and swallows.

"You're going to be taking your pills from now on. You can't hurt people anymore. You're being selfish and a danger to people around you," I say to him. I feel a twinge of guilt when he cringes from my words. But Demyx needs some tough love. I am not about to get strangled to death just because his pills make him a little dazed.

"I promise, I won't hurt anyone ever again," mutters Demyx slumping down on his bed. I think he might be crying but he is staring at his hands and I can't tell for sure.

"Good," I reply and walk out of the room. I don't really want to be in the same room with him right now.

After seeing what he is capable of…

I don't know what to think. I always thought Demyx was so nice. I never thought he would try to kill me. I feel betrayed. My throat feels raw.

I head into the bathroom to clean up my still bleeding arm. I can't have to nurses seeing the blood. I'll be put in solitary confinement or suicide watch because they will assume I did it to myself.

I look in the mirror and see finger sized red marks appearing on my neck. The first signs of some nasty bruises. I'm going to have to wear a turtleneck or somthing.

Part of me wants to tell the nurses about Demyx, but I don't want to break my promise to him.

Demyx will take his medicine from now on.

He will get better.

I will get better.

Everything will work out.

Right?

* * *

**Wanna do somthing fun?!**

**Read my other story! I am proud of my baby!**

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**Unlike this one. I sort of just wing it with this one.**

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	15. Axel: Matches

**Oh maaaan. This is pretty long I think.**

**I like it! Axel's character is really starting to come out.**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah ya you know.**

* * *

Chapter 15

I am sitting in my room with my blanket wrapped around my shoulders staring at the wall.

What else am I suppose to do!

I can't go out _there_.

I can't take anymore of the screaming. I don't want to see anymore blood. I don't want to see the nervous ticks and the dead eyes.

I just can't take the suffering.

How is being in a place filled with all these bad feelings suppose to help me!?

It's driving me insane. I feel so cold. The blanket isn't warming me up at all.

I just feel so _cold_.

I want, no I need, some fire to warm me up.

But there aren't any lighters or matches! I have looked everywhere! I don't know what to do!

I feel so _cold._

I need fire to make it stop. I want to look at the soft glow of the dancing flames. I want to _feel_ it. I want to smell the smoke. I haven't had fire in 2 weeks.

How is this suppose to help me again!?

I had it all under control! So I burn myself one time! Big fucking deal! I shouldn't be here because of that.

"Axel?"

I look up to see that nurse Zack poking his head in my room. I want to say somthing back to him but some part of me stops my mouth from moving.

"You have a phone call," he says looking at me cheerfully. Like a phone call is the big event of the day.

Sadly, a phone call is probaly going to be the big event of my day. I wasted most of it freezing my butt off in my room. Now I get why everyone has a breakdown every once in a while. Theres nothing else to do!

I get up, still holding the blanket around my shoulders. I don't care if I look crazy to the crazies. I am **not** crazy. I am **not** like them.

I follow Zack to the nurses station where they keep the telephone on the wall. The telephone is basically just a headset and a cradle for it. There are no numbers to dial a phone number with. The nurses get all our calls and if they think it's safe for us to talk to the person then they transfer the call to the patient phone. It makes me feel like I'm in jail. Oh wait I practically am!

"Hello," I say into the phone. My voice sounds raspy from me not using it very much. I haven't really left my room for days.

"Axel? Hey it's Reno, how are you?" My hand holding the reciever starts to shake. The blanket slips off my shoulders and drops to the floor. I don't know why Reno is calling me, ecspecially after the last visit between us.

"Why are you calling me?" I say ignoring his question.

"Can't I call my little brother, yo?" laughs Reno. He sounds so happy. So happy with me gone.

"What do you want?" I ask bluntly. I tighten my grip on the phone trying to get my hand to stop shaking.

"I just wanted to know how you're doing," replies Reno his voice getting quieter.

"Why would you care!" I growl. They sent me here and now Reno wants to rub it in my face that he's free, while I'm locked up.

"What's wrong, Axel? Why are you acting like this?" asks Reno his voice adopting a hurt tone.

"As if you don't already know," I seethe into the phone. Oh I know what he's trying to do!

"No I don't know what the hell you're talking about, yo!" yells Reno.

"You just want to rub it in! Congratulations Reno! I'm not in your life anymore," I yell back into the phone my whole body shaking with anger.

"Axel, why are you acting like this? I want you in my life! You're my brother, yo."

"Stop it! Stop lying to me!" I scream into the phone before slamming it back into the cradle.

I want to _burn_ something!

I can't believe Reno is betraying me like this!

I need a match, a lighter, some flint, two sticks to rub together, anything!

I do not belong in this place!

God damn it! This whole room is flammable! I just need a match!

"Are you alright?"

I look over to see Zack staring at me with a worried expression.

"I'm fine," I reply in a tense voice. I can't really help it right now. Two fucking weeks without even a spark!

"It's a group day. I can walk you down to the lounge," offers Zack with a helpful smile.

"I can walk myself places. I don't need a babysitter," I seethe at him before walking down to the lounge by myself.

Nurses and a few patients are setting the chairs up in a circle.

I plop down in a chair and cross my arms. I'm still shaking from anger. I'm just so mad! I can't cool down. I want to scream. I want to _burn_. I want to punch somthing. I just need to let it out.

But I sit quietly waiting for Group to start. I'm not like the other patients. I don't have breakdowns. I don't belong here.

Finally all the other patients that are in my group are in the room. Leon looks around at us and welcomes us to Group, "Hello everyone, last Group session got cut a little short but hopefully today we get through this without any incidents."

Sora raises his hand shyly, "Is Roxas going to be okay?"

I didn't really think much of him leaving. Roxas is just crazy. I expected him to have a breakdown sooner or later.

"Roxas is recovering right now. He'll be back in a few days, don't worry," says Leon without a hint of emotion. He was spazzing out when Roxas puked up blood and now he's acting like it's no big deal.

"Today I think we should go around the group and say one thing we like about each other and one thing we think someone could improve on. This isn't to cut each other down, this is to help each get a view of yourself from the group. Who would like to be analyzed first?" says Leon in his mellowed out doctor voice.

This activity is pointless. I don't want to hear what a bunch of crazies think about me!

Riku raises his hand confidently, "I'll go first."

"I think you're really nice once someone gets to know you. But you kind of put of an unwelcoming vibe when people first meets you," says Demyx looking over at Riku.

"Okay, that's good. Demyx can go next," says Leon happy that his activity isn't becoming a bloodbath.

"You're really a cool guy. But your other personality is a complete asshole," says Larxene lazily over at Demyx.

"I'm sorry," replies Demyx looking down at the floor.

"You're a complete bitch," says Riku glaring over at Larxene.

"You're suppose to say somthing nice first, dude," whispers Xigbar.

"That was nice. I could've said somthing much worse," replies Riku coldly while Larxene smirks at him.

"Okay, Zexion, you're being quiet, why don't you go," says Leon breaking into the conversation. Where did this dude get his degree? Letting teenagers point out faults of each other is not the brightest idea.

"You're hair is a wonderful color. But turtlenecks are not your style, mate," says Luxord.

"This isn't about fashion, Luxord," scolds Leon.

"This is so stupid," I mutter under my breath.

"What was that, Axel?" asks Leon looking over at me.

"I don't get the point of this!" I say shrugging my shoulders.

"We're suppose to interact with each other and build ourself up through each other's progress," says Sora looking over at me smiling like I wasn't about to rip his head off.

"I don't want to interact with crazy people!"

"Well you know, you're crazy too," says Larxene.

"Shut up. I am not. I don't belong here." I can feel anger coarsing through my skin. My hands start shaking like crazy again.

"Then why is your hand all burnt up, dude," points out Xigbar.

God I want to _burn_ somthing.

"Does anyone have a fucking match!" I blurt out. I know they don't. Matches are a forbidden item.

"I think you might need to go see Ansem," says Leon looking at me carefully.

"I'm not going to see that shrink. I'm not crazy!" I put my hands in my hair and grip down trying to get them to stop shaking. I am not about to have breakdown and be just like all the other patients.

"Ansem is going to try a new therapy with you, Axel. It's called fire therapy. Zack can take you to his office. Does that sound good?" asks Leon soothingly.

I immediatly perked up at the thought of being near fire. Even if it was with Ansem. I would still get to be near fire. I jumped up and walked over to Zack who was sitting by the door.

"How is letting a pyro around fire a good idea?" I heard someone ask behind me.

I ignored them and let Zack lead me to Ansem's office.

But instead of going to Ansem's office I was taken to a bare white concrete room.

Ansem stood in the middle of it with a box of matches.

"I sense that you've been feeling very angry lately," says Ansem. I nod looking at the matches. Just one, I only need one.

"I think a good way for you to release some anger is to let it out the way you usually do in a safe envirorment," says Ansem in his calm voice. I see that he is also holding a fire extinguisher.

He hold the matches out for me. I take them, it feels like I'm in a dream. They are actually going to let me have matches? Seriously?

I shake a match into my hand and experlty strike it along the rough strip making the end light up.

The flame's glow makes me feel warm for the first time in two weeks.

I feel complete watching the flame consume the wood of the match dancing near my fingers.

"Don't burn yourself," lectures Ansem.

I shake the match out and breathe in the smoke. It smells so good. I missed the smell so much.

My anger and frustration is gone, like it had never been there at all.

"I'm going to let you have fire therapy until I can find a better way for you to distribute your feelings," says Ansem.

I could care less about what he's saying, I'm happy as long as I keep getting fire.

I light another match and feel the warmth again.

This is exactly what I should be doing.

* * *

**A little more of Axel's pyromania-ness.**

**Fire therapy is real people!**

**One of the only things I looked up.**

**You should go look at my other stories.....**

**Because it would make me happy as a clam!**

**Review? Pick your prize!**


	16. Riku: Murderous

**I haven't updated on my usual schedule.**

**Sorry bout that.**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 16

"Hey, Kadaj."

I was woken up this morning by the new nurse, Tifa, taking me to the visitor's room. I have never had a visitor before. But it's not like I complained about it, I don't want to see my family anyway. As long as the insurance keeps paying for my hospital fees I'm happy.

"Hello, baby brother," says Kadaj looking at me over the table.

"So...what's up?" I ask. I don't really know what to say to Kadaj. We weren't really close. He's 18 and I'm 16. Those years make a lot of difference. You know truthfully I think Kadaj is crazier than I am.

"How are you?" he asks showing no emotion.

"I'm good, you know..." I say vaguely.

"Father is dead," Kadaj says suddenly looking at me in the eyes.

"What?" I'm not really sure I heard him right. Dad can't be dead. That's just not possible.

"He was driving home from work and got cut off by a car. He lost control and ran into a tree," states Kadaj matter of factly. For a moment I feel like laughing from joy, but then I feel terrible for being happy about this. My dad is dead. I'll never get to see him again. This is not a happy moment.

"Mother commited suicide a few days after his death," says Kadaj his cold exterior breaking down and tears welling up in his eyes. He was always mom's favorite. I'll never get to see mom again either. Ever. I'll never get to hug her again.

"You can't be serious," I say feeling my chest painfully tightening up. Kadaj is just playing a sick joke. They just can't be dead. I am not an orphan.

"The funerals were yesterday, I'm sorry you couldn't attend. Mother would have wanted you there," says Kadaj with more tears escaping his eyes.

No no no no. This is **not** possible. They were suppose to be waiting for me when I got out of here. My dad was going to stop being an ass. We were all going to be happy!

"How did she do it?" I ask quietly. This just doesn't feel real. I should be crying shouldn't I? What's wrong with me?

"She's dead, Riku. It doesn't matter how it happened," says Kadaj angrily.

I don't feel anything. Nothing feels real anymore.

"I'm your guardian now since I'm eighteen, so you don't have to go into foster care or anything." Kadaj is acting like this is a business meeting.

"Am I staying here?" I ask quietly. I don't think I want to go back home. I don't want to see them not there.

"Yes, you're going to stay here for the remainder of your treatment," says Kadaj briskly.

"In the car......did it hurt?," I say. My brain is jumping around like crazy.

"No, his chest was smashed by the steering wheel. The EMT's said it was instant," replies Kadaj. He seems so different. Kadaj wasn't usually this cold.

Some part of me wishes my dad had been in agony before he died. I wish he felt every punch I took from him before he died. How much is an instant? Is it a second? Is it half a second? Did he have enough time to feel his chest cave in? Did he have enough time to realize he's dying? I hope he fucking did.

"I know this is really shocking news for you, but I have to leave. I have to meet with lawyers over the will," Kadaj says breaking into my thoughts.

"Oh okay. It was nice seeing you," I say getting up. It doesn't feel like Kadaj is my brother anymore. All those years of growing up together. Bearing the abuse from our dad. Playing football in the backyard. The connection is gone. Kadaj isn't my brother anymore. We don't have a family to keep us together. I don't have anyone left.

I watch Kadaj get up and go through the door to the outside world. I turn around and walk past the guard back into the ward. I'm not really sure what to do.

It's breakfast time so I head to the cafeteria.

The usual group are sitting at our table munching on their breakfast happily. I don't bother getting food. I just sit down in a daze.

They're dead? Just like that?

I didn't sit in a hospital for hours waiting to hear news. I didn't walk in and see my mother's lifeless body. I didn't see their bodies in caskets waiting to be buried. I skipped over all of it. I can't even remember the last thing my mom said to me. I thought I was lucky getting away from them, but I was just robbed of the last few months of their lives. This isn't fucking fair!

"Hey, Riku, you okay?" Sora asks me looking over concerned.

"Yeah, I'm just tired,"I reply trying to smile. I don't know if it was very convincing.

"Where have you been?" Axel asks. He's been so fucking happy since Ansem started some weirdo therapy with him.

"My brother visited me." Why did I just say that? I should've lied. They don't need to know what happened.

"Oh wow, he's never visited before. What's up?" asks Sora looking at me happily.

"He said-..." But before I can finish my sentence that bitch Larxene strolls up to the table with a smirk on her face. I hate her so much. She enjoys messing with me. I can't even hit her because she's a freaking girl. Even though she attacked me a couple days ago. Damn she hits hard. I had to lie to the nurses and say I fell out of bed and hit my face to explain the bruise her punch left.

"Hey losers," says Larxene sitting down between Axel and Demyx, right across from me.

Nobody says anything back to her. Sora looks like he's about to have an asthma attack. Demyx looks zoned out, I guess he's not a morning person. Zexion, looks....well he doesn't really have emotions.

Axel decides to break the silence, "What's up?"

"I just wanted to say hello to my favorite daddy's boy," replies Larxene gazing at me malicously.

I feel anger rush red hot through my body. It's like I got electrified. It's takes all my self control to not jump across the table and kill her.

I grip the table trying to keep my cool, "This is not the right fucking time to mess with me."

"Oh, feeling touchy today?" Larxene says smiling evilly.

"Just leave him alone," says Sora feebly. I am a little shocked he tried to stand up to Larxene. I know he's terrified of her.

"Awww little Sora grew some balls," coos Larxene redirecting her gaze at Sora.

"I-I...uh...um...y-you," stutters Sora picking at his nails.

I feel so _mad!_ All the anger has just built up in me, waiting to overflow. I want to hit somthing. I want to destroy somthing.

"Go away, Larxene," I say calmly. I feel like I'm about to explode but somehow my voice is calm.

Larxene leans across the table her eyes glinting,"Or what, daddy's boy? What are you going to do about it?"

That's it, that is fucking it!

I stand up from the table grabbing a fork from Zexion's plate. I want to kill her.

I am going to kill her.

I want to see her lying on the ground dead.

I don't say anything as I walk to the other side of the table and grab her by the hair.

Right in the neck! I'll let her bleed out like a pig. I poise the fork above my head ready to bring it down and stab her.

She looks at me speechless with wide shocked eyes. My anger sends a hot wave through my body. I'm happy she's afraid of me. I want her to be afraid. I want the last seconds of her life to be absolute terror.

"Riku stop it!" yells Sora standing up from the table.

Someone grabs my arm holding the fork and pulls me back. I hold onto Larxene's hair and drag her with me.

One stab, just a swift stab to the neck.

I fight against the person viciously trying to hold onto the fork.

"Just calm...ouch....the fuck....DOWN!" the person growls trying to put me in a headlock. It's Axel trying to save Larxene. That fucking traitor!

"Just one stab! Just one...." I mutter straining my arm against Axel's hold.

The nurses on lunch duty rush forward to break up the fight. Zack grabs onto my other arm holding onto Larxene and tries to get me to let go. I scream in protest.

Why are they trying to save her!? She's evil! He put me through hell and then just bailed out on me! I want to make him suffer like I did! Instant? A fucking _instant_ of pain! I went through sixteen years of torture and he checks out in an instant!

Zack manages to release my hold on his hair. I snatch at it vainly. The other nurse grabs my legs and I am lifted off the ground. I scream more trying to get them to let me go. Zack's grip on my arms slips for a second and I almost get free, but he catches both of my arms behind my back.

"No no no no no no no no! Fuck this! NO! Get off me!" I scream kicking my legs. Everything is rushing by in a blur. I am dragged out of the cafeteria still screaming.

This is just like last time.

Zack and the other nurse strap me down to a gurney. I fight against the restraints, but they don't loosen.

As sudden as my anger comes, it's gone. I slump down on the gurney exhausted. A sob escapes my chest. This just isn't fair.

I want them to pump tranquilizers into me. I want to go to sleep. I want to escape this.

"Riku? You just need to cool down. What happened?" Zack says soothingly.

"Please....just...knock me out....please," I sob. I feel so weak crying like a girl.

Zack looks at me for second before he takes a syringe from the other nurse standing behind him. He pushes the needle into my arm and I can feel the liquid enter my vein.

I quickly begin to feel drowsy.

I give into the drugs and close my eyes.

I want to sleep forever.

* * *

**Next POV? Eh eh eh? Watchoo think guys!**

**Yay.**

**Review? If you like turtles.**


	17. Everyone!

**This is my weirdo chapter.**

**You have to guess which characters are talking!**

**I think I made it pretty obvious.**

**But still...**

**I tried really hard to make it seem like different people talking.**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 17

Today is a good day!

Today is the day I go home. I can just feel it.

Yes that's right, today is the day I'll make a break through.

I don't feel angry anymore. I don't want to be as angry as Riku was. Now I know what I look like when I lose it. I will never be like that again.

Because today is the day!

* * *

Dead.

I feel dead.

No not even dead, I can't even feel that much.

_'That was morbid.'_

I wish I was just dead. Then I'd be somthing.

_'Finally falling apart, aren't you?'_

I fell apart a long time ago, thanks to you. You ruined my life.

_'Don't worry, I'll make everything better. You know I always had your best interests at heart. I'll fix everything'_

* * *

Warm. I am so warm.

I'll be out of here in no time. Just as soon as they realize I didn't belong here in the first place.

I was handling myself just fine before I got here. The sooner they realize this, the better.

I am happy, because I feel warm. I was unhappy when I was cold.

It's really not that hard to understand.

* * *

Dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt. There is dirt in that plant pot. Dirt contains germs.

Dirt is not allowed.

How could they just put it out in the hallway like this? I thought hospitals were a sterile envirorment! This is so unhygenic

It's needs to go. It can't stay. But I am not touching it. No way, that's gross. I am not getting sick and dying just because some idiot nurse brought a plant in.

Someone else is just going to have to move it.

I need to go find someone else to handle this.

Because there is no way I am touching that dirt.

* * *

No more hospital bed.

I have to go back.

I don't really mind because hospitals are so red. There is blood everywhere. It's like some cruel joke. Put red all over the place that is suppose to heal people.

I don't like hospitals very much. Unless they are hospitals on TV. Those hospitals are nice. I wish I was in the TV hospital.

I wonder if someone will create a device that lets you jump into the TV and hang out in all the shows. It probaly already exists. But some stupid person jumped into the discovery channel on shark week and got eaten. Then there was a giant lawsuit with purple faced lawyers.

People are just stupid sometimes.

Everyone knows not to watch shark week. It's common sense.

* * *

90 lbs.

This is good! I'm at my goal weight. After all that hard work I've finally made it.

They tried to make me fail, they tried to make me give in to food, but I kept my self control.

I am now beautiful. I am now perfect.

That was so easy.

What if I lose just 5 more pounds?

* * *

I just want to hug my mom one more time. I wish I could've told her I'm sorry.

All I want is a hug. I want to feel safe.

What did she smell like again? Like flowers and......somthing else.

What else did she smell like?

I can't remember.

It's been too long and now I'm forgeting her. I don't even have a picture of her. What if she changed while I was gone?

Did she even think about me before she did it?

This isn't fucking fair!

I thought leaving was a good thing.

I abandoned her. I should've been there to stop her.

But I left her and then she left me.

* * *

Oh thank god, I finally get to go home and sleep.

I need a vacation.

Restraining the crazies is a hard job. But I love my job. I do it because it's the greatest feeling in the world when a patient gets to leave.

So it's worth it.

Totally worth it.

* * *

I can't believe I'm considered one of these people.

Not for long.

I'll be leaving anyday now.

Anyday.

I'm too smart for this.

* * *

**There are a LOT of these mental institution stories.**

**Mine sorta sucks compared to others.**

**I don't know.**

**Review? If perfume smells edible. Come on...it smells like candy!**


	18. Sora: Kiss

**It took me a while to sit down and write.**

**Oh man. I'm nervous about this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 18

"So one time, I was at my mate's house. It was slummy old house, but I was so out of it I didn't care. My mate got a hit of whatever we were doing and passed the needle over to me. I took a hit but when I tried to pull the needle out of my arm the damn thing broke off. I was happy off the drugs and I tell my mate that I got a bloody fuckin needle in my arm. So he pulls out his knife and cuts it right out. I didn't even feel a thing. That's how I got this scar right here," Luxord says pulling his shirt sleeve up to show off a nasty looking scar on his arm.

I scooted slightly away from Luxord. Sharing needles just doesn't sound sanitary.

I think I'm going to sit as far away from him as possible from now on. I don't want to catch some weird disease.

"Whoa, that's sick looking!" Axel says leaning closer to look at Luxord's arm.

"Put that nasty thing away," Marluxia says literally turning his....or her....nose up to the ceiling in disgust.

"Sharing needles is dangerous," I say quietly. I want to look away from the scar but from some reason I can't.

"And it's probaly the reason I'm HIV positive," Luxord says smiling sadly while pulling his sleeve down.

He **does** have weird diseases! I jump up from my chair and back away from him slowly, making sure he doesn't get up and tackle me or somthing. Luxord looks slightly hurt at my behavior but it's his own fault he's infested with germs. Did I touch him? Can I get it from touching him!?

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god, please don't let me catch it!!

"Sora sit back down, you're not going to catch it by sitting next to him" Riku says to me sternly. He knows what I'm thinking all the time now. It's like he can read my mind or somthing.

Maybe he can!

Maybe everyone but me can read minds. Then they all read my thoughts and make fun of me!

But that's not possible. No, I would have heard about it. Dr. Ansem says I need to work on my paranoia. No more conspiracy theories.

I sit back down at the table, but away from Luxord this time. As soon as it's dinner time I'm going to wash my hands just in case I touched Luxord or anything he touched.

"So I thought you like died from HIV," Axel asks Luxord. No one seems to care I got up from the table because I've been jumping up from the table every ten minutes over some new germ threat. There are just SO many germ possibilities! I can't help it.

"Not immediatly. The little bugger will get me eventually, but I'm feeling great now!" Luxord says smiling proudly.

"Whoa that's tough. It suck's you're stuck in here when you should be living it up," Axel says gravely.

"I did live it up for a while. God, what I wouldn't do to go back to those times," Luxord says, sighing wistfully.

"Drugs taint you're body," I say feeling queasy at the thought of all the weird things they do. Acid actually makes your brain bleed on your spinal cord! How is that even remotley appealing?

"Sora, you're on like six different types of drugs right now," says Riku rolling his eyes.

"No I'm not. I'm on _medications_!" I shoot back. That's completly different.

"It's basically the same thing," Marluxia says, lazily braiding his/her bubblegum pink hair.

"No it's not!" I say feeling slightly panicked. Dr. Ansem wouldn't give me pills that hurt my body. He wouldn't try and hurt me. They are to fix me, not hurt me! Right?

"Drugs mess with your head. What do you think your medications do?" argues Marluxia.

"They-they..........I'm not on drugs!" I say getting up from the table again. I don't want to hang out with them anymore. I need to talk to Dr. Ansem. He'll tell me the truth.

"Aw, come on Sora!" Axel calls after me.

I ignore him and walk out of the lounge into the blindingly white hallway. I make my way down to the nurses station determined to see Dr. Ansem.

The new nurse Tifa sits behind the counter happily typing away on the computer. She doesn't seem fazed at all by the craziness here. I suspect she's worked at a place like this before.

"What's up, Sora!" Tifa chirps happily from behind the counter.

"I want to see Dr. Ansem."

"He's on his day off. Can it wait until tomorrow?" replies Tifa while typing somthing into her computer.

I really hate when people multi-task, "Well can't you call him!"

"I'm sorry, Ansem can't be disturbed on his days off unless it's an emergency," replies Tifa.

"But this _is_ an emergency! Just tell him I need to talk to him! He'll come!" I shout feeling very panicked now.

"What's wrong?" Tifa is looking at me like she doesn't think my emergency is a real emergency.

"So like, I was talking to Luxord and I told him drugs were bad. Then Riku said that I was on drugs too. I said they aren't drugs, they're _medications_! Then Marluxia said drugs and medications are the same thing! So I need to ask Ansem if they are the same thing. Because I will **not** taint my body with drugs!" I explain quickly, talking in a big rush.

"No it's not the same thing. Your drugs are prescribed to help you. Luxord took drugs unprescribed, for fun. Crisis over." Tifa goes back to typing completly ignoring me.

I believe Tifa, but I still feel really anxious. I stand at the desk for a couple seconds feeling like I need to ask something else. But Tifa's typing starts to annoy me and I can't stand it any longer.

I walk back to my room touching the wall every five seconds. The wall is chalky feeling.

I make it to my room and close the door.

I open it back up and close it again.

The door isn't swinging right.

Open.

Close. Not right.

Open.

Close. Still not right.

Open.

Close. Damn it!

Open.

Close.

The fifth try feels right. I breathe a sigh of relief. Sometimes I have to open and close the door for hours before it closes right.

I turn around the look at the room. The bedspread on Riku's bed is wrinkled. He never makes his bed the right way. I walk over to it and pull the bedspread off it.

I switch around the sheets so the pillow is on the other side of the bed. I don't like how me and Riku sleep with our heads in the same direction.

I start to go around the room arranging different things. I arrange for about an hour in a daze until the room looks just right. I had to move the night stands and the lamps. I pulled the middle drawers of the dressers open. I lined up all mine and Riku's sock on the floor in a circle in order of length and color. I put the toothbrushes in the middle of the beds. I wrapped tissues over the doorknobs with rubber bands.

Arranging things is an easy way to calm myself down. I feel totally relaxed in my newly arranged room. Stuff just belongs in certain places. I've been trying to ignore my urges to move stuff the whole time I've been here. I feel so much better now.

"What the fuck did you do to our room?" Riku walks through the door looking around angrily. I was hoping that he would like the new arrangement.

"I fixed it," I reply from my position in the middle of the sock color wheel cringing at his bad language. I really don't like cussing. It makes me feel dirty.

"You're fucking crazy!" shouts Riku looking around the room, "What is your problem!? You touched my fucking stuff! I really don't want to deal with you right now!"

"I'm sorry. I-ju-just...." I feel my eyes sting with tears. I really hate when people yell at me. I worked so hard on the room. And now Riku is yelling at me.

Riku's eyes widen when he sees me crying, "Whoa, hey, don't cry Sora! I'm sorry! The room looks......nice. Just please stop crying."

"I-I'm not on dr-drugs," I sob gripping a red sock in my hand.

"I was just joking about that! I didn't mean to upset you," Riku says all traces of anger suddenly gone.

"I'm s-sorry, I'm be-being stupid." I try to stop crying but I can't. I hate crying, my nose gets all snotty and gross. I feel like such a baby crying in front of Riku. He's always tough. He didn't even cry when he told us about his dad in group therapy.

Riku stands in the doorway awkwardly. I wish he would just leave me alone.

"Just g-go! I'll put th-th-the room back. J-just leave me al-al-alone!" I stutter out.

"Sora, I'm sorry!" says Riku sadly.

"Go away!" I scream throwing a roll of socks at him. I know socks aren't going to cause much damage, but they're the nearest object to me. Besides I don't really want to hurt Riku.

Riku backs out of the room away from my sock throwing, "Jeez, fine I'll leave! Calm down."

My tears have stopped thankfully. I feel bad for yelling at Riku. I wish he would come back now. I hate being all alone.

I really wish Dr. Ansem was here. He can calm me down. I just need to see him!

I try to calm down by counting the socks.

There are 113 socks. 55 pairs and 3 unmatched ones.

I really wish I was normal. Actually I wish the world was clean! If germs didn't exist then everything would be different. Germs ruin everything!

I hate germs!

They ruin everything!

* * *

"Dr. Ansem is here if you still want to see him," Tifa says handing me my medications and a dixie cup full of water.

I perk up at the thought of getting to see him, "Yes!"

"Okay. Take your pills and I'll walk you down to his office."

I swallow my pills quickly and throw the cups in the the trash, "Let's go."

Tifa smiles at me and starts the long walk to Ansem's office. I feel calmer now that I know I'll be able to see him.

When we finally get to the office I open the door quickly and close it without another word to Tifa.

Ansem looks up from some paperwork on his desk and smiles at me warmly. He gets up and pulls a chair up to face me.

"How are you, Sora?"

"I've been really nervous." I reply.

"Why do you think you're nervous?" asks Ansem looking at me thoughtfully.

"I don't know! The littlest things keep setting me off!" I say exasperated.

"You need to relax and face whatever is bothering you," Ansem says calmly placing a hand on mine.

His hand is really warm and feels nice, "I'm trying, it's just really hard."

"I know."

I look up at Ansem feeling calmer by just being in the same room as him. He's the only person here that makes me feel like I can get better.

Ansem looks back into my eyes and leans closer towards me.

8 inches

5 inches

2 inches

8 centimeters

4 centimeters

1 centimeter

Ansem places his lips on mine in a light kiss.

At first I'm shocked and I want to pull away. This is just wrong. His beard scratches my face. I don't want to be kissing him!

But I stay still and let him kiss me, because Ansem has helped me out so much and I don't want to make him angry at me. Then he might stop helping me and I'll be stuck here forever! When his tongue pushes against my lips I open my mouth and let his tongue explore mouth.

This is so disgusting. Spit is so nasty. I want to puke.

But I don't push him away. Maybe this is part of my treatment? I want to be better. But I really wish he would stop kissing me.

After what feels like an eternity Ansem pulls away from me and gazes at me serenely.

I look down at my shoes feeling my insides twist with anxiety. I don't know what to say to him. I can still taste him in my mouth. I don't swallow my spit. I'm afraid I'll throw up and offend him.

"I think our time is up," Ansem says softly. He gets up and sits behind his desk ignoring my presence. I wait for him to explain what just happened to me but he just looks at the paperwork. I don't want to be with Ansem anymore. I'm afraid he's going to get up and start kissing me again, or something worse.

I stand up dazed and walk out of the room. I rush down the hallway to the bathroom. I stumble into one of the stalls and lean over the toilet feeling sick.

I hate being this close to a toilet. They are crawling with germs.

My stomach lurches at the thought of germs and I throw up my breakfast. I flush the toilet shakily and walk over to one of the sinks and wash my mouth out. I can still taste Ansem in my mouth. My head starts to throb dully with pain.

I squirt some soap in my hand and rub it on my tongue vigorously. The soap tastes terrible, but I ignore it.

I want to forget that ever happened.

I did not kiss Ansem. It did **not** happen.

I rinse the soap out of my mouth and spit a few times to get rid of the taste.

Clean.

Like it never happened.

* * *

**Oh no I didn't!**

**Yeah it happened.**

**That wasn't a dream! That was real!**

**Sora has a weird hero worship of Ansem.**

**So I wondered what would happen if Ansem abused that trust!  
Ansem is a little creepy.**

**Review! Because my friend just slept talked "The tattoo man just revealed his tattoos."**

**Oh and a chihuahua has been trying to eat my pants the whole time I've been writing this.**

**I toughed it out. **


	19. Demyx: Fixed

**We all love Demyx.**

**I feel so bad for doing this.**

**Just saying Demyx is 17 now.**

**I'm bad at putting ages in.**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 19

Another day, another pill.

I swallow it quickly. I hate these pills. I'm not even a person anymore because of them. I'm just the shell left behind.

I drag my feet slowly back to my room. It feels like I'm walking underwater. Nothing really registers with me anymore. I feel so detached from everything.

But this is worth it. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I can't take waking up to the horrible things I've done anymore.

I find myself sitting on my bed. I can't even remember making it to my room. It takes me a minute before I realize Zexion is in the room too.

"Hey," I say to him. I don't know why I'm talking. I just am.

"What's up?" Zexion looks up from his book at me. He stopped hiding his neck a few days ago. The marks from me choking him are gone. I'm happy I didn't cause any permanent damage.

"I took my pill," I say after thinking over what his question wanted me to say.

"That's good, Dem. You haven't had a switch in a while. The pills must be working."

I can't understand most of what he's saying. My brain works so slow. I feel mentally retarded. I tried to play my guitar yesterday, but my fingers were all clumsy. I couldn't even do scales. The pills took my music away along with everything else.

I don't reply to Zexion. I stare at the floor trying to think through my fogged up mind. It's literally like a thick white most has settled in my brain and I have to search for my thoughts blindly. I feel so lost. I feel so alone. Dead is a word I've been thinking a lot lately.

_'Your so stupid, Dem.'_ Brians voice sounds faint. The pills make him weak. I barely ever get to talk to him. I almost miss him sometimes.

How?

_'Don't take the pill tonight. Just don't take it.'_

I have to.

_'Trust me. Just this once. I'm going to help you.'_

I'm not going to let you hurt anyone.

_'Just don't take the pill. Nobody will get hurt.'_

I feel Brian fade away. The pill is pushing him away. I wish he would come back and explain this better. I grip my hair in my hands trying to fight the pill's effect.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," I whisper looking at Zexion. I lay down on my bed and curl up into a ball. I can't fight Brian. I can't fight the pill. I can't do anything.

I clench my eyes shut trying to make my mind blank.

Surprisingly it's easy.

* * *

_"Demyx, you're scaring me. Why are you acting like this!?" This woman is so stupid. She can't even tell I'm not her son anymore._

_"Brian, my name is fucking Brian, you whore," I say to her icily. I grab a knife off the counter and relish the look of terror on her face. The knife glints in the light as walk towards her._

_"Stop it, Demyx. This isn't funny. I am your mother. Listen to me!" she yells at me backing into the dining room table. _

_"You're not my mother," I mutter and grab her arm.__ I hold the knife against her wrist and push just enough to draw a little blood. She tries to pull away but I'm too strong. Tears fall from her eyes._

_"Remember that time, back when Demyx was in 5th grade, and you fucked that man across the street every Wednesday. Those were good times, weren't they?" I say making another slice on her arm._

_"Please, Demyx, that was a long time ago!" she sobs._

_"It's Brian, whore. Then your husband found out when that man came over one day to see you. But you weren't here. They got really mad. Yelling at each other and throwing things." I make a deeper cut on her hand feeling satisfaction when the blood drips onto the floor. _

_"Your husband grabbed a gun." I push the knife against her face making a small cut. She's sobbing beyond words now._

_"Demyx was in the living room when the gun went off. He went upstairs to find his dad's brains staining the walls," I whisper into her ear, "Isn't that just tragic?"_

_"I'm sorry! Please, I'm sorry!" she sobs loudly. But I can tell she's not sorry, she's just scared of my knife._

_"And it was all your fault!" I yell plunging the knife deep into her stomach.__ Her eyes widen and a wet sounding gasp escapes her mouth. One of her hands grabs at my hand holding the knife. I pull the knife out slowly. I want her feel this pain. _

_"My my my, that's going to leave a nasty scar," I laugh. _

_She gasps for air sinking down to the floor. Blood runs between her fingers holding the wound on her stomach. He face contorts in pain._

_I feel myself fading back. My work is done now._

_She's all yours, Dem!_

* * *

I open my eyes suddenly awake.

I never knew what happened between Brian and my mom. I just woke up and she was lying on the ground bleeding. She was scared of me when I tried to get near her. I called an ambulence when I saw that she had been stabbed. She told the EMT's I did it and I got carted off in handcuffs. Then I ended up here. My mom made a full recovery, but I haven't seen her since that night.

I feel terrible knowing what I said to her. We never talked about what happened to dad. I'm not sure if he commited suicide or if that neighbor guy killed him. The police said the cause of death was suicide, but I'm not sure. We moved after that and never mentioned it again. Until that terrible night 6 years later.

I don't want to remember this stuff. I want to forget my past. I want to lock it away.

The clock on my bed stand read 7:30. I missed most of dinner. I don't feel very hungry anyway. My head isn't as fogged up as before. The pill is wearing off.

But I'm suppose to get another pill in 10 minutes. I'm suppose to go back to being an emotionless zombie in 10 minutes. I can't live like this. It's tearing me apart! But I swore to Zexion. I swore I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore.

_'I'll make sure you keep the promise. Just don't take the pill.'_

I can't trust you! Why would I trust you? After all you do to make me miserable!

_'Okay, harsh. I explain this to you all the time I am here to **help **you.'_

Too bad you don't do much helping.

_'Just stop being difficult and don't take the fucking pill!'_

I try to ignore Brian. I walk out of my room down the hallway to the nurses station. There's already a line formed for pills. I stand behind Roxas whose staring off into space dreamily. He's been weird ever since he got back. But he's always been weird.

"Why are you acting so twitchy, Sora? It's getting on my nerves." Riku and Sora are standing behind me talking. I decide to eavesdrop.

"Oh am I twitching? I'm sorry," Sora replies in an oddly high pitched voice.

"Yeah, what's your problem?" asks Riku.

"No problem! I'm j-ju-just excited! For....the...uh...pills!" says Sora with a desperate edge to his voice.

"Stop acting weird," says Riku sternly.

Sora is a bundle of nerves. I saw him break down and cry when the paper towels ran out once. He's usually really nice, but we all have our moments.

It's my turn for my pill and I take the Dixie cups from Zack. Zack eyes me when I pop the pill in my mouth and take a gulp of water. He inspects my mouth for the pill and lets me leave when he's sure I swallowed it.

As I walk to the lounge I pull the pill out of my mouth and put it in my pocket.

_'Good job, Dem.'_

If you hurt someone I swear to god you will regret this!

_'No need for threats! I'm making it all better.'_

Or else!

I sit down on one of the wooden chairs at a table waiting for Brian to do something. The lounge is mostly empty except for Hatter. Everyone else is off showering and getting ready for bed. I watch Hatter jump up and down on the couch. My patience starts to grow thin.

DO something!

_'As you wish!' giggles Brian._

Brian lurches forward in my head and I begin to fall back. I let him take control without fighting. It doesn't hurt as much as usual. Warmth flows through my limbs and I lose control of them. Brian makes me stand up and grabs onto my chair.

I am swallowed by the darkness and see no more.

* * *

I wake up feeling very cold. And my arms are stinging with pain. I look around to see a LOT of blood.

There's so much blood everywhere.

The chair I was sitting in is broken into sharp pieces. A few of the pieces are swelled red with my blood.

God this is a lot of blood!

_'That's the point.'_

What did you do? My vision is starting to go blurry.

_'Just relax. It'll all be over in a little while.'_

I can't argue with Brian. I don't have the strength to. My heart slows down. I feel oddly calm.

I close my eyes and let myself fall back into the darkness again.

But this darkness is different. It's deeper dark that chokes the air from my lungs. I feel like I'm drowning in it. I feel pain.

So much pain.

Brian?

Brian?

He doesn't answer me.

What's going on Brian!?

The darkness swells over my head and my senses are no more. My thoughts are no more. I am no more.

There is nothing.

* * *

**Oh dear.**

**Is he dead? Is he alive?**

**It could go either way!**

**Review? Heehee. You'll find out faster!**


	20. Zack: Chairs

**Man. I was expecting to update waaay sooner.**

**Sorry bout that.**

**I got some very funny reviews.**

**I almost threw up from laughing.**

**Some stuff is only funny at 4 a.m.**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 20

"I don't don't think you're cut out for this job."

I suppress a groan and turn around to face Hatter. Can't he just leave me alone one day? It's like his mission in life is to drive me insane. All the other patients are in their room quietly getting ready for bed. Today was a good day. Everything went smoothly. And now Hatter wants to ruin it.

"Why do you think that?" I ask not really caring what his answer is.

"You should _have a seat_," giggles Hatter.

"It's almost lights out. You should go to your room." Hatter could be talking about a million different things. I don't have to energy to try to solve his little puzzle right now.

"My room! I know of no such thing, Sir!" exclaims Hatter putting his hands on his hips indignantly.

I look around for Aerith or Tifa or Leon or any other employee to deal with him. I don't have the patience. Luckily Aerith comes walking up the hallway towards me.

"Hey Aerith could y-," I start but she cuts me off.

"Oh good you found Hatter. Have you seen Demyx? I just did checks and he wasn't in his room. Zexion says he hasn't seen him since this morning," asks Aerith. She looks a little flustered at losing a patient. We are not suppose to let them out of our sight. We have to constantly be checking in on them and chaperoning them. With good reason. You wouldn't believe the stuff I've seen when I turn my back for even a second.

"Oh dear! Better hurry up before he's _really_ lost," says Hatter grinning evilly.

"Oh this is just great. I'll go look for him. You take Hatter to his room. Don't let any patients out of their rooms," I say ignoring Hatter and walking in the direction if the music room. I know he spends a lot of time in there.

The music room was empty.

I run across the hall to the art room and it is also empty.

I walk quickly down the hall to the lounge with a sense of dread overtaking me. Hatter's words start to creep me out. Maybe Demyx escaped? I have a feeling something bad happened to Demyx. I really hope I'm wrong though.

I walk into the lounge and my eyes are drawn to an overturned table. I cautiously approach it trying to see what's behind it. I can someone faintly breathing.

"Demyx?" I call out.

As I near the table I see a puddle of blood slowly spreading across the white tiled floor. My heart does a flip and I rush behind the table. Demyx is lying on his back with gaping wounds on his arms slowly dripping blood. Pieces of a shattered chair surround him. It looks like he used a sharp piece of wood to cut open his arms.

"Shit," I groan sinking down to my knees next to him ignoring the blood soaking my pants. Demyx's eyes are open blankly staring at the ceiling. But he seems far gone from reality. I don't know how long he's been lying here but he has lost a lot of blood.

I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and dial Aeriths number. She picks up on the second ring, "Zack?"

"I found him in the lounge. Get some medics. Hurry!" I say urgently.

"Okay," Aerith says. I flip my phone closed and turn my attention back to Demyx.

I carefully feel his wrist for a pulse. I find one but it's very weak.

"Demyx! You need to hang in there. Okay, Demyx?" I say staring into his eyes. His once bright greenish blue eyes are now dull and lifeless. That is not a good sign.

I feel a pang of sadness for him. I don't understand how someone could do this to themselves. Could his life really be that bad that he didn't want to live it anymore? I know I work in a mental institution and most of the patients are suicidal, but I just don't understand it. This is terrible. Dying alone in a puddle of your own blood is horrible. How is that more appealing than life?

"Brian?" I jerk out of my thoughts and focus on Demyx. His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Demyx!? Can you hear me?" I lean closer to catch his response.

"Brian?" his voice is even softer. He's lost too much blood.

"You need to stay with me! Okay Demyx? Everything is going to be okay." I really wish I believed my own words, but there's so much blood. I didn't know there could be this much blood in a person. The whole room smells like blood. I feel nauseous. I don't want to be with Demyx when he dies. I don't want to be the one who could've saved him. I can't take that on my concience!

"Zack?"

Aerith followed by a few medics are rushing into the lounge. I'm so happy they're here. I was about to lose my cool. I can't handle this stress.

"Over here," I call back.

The medics wheel in a gurney and set to work on Demyx. In seconds Demyx is just a blur of tubes and oxygen masks. The medics lift him up onto the gurney carefully and whisk him out of the lounge.

"I need to go with them. Do you think you can handle the rest of the patients for a while?" Aerith asks me.

"Yeah, go ahead. Call me if...anything happens," I say shuddering at the thought of Demyx never returning to the ward.

"He'll be fine," Aerith says putting a hand on my shoulder before leaving the room.

Everything feels so tame now. The lounge is empty with only the blood left to show what happened. After a few seconds I walk out of the lounge feeling unnerved. I almost jump out of my skin when I run into Roxas standing by the lounge staring off into space.

"Whoa! Jesus you scared the crap out of me! What are you doing out of your room?" I thought Aerith locked all the doors to the patient's rooms. We lock them at night to prevent stuff like the situation with Demyx from happening. Apparently the locks didn't work tonight. This place is going to be filled with the hospitals lawyers asking questions tomorrow.

Can't wait for that!

Just when I don't think Roxas is going to answer me he says,"I sprinkled salt on a snail once."

What the hell? "That's interesting. I think you need to get back to your room. Come on Roxas."

Roxas doesn't make a move to follow me, "No. I'm leaving."

"You can't leave," I say mildly confused. Roxas usually doesn't talk to me at all. And even when he's does it's only when he doesn't remember me. He has memory problems and his medications don't help. He's still mad at me for convincing Cloud that he needed to be put away in the ward. The kid is batshit crazy. And I could see it was tearing Cloud apart. I just wanted to help. Cloud is my best friend.

"Watch me," Roxas says walking past me down towards the door adjoining to the rest of the hospital. I know the door is locked so I don't hurry to catch up to him. I see something glinting in Roxas' hand. I squint trying to figure out what it is.

Are those keys?

He has a set of keys!

I run down the hallway to stop him. Roxas breaks out in a dead run to the door. He reaches the door when I'm only halfway down the hallway. I didn't know he could run so fast.

"Roxas stop!" I yell.

He ignores me and fumbles through the different keys trying to find the one that opens the door. He fits the right key in the lock right when I reach him. I grab his shirt and jerk him away before he can turn the key.

"Let me go!" yells Roxas trying to kick me. I grab him around the middle with one arm and pull the key out of the door with the other.

I start dragging him down to the isolation rooms, "How did you get the keys?"

"Traitor! You traitor! Let me go!" screams Roxas trying to squirm out of my grasp.

"I'm sorry but you have to be put in isolation until you tell me," I say using one of the keys to open a door to an isolation room. I let go of Roxas and nudge him into the room shutting the door before he can run out.

"Fuck you!" I hear him shout while banging on the door. I don't know what's gotten into Roxas. He's usually really quiet and doesn't cause much trouble. I'll have to report his behavior to Ansem.

I think about opening the door to talk to him but I shake off the impulse and walk back down the hallway to check on the other patients. He is not my problem.

Thankfully everyone is sleeping in their beds like they should be. I breathe a sigh of relief. I can't take another crisis. I head back to the nurses station to start on the massive pile of paperwork I've been putting off.

My annoying techno ringtone goes off before I can even grab a file. The name Aerith flashes on the screen.

I quickly flip my phone open, "Aerith? How is he?"

My nerves tense in anticipation. I hope with all my might that she tells me he's making a full recovery. Demyx is such a sweet kid. He's too young to die.

Please please please, let him be okay.

* * *

**OKay!**

**Sorrry Sorry Sorry****!**

**Cliffhangers are so terrible.**

**And two in a row is kinda cruel.**

**But the next chapter will make it all worth it.**

**This story has no ending in sight....so far.**

**Review? And the fleas of a thousand camels shall infest the crotch of your enemies!**


	21. Demyx: Words

**OKay.**

**It's a little short.**

**I'm not happy with it.**

**But I gotta go to school.**

**So I'll post it now and maybe fix it later.**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 21

_Demyx?_

Go away Brian. I'm tired.

_Demyx!_

I'm so tired.

_Nurse! His heart rate is slowing._

What? I'm not a nurse. Leave me alone.

_Can you hear me? You need to hang in there, Demyx!_

I just want to fall asleep. It's so cold here. I think I'm just going to nap for a second.

Just

a

second.......

* * *

My eyes shoot open like I've just been electrocuted.

My vision is all blurry. I can't see where I am. What happened?

I feel someone touching me and pain rolls up my arm in stinging waves. I jerk my arm away from the touch hissing in pain.

The person tries to say something but I can't hear them.

I don't like it here. My whole body hurts. It feels like my body has been stretched out. The pain doesn't dull, it just gets stronger. I want it to go away. My whole body is on fire.

"Just sit still."

The pain fades to where I can bear it. Slowly the figure of a women in a white unform standing by my bed comes into focus. She's wrapping bandages around my arm.

"What?" I croak. My tongue feels too big for my mouth.

The nurse pushes a button on the intercom on the wall, "Please page Aerith to room 209."

"What's going on?" I ask her. It seems I'm in a hospital but I can't remember why. The last thing I remember was walking down the hallway to take my pill. Everything after that is blank.

The nurse ignores my question and walks out of the room.

Bitch.

I try to get out of the bed but the pain leaves me gasping for air. Nothing but my arms seems to be bandaged up. I groan in frustration. I just want to get out of this bed and find someone to tell me what the hell happened!

Just when I'm about to rip the tubes out of my arms Aerith walks into my room smiling slightly.

"What happened, Aerith?" I ask desperatly.

"Oh my, you don't remember?" says Aerith her smile fading.

"Why am I in the hospital?" I say slightly annoyed Aerith is restating the obvious.

Aerith looks away from my face, "Last night you......tried to kill yourself."

Suddenly it all comes back to me in a big rush. I didn't take my pill. And then I let Brian take over.

"Did anyone else get hurt!?"

Aerith looks shocked at my reaction, "No, Zack found you in the lounge alone. Why did you do it Demyx?"

"I didn't do this. It was _him_," I spit out disgusted that I trusted Brian.

"Then why did Brian do it?" Aerith asks softly.

I'm not sure what to say to her. I never thought Brian would actually do this.

Or did I?

"I don't know!" I groan feeling frustrated. I'm confused. I'm not Brian! The doctors say that I am, but they don't know what it's like! They learned about my "disorder" in their textbooks. It's not the same as experiencing it firsthand!

I didn't want to kill myself! Brian wanted me dead! Because Brian wants to make me as miserable as possible!

I hate you, Brian!

........

........

.......

Brian?

.......

.......

I don't feel him in my head. I can usually feel him in the back of my mind, waiting. But I can't hear anything except my own inner voice. My head feels empty without him. I feel a pang of loneliness.

I break out in a cold sweat.

I'm....alone? He's gone?

Is this a joke?! It's not funny, Brian!

..........

"Aerith," I say my voice shaking.

"What is it, Demyx?" asks Aerith nervous at my rapidly changing mood.

I take a deep breath. I've been waiting to say these words my whole life.

"Brian's gone." My whisper seems to resonate throughout the room.

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**I gotta go!**

**Review! And I'll give you orange juice!**


	22. Roxas: Gravity

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**

I'm not very sure about this chapter.

This story is starting to get harder to write.

I use to be able to finish chapters in one sitting but it's taking me a few days to churn them out.

Ick.

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine...I borrowed the characters.**

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Chapter 22

I need to get out!

I can't be in here. They can't lock me up like this!

They want to lock up my mind. I'm **free! **And they can't stand it.

Those.....those.....Whitelocks!

This is NOT okay. I want out. I want out right now!

I scream at the door. I bang my fists against it. I kick it until my foot aches.

They ignore me. I _know_ the Whitelocks are standing outside the door listening to me. They love to watch me suffer.

I hate them!

I retreat to the corner of the room to catch my breath. I sink down to the floor and hug my knees.

It's so white.

They want to remind me of how red I am.

How I taint everything. I ruin everything that's pure. Like a disease. Cloud use to be happy until I lived with him. Kairi use to be alive. My parents were normal until I was born. Something about me intrigued Sepiroth and he only made it worse. Demyx tried to kill himself because of me. I'm spreading to the other patients, like poison.

Poisonous. That's what I am.

Anything I get involved in withers up and dies.

The colors tell me the truth, they **know. **

The Whitelocks are trying to poison me with myself. They want me to sabotage myself by locking me up in this little white room. But they don't know how it works. Their plan is not going to work. I **won't** let it work. I won't give them the satisfaction!

The lock on the door turns. My whole body tenses up ready to fight. The Whitelock that locked me in here steps into the room and closes the door behind him.

"So, are you ready to tell me how you got the keys?" asks the Whitelock.

I glare at him and clench my fists.

"I know you're having a tough time, but I just want to help you. Cloud wants you home. We all want you better," the Whitelock says crouching down in front of me.

I still refuse to talk to him. I will **not** let them get to me.

"Roxas..." He reaches his hand forward to touch me.

I shrink away from his hand, my face twisting up into a snarl, "Don't you dare touch me. I know what you're trying to do!"

"I'm trying to _help_ you!" cries the Whitelock pulling his hand away from me.

Lies! He wants to worm his way into my head.

Liar!

Liar!

Liar!

"I don't fall for your lies. How stupid do you think I am?" I say laughing nervously.

"Roxas, it's _me._ It's Zack!"

I look at the Whitelock closer. It _is_ Zack. Something flickers just out of reach in my head, "Zack?"

"Yes! Finally you recognize me! Jeez I need to get you your pills. I'll be right back, okay?" Zack starts to get up but I grab his arm desperatly. I **need** to tell him something before I forget it. While I still have clarity. Before the colors pull me back.

"Wait! I lied when the police asked! I did it!," I rush out in one breathe. My hands start to shake. The colors are threatening to overtake me, but I don't let them. Not yet. I need to tell him this when I'm feeling sane for the first time in months.

"Wha-what are you talking about?" asked Zack confused.

"I killed her! I killed her! I shoved her down the stairs! I killed Kairi!" I yell in his face.

"What? No. Sephiroth killed her, Roxas. That wasn't your fault," Zack says trying to soothe me.

"I told the police he did it. But it was me. She-" I stop to gasp for air. I feel like I'm going to puke. Memories of Kairi laying at the end of the staircase unmoving swim around my head. The colors swirl agitated.

"Roxas, you didn't kill her!" Zack says running his hand through his hair.

He **needs** to believe me! "You don't know what she was really like!

Zack stares at me speechless. I start talking faster, "She did everything she could to make me miserable! She made Sephiroth hurt me! She killed all my pets! She use to lock me in the closet for days!"

My vision makes the room spin for a second. I don't know what's going to happen now. I feel so helpless. I can't control anything in my life The colors are everywhere! I can't escape them!

"Oh my god," mutters Zack.

I can't say anything anymore. The colors wash over me pulling me under. It feels like gravity no longer exists in the room. Like at any second I'll float off into space and never come back. I hug the wall desperatly.

Blue creeps from my fingertips and stains the wall. But I don't let go. I'm too afraid. My heart is about to beat out of my chest.

"R-Roxas? Wow........I really.....don't know......what to do right now. I'll...um....just go get your pills," says Zack looking dazed. He gets up and walks out of the room. I let him go. Purple stirs up from the floor with every step he takes.

He closes the door and yellow mists into the room to join the other colors.

With every breath I take red comes out of me in clouds.

Orange drips from the ceiling.

Green flows into the room from the corners.

The colors fill the room and swirl together in a pool of emotions. I press myself flatter against the wall. I can't breathe. I can't hear. I can't tell if I'm alive anymore. I can only feel afraid. I can only see the colors mixing together to form black.

The black slinks slowly across the floor like a shadow. It comes closer and closer to me. I can't feel anything anymore. I don't know where I am.

The door seems to be a thousand miles away. The doorknob is turning. I want to tell the person to get away. I don't want to colors to control them too.

But before I can call out, the black wraps around my legs.

My heart's furious beating stops and I fall to the ground.

The black quickly engulfs me. I thought I was afraid of red. But it is nothing compared to black.

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**He sorta just had a bad acid trip.**

**Without the acid.**

**I'm going to go eat some cookie dough.**

**I don't care anymore.**

**Review?**


	23. Namine: Meaning

**It's been a while. Sorry about that.**

**Haunting Hearts will be updated soon. If you haven't read that yet....yeah self promotion =)**

**Not much happens in this chapter. **

**But you get a look in Namine's head.**

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Chapter 23

I caved! I gave in to it!

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!

They made pancakes today for breakfast. I don't even remember thinking! I just grabbed a plate and ate it all!

What happened to my self control? Months of brainwashing myself and in one fatal swoop I undo all that hard work! It's disgusting.

I'm disgusting.

I'm weak.

I'm fat!

There are hundreds of calories in pancakes! They were drowning in syrup! My stomach is flabby. I can feel it jiggle when I move. It's so gross.

I'm gross!

I couldn't even puke it up. I tried, but barely anything came up! I spent an hour leaning over the toilet with my fingers shoved down my throat and I got nothing but spit. I don't know what to do!

I feel so disgusted with myself. I blocked all thought of food out and now I'm _hungry_. I could eat five more plates of pancakes. I want food. I've been deprived of it so long and I just want to eat everything in sight.

Mashed potatoes sound so good right now.

NO!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

How dare you think that!?

You don't deserve food! You're fat! You should not be allowed to eat until your body has eaten all the fat away. You don't need food. You just think you do. Stop thinking like that. Do you want to look like an elephant?

I lean down and take another gulp of water from the water fountain.

The more water I drink, the faster the food will get out of my body. Water is good for me. There are no calories in water.

I wish the water fountain was colder though. My body would burn more calories heating up the cold water.

My stomach is almost about to burst with all the water I've been drinking. Even though I know there are no calories, I hate the way the water make my stomach bulge out.

Is it so much to ask for a perfect body?

Larxene is so pretty. She eats whatever she wants and manages to stay so thin. I hate her so much for it! But I envy her more. Even though Larxene is bitchiest girl I have ever met. But she can get away with being bitchy because she's beautiful.

Beautiful people can do no wrong.

I learned that a long time ago.

Riku comes up and stands behind me at the water fountain. He crosses his arm impatiently waiting for me to be done. I feel self-conscious with his gaze burning into my back. I back away from the fountain careful not to look at him and hurry down the hall to my room.

I feel full.

It's the worst feeling in the world.

I miss the hunger eating away at my stomach. I want the burning feeling back. I'm so use to it being there that I can't bear to be without it. It's like I lost a favorite friend.

I'm so weak for caving.

I have to mentally beat myself up to punish myself for giving into my hunger. I deserve to be punished. I lost my self control and now I must pay the price.

I pinch the fat on my thighs. I push my fist into my stomach. I mentally scream at myself for being so fat.

I hate food so much. I'm thinking about it all the time. It's like a weight tied to my ankle that I have to constantly fight against. I'm so sick and tired of this. I'm sick of waging war against my stomach.

But I can't give up.

Not after all this.

I know what I'm doing is stupid and could kill me, but I just can't stop.

Some people do heroin, I starve myself. It's just how it is.  
I think I could get out of this place if I started talking. I've mostly fooled Aerith and all the doctors into thinking I'm getting over this "problem". But since I don't talk they think I'm unfit to reemerge into society.

It's funny; I only stopped talking once my parents sent me here. This whole place is all talk no game. I don't want to say anything until my words hold actual meaning.

People talk too much while saying nothing.

Therapists try to get me to spill my inner secrets all the time. But that is stupid. Having a revelation about my parents fighting or something isn't going to make me instantly better.

It's all a bunch of bull and I want no part in it.

I'm only going to start eating when my starving is fulfilled, unless I die of course. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. In fact I hope I die from this. Because then I will win the war.

Whatever happened to the Right to Pursue Happiness? That's all I'm doing. Thin makes me happy. So I will become thin. It's a simple equation.

"Namine, you've been staring at the wall for like an hour. It's creeping me out," murmurs Larxene from her bed while she paints her nails an electric blue.

I look up startled; I didn't even notice she was in the room with me.

"You know, I should just talk to the wall. It'd be as good as talking to you. Hey! Maybe the wall will actually say something back to me. You never know in a place like this," says Larxene sarcastically. It seems she's talking to herself more than me.

I reach into the drawer of my bedside table and pull out my sketchbook. I would go to the art room but I don't want to be seen when I'm fat. I need to wait a few hours before I can face people again.

I make a random line on stark white paper.

I never plan out what I'm going to draw. It just happens. The image in my mind just flows out onto the page.

After drawing for a while I study my picture. It's of a field of mushrooms. The tops of the mushrooms look a lot like hearts. Instead of clouds in the sky, there are planets. Like the Earth had drifted over towards its celestial brothers. On the big mushroom in the center of the page sits a turtle with its shell cracked. The turtle looks out of the page with mournful eyes.

I feel much more relaxed after drawing.

Even though the therapists look through my sketchbook to see if I've been drawing anything with meaning I still feel at peace. I don't think they could get much meaning out of this picture. All my pictures have some sort of meaning but I've been hiding in my drawings.

I still feel full.

I just want the hunger pangs to come back.

I put my sketchbook back in the drawer and curl up in a ball on my bed. Maybe when I wake up the hunger will be back.

I just want to sleep and forget about the war for a little while.

Because it's the only time I can ever escape the obsession with food. If only for a couple hours.

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**Teehee**

**Now you guys need to pick the next dramatic event.**

**What to you want to read?**

**Sora's issue with Ansem? Demyx's loss of Brian? Riku's coming to terms with the parents deaths? Luxord's withdrawels? Cloud's POV?**

**You know. Whatever you want!**

**Gimme some ideas! And some good writing music!**

**Review? I'm asking for a lot of inspiration this time.**


	24. Luxord: Want

**I have a cold. :(**

**And I'm getting stressed out over driver's ed and finding a job and soccer and school and EVERYTHING!**

**So I'm sorry if my updates aren't as frequent.**

**Stay with me!**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters duuude.**

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Chapter 24

The new guy is twitching like crazy.

Everyone in my Group Session is sitting around waiting for it to start. I'm staring curiously at the newest patient. He's pretty young. But he looks like a tough kid, like he had it rough. But right now he's twitching every few seconds and clenching his hands into tight fists.

I think he's tweaking.

I would give anything to be tweaked on something right now. Oh my god I mean **Anything!**

I have many fond memories of breaking bones for painkillers or knocking my teeth out for anesthesia. I would've sold one of my kidneys if it wasn't so messed up from all the drugs.

I am such a wreck.

It's almost funny.

"Hello everybody, we have a new arrival. Welcome to Group Therapy, Hayner," says Leon smiling at the twitchy new guy. The new guy jerks his head in some sort of nod. I take that as a hello.

"Hey, I'm Axel!" Axels says waving happily at Hayner. Hayner jerks his head again.

This kid is a spazz.

Sora who is sitting next to Axel points at himself, "I'm Sora."

"Riku."

"Hey, I'm Larxene."

Roxas doesn't say anything.

"Name's Xigbar."

"My name is Zexion."

Namine is also speechless.

It's my turn, "I'm Luxord."

Hayner doesn't say anything. He just looks at us with a guarded expression on his face. I really hope he isn't going to be another quiet kid. Roxas and Namine creep me out. I was always taught not to trust the quiet ones. And that rule has never failed me.

So far......

"Would you like to tell the group why you are here?" asks Leon. I don't understand why Leon has to put people on the spot like that. No one wants to share their shameful secrets with a room full of strangers. I sure as hell didn't.

Step 1: Admitting you are an addict.

That was the easiest and the hardest step. I am obviously addicted to many drugs. But it wasn't fun having to bring that fact to the surface.

"I've…um….sort of…been trying to kill myself for a while," mutters Hayner his face turning red.

Oh great, that's just what we need, another whiny suicidal kid.

"What do you mean "a while"?" asks Riku looking at Hayner confused. That was an odd thing to say. Most people can kill themselves in one go. This kid must be stupid. It's not that hard to kill yourself.

"I'd rather not talk about this," mutters Hayner. His shoulders twitch violently.

"Why are you so twitchy?" I ask. I'm wondering if he's tweaking or not.

"I don't know. I'm just nervous I guess," replies Hayner crossing his arms tightly.

Liar.

"Okay, well let's get started with our discussion today. Eventually some of you will rejoin society. What are your plans for the future?"

There is a very uncomfortable silence.

I almost want to laugh. I'm a _drug addict_. I have no money. No hope of getting a job. Most of my friends and family won't talk to me anymore. I'm only here because I got caught dealing meth and the court sent me to rehab. I don't have much hope for a future. Even if I do end up staying sober, I still have HIV. I won't live more than a few more years. I'm not going to have a happy ending no matter what.

I don't see much hope for anyone else sitting in the circle either. We are all too fucked up beyond repair to function normally.

I can't think ahead one day. Let alone the rest of my life.

"No one wants to volunteer? Okay, Hayner why don't you share a goal of yours." Leon just doesn't get it. We don't have futures.

Hayner stops twitching and gets a small grin on his face, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to be a serial killer."

"What?!" stutters Leon his eyes widening in shock.

"Yeah, like stabbing people and messing with there inside, it sounds fun. I would send bullshit letters to the police and have a calling card," says Hayner enthusiastically. He seems so much more confident now.

I'm not sure if he's joking or not.

"I don't find that funny," says Zexion stiffly.

"I'm just sharing my hopes and dreams. I'm not trying to be funny," says Hayner smirking like he wants Zexion to challenge him.

"You're sick," spits Zexion. His fists are clenched tightly. He looks like he really wants to punch the new guy. Zexion is usually such a mellow guy. I've never seen him angry. It's scarier than I thought.

"Sicker than you know, Scar Arms," replies Hayner, grinning madly.

Chills run down my spine. He said this full of conviction. He doesn't sound like he's exaggerating. He said it like it was the simple truth. I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't already a serial killer.

Zexion's face flushes with rage, but before he can say anything back, Leon cuts into the conversation, "I think you need to find a better goal, Hayner, one that doesn't involve hurting yourself or other people. Okay?"

"Whatever," mutters Hayner, slumping down in his chair.

"So…Sora! What do you want to do with your future?" asks Leon desperately trying to save his lame discussion topic.

The rest of Group Therapy is pretty boring. Leon spends most of the time lecturing us on the importance of having goals and working towards the goals.

I said I want to stay sober when he asks me.

But I want drugs so much more! They ruin my life. They are killing me. They make me sad and pathetic. But I **want** them!

I want I want I want I want I want I want want want want want want MORE!

I can't just take one hit and be done. I need another and another and another. I can't stop. I can't fill my need for drugs. I hate myself for wanting the drugs so I snort some coke to feel better.

I've been off detox pills for two days now. They were just to make sure I don't have a heart attack from the shock my body is going to go through without my normal drugs. I haven't had any sort of drug in my body for two days.

I've been completely sober for two days.

I have not had any form of drugs for two fucking days!

I sit down at the lunch table with Larxene, Xigbar, and Marluxia. I'm not particularly friends with any of them. But I rather not sit alone or sit with some dangerously insane person.

I try to eat my soup but I feel nauseous just looking at it.

I don't want food. I want a thick line of coke. I want a big bottle of Jack Daniels. I want a syringe filled with the purest heroin.

I want.

I want.

I want!

I try to focus on what Marluxia is saying. I need a distraction. Any sort of distraction! I can't let myself want drugs because I'm not allowed to have drugs. The more I think about drugs, the more I want them, which makes me realize that I can't get drugs while I'm locked up in this place. And that thought really depresses me.

"So have you heard the story on the new guy?" asks Marluxia in a low voice.

"Not yet. Do you know his story?" asks Larxene her eyes glinting maliciously.

"Of course," says Marluxia rolling his/her eyes, "Apparently he's a bug chaser."

"What's that?" I ask confused. I've never heard that name for a disorder. Does he have some weird obsession with insects?

"He sleeps around with anyone and everyone hoping to catch AIDS or HIV or something like that so it will kill him. Yeah, it's fucked up," explains Marluxia lightly laughing.

"So basically, he's suicidal and a sex addict," says Xigbar smirking.

"I heard some nurses talking and they said he's been trying to kill himself for two years and he's completely STD free. Rotten luck! The kid is only like sixteen too. He started sleeping around at fourteen. I pity the therapist that gets his case" says Marluxia.

"Man I wish I had that luck," I murmur. He _wants_ a STD. That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. He can have my HIV, I don't want it. I would give anything to be healthy.

"Oh yeah, I would watch out if I was you, Luxord. The new guy might try and seduce you," giggles Larxene.

"I may be a gay, HIV positive, cheating, drug addict, with a slight gambling addiction, but I am not a pedophile. I don't need that added to my record," I scoff.

The table laughs and Xigbar brings up another conversation. I focus back on my soup. I manage to eat half of the bowl before I can't swallow anymore.

I feel nervous, happy, calm, angry, excited, sad, all at the same time. My hands are shaking. I need a drink. I need five drinks and a line of coke.

But I can't have it. So I just have to deal with it.

I put my tray up and follow the line out of the cafeteria. Most of the other patients are going to get pills, but no pills for me. I have to go watch a lecture with the other substance abusers.

All the lectures are the same.

I had a wonderful life. I did drugs. I had a terrible life. I went to rehab and used the 12 steps to get over my addiction. Now my life is wonderful again.

My life isn't like that. I didn't start with a wonderful life and I won't end with a wonderful life.

Marluxia follows me to the lecture room along with a dozen other patients. To my surprise the new guy shows up in the lecture room too.

I knew he was tweaking.

I'm always right about kindred spirits. I can pick a druggie out like an expert. The twitching, shifty eyes, shaking hands, sunken eyes, and skinny body are all key signs of addiction. Frizzy hair and tracks on arms point to a heroin addiction. Nosebleeds point to cocaine. The coughing, rotting teeth, and, itching, tell me who the junkies are . I can see it before they even begin to tell me. I have the same symptoms. I am them. They are me. We are all in the same boat.

We are all Addicts and we will always be Addicts.

We may get sober, but we will always want the drugs.

I know, I'm being pessimistic, but it's the facts.

I bump into someone on my way to sit down. It's the new kid. I try to walk around him but he doesn't move out of my way. I glare down at him. I'm not above beating this kid's ass.

"Move," I growl.

The new kid smirks up at me, "No problem."

He steps out of the way and I sit down in one of the hard plastic seats. The speaker starts talking. He had two kids and a wife, but he screwed his marriage up with his alcohol addiction. Then he found God and realized that He made him go through his hardships so he can inspire others to overcome their own addictions.

I'm not inspired.

Not in the least bit.

This speaker does not know what addiction really is. He just got drunk and made an ass off himself. He never hit rock bottom. He never got to the point where his life was a constant drugged up haze. He never lived from hit to hit. He's a fraud. I can tell that the rest of the room isn't very moved by his story either.

I don't want to sit here and listen to this bullshit. This isn't going to make me not want drugs.

Because right now I want to get fucked up so I don't have to listen to this idiot.

I can feel someone staring at me. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. I chance a look behind my shoulder and my eyes meet the gaze of the new kid.

He's staring at me intensely.

He's staring at me…..hopefully?

I quickly face front again.

I am not going to ruin that kid's life.

I don't care how twisted his mind is. I'm not sharing my disease. It's mine and mine alone. Sorry buddy, go look somewhere else.

I have my own problems to deal with.

* * *

**Plot twist!**

**Man oh man.**

**I got quite a few plot twists to work with right now.**

**Do you like Hayner entering the story?**

**Review! I shall send songbirds to follow you around and make every moment a musical moment!**

**(btw thanks for all the wonderful reviews and story alerts/favorites. You guys are awesome.)**


	25. Sora: Big Snap

**The beginning is an idea I got from the song "Kiss Off" by The Violent Femmes.**

**Man! I'm pretty good at updating these past two days.**

**I have a full weekend though.**

**And I need to write some Haunting Hearts.**

**Sooo I don't know when the next update will be.**

**Disclaimer: Yeah yeah yeah we all know the drill.**

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Chapter 25

One for my panic.

Two for my habits.

Three for my anxiety.

Four for my confusion.

Five for my family.

Six for my sorrow.

Seven for the hate.

Eight for my shame.

Nine for the evil.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

Ten is for everything.

I sweep my hands across the table and push the crayons out of order.

I've been in the art room for hours counting the crayons out and then ruining the order so I can start over again. I don't want to leave the art room. I don't want to be sent to _his_ office.

Every time I go there it gets worse.

The beard scratching my face, the stern grip on the back of my neck, the disgusting spit, I can't take it anymore. It's disgusting and it makes me feel dirty.

He was supposed to help me! He was helping me! But I broke my routines and the forces of the universe made sure to make my life terrible. They twisted the one person who was supposed to help me into someone evil.

I can't be helped.

That is the only solution. There is no solution.

I have to keep to the routines forever or suffer the consequences.

Namine sits down next to me and opens her sketch book to a blank page. I'm thankful that she doesn't touch me. I can't handle a germ threat right now. My nerves are frayed to the roots. I feel the snap coming. The Big Snap is almost here.

I've always known that one day I'll go completely barking mad. I'm going to lose all sense of myself and end up in a straitjacket. I thought maybe I was getting over my problems but that's not going to happen. It was only false hope. I see the truth now. I am powerless against myself.

The Big Snap is coming and I want it to get here already. I want to be put out of my misery. I want to exist without thinking.

My head hurts.

I count the crayons and mess them up again.

I count the crayons and mess them up again.

I count the crayons and mess them up again.

I sigh loudly and peek over at Namine's drawing. She's drawing a clothesline strung up in the backyard of a farmhouse with sad looking people hanging limply on the line. The drawing is in all shades of grey. The background is unfinished but I get the effect of what's going on.

It's weird, but I like looking at it. Namine is a really good artist.

"That's a nice picture," I say softly.

Namine smiles shyly at me and continues to shade in a tree.

"I forgot, you don't talk, do you? That's okay. You don't have to if you don't want to. I just think it'd help if you did. Since, you know, you can actually be helped. You're just refusing to be helped," I say sadly.

Namine glares up at me angrily her mouth pursed. She shuts her sketch book hastily and gets up from the table. She sits down at a table in the corner far away from me.

I didn't want to make her mad, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you."

Namine refuses to look up at me. She stubbornly draws in her sketchbook.

I feel sad. I really didn't want to make her mad. I feel a deep sinking in my chest. I feel hopeless. I only wanted to help. But I can't help myself, so why should I be able to help someone else.

I arrange the crayons on the table once more. Then I get up and walk out of the art room. I don't like the art room much anymore.

I walk down the hall and make sure not to step on any of the cracks in the tiles. I don't have a mother's back to break, but I still don't step on the cracks just in case.

I walk the hallways aimlessly for a while. I'm not bored. I've resigned myself to the fact that I have nothing to do. I don't want anything to do. I can only be bored when I want to do something.

Zack walks by me and halts to a stop. He's dressed in his usually brisk white scrubs. He doesn't look as energetic as usual. He actually seems a little worn down. I feel bad for him. It's me and the other patients that wear him out.

I stop and wait for him to say something.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Sora! You have an appointment with Ansem."

My heart freezes when he mentions Ansem, "I'm not going."

"What? Why won't you go?" Zack asks confused.

"I just can't," I say weakly. I'm ashamed. I'm afraid to go into that office again.

"What's wrong Sora?" Zack seems genuinely concerned.

"I-I….." I don't know what to say. I just want to tell him. But I'm afraid too. I don't know what I'm afraid of. I just don't want to go back into that office.

"I thought you liked Dr. Ansem?"

"I use to, but…." I falter off again. I can feel my face blushing. My hands are sweating. I want to wash my hands really bad right now.

"Did something happen?" asks Zack.

"Yeah, sort of," I mutter. I can't look him in the eye. I know he's going to ask me what happened, but I don't know if I'll answer him or not. If I keep it a secret then I'll have to keep going to the office and go through it again and again. If I tell him now, it will stop. But I'm afraid.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" ventures Zack crossing his arms.

"Ansem….for the past few sessions….he…um….sort of….kissed me and I didn't like it at all, but I didn't know what to do," I say the last part quickly. My hands are shaking and sweating now. I'm nervous. I don't want Zack to call me a liar and throw me out of the ward. I'm not ready to leave. I don't want to have the Big Snap around my grandma. I don't want her to see me have my giant breakdown.

I look down at my feet and wait for Zack to yell at me. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just kept it to myself. That was a mistake. I'm stupid. I need to wash my hands and count something. I need to do my routines. Something bad will happen if I don't do my routines. I can't let that happen.

"This is really serious. Come with me, we need to talk about this," Zack says with his mouth turned down in a frown.

I feel sick. I shouldn't have told him. Now I'm going to get thrown out of here. I can't leave!

I follow Zack down the hall feeling like a criminal on death row. We stop in front of the nurse's lounge and Zack motions for me to go inside. The room is a little homier than the rest of the hospital. There are big comfortable chairs and a snack machine. The walls are painted a light blue instead of the blinding white. I don't feel relaxed though. My whole body is tensed up. I don't sit down because I don't know how clean the chairs are. I could catch tuberculosis! The nurses are around sick people all day. They have to be carrying around something!

Zack flops down in the nearest armchair and faces me seriously, "So…explain exactly what happened?"

"You know, I made it all up! I'm sorry. I'm just going to go back to my room," I say with a hysteric edge to my voice. I shakily back up towards the door.

"Sora, I know you're not lying. Just tell me what happened. I'll record it on my tape recorder," Zack holds up a little tape recorder, "Then I'll give this to the hospital's lawyers and Ansem will be fired. Sexually taking advantage of a patient is inexcusable. We won't let Ansem near you again."

"I…I-I….okay," I sigh. I want to get this over with, wash my hands, and forget it ever happened.

I explain the first time when Ansem kissed me. Then the next couple times and how it got worse each time. I told him how Ansem acted like he never kissed me and just dismissed me from the office after he was done with me. I said it as quickly as possible, just getting it all out so I don't have to think about it anymore. It grosses me out. It makes me feel unclean. I want to shower really bad now. I want to scrub my skin raw. It feels like germs are crawling up my back to my head.

Zack turns off the tape recorder, "That's enough for now. I'm really proud of you for being so brave, Sora."

I feel so awkward, "Can I go now?"

"Sure. But you can talk to me anytime you feel like you need to, okay?" says Zack with a friendly smile.

"Okay," I mutter backing out of the room.

I know I should feel better now that I don't have to see Ansem anymore, but I'm a nervous wreck.

What if Ansem comes after me for revenge?

What if the lawyers don't fire Ansem?

What if Ansem had mouth herpes and now I have mouth herpes?

Oh god.

I shouldn't have told Zack. I should have just dealt with it. This is bad. This is really bad. The forces of the universe don't like this. I can just tell. I don't know if the routines can fix it.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!!!

I sprint to the bathroom desperately. I stop at a shower stall and turn both of the faucets up full blast. I jump in the stream of water fully clothed. I don't have time to undress. I need to get clean and I need to get clean RIGHT NOW!

I grab the bar of soap and furiously rub it on my arms.

My shirt is sticking to me and my jeans are being pulled down by the weight of the water.

The water is burning hot but I prefer it. Heat kills germs.

I rub the bar of soap in circles and count the rotations.

"1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10," I mutter and switch to my torso. I can hear someone else walking in the bathroom, but I really don't care right now.

I'm a psycho crazy compulsive wreck! Everyone already knows, why hide it anymore!

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Axel is holding back to shower curtain and looking at me puzzled.

"I'm taking a shower," I reply through gritted teeth. Axel made me lose count. I don't like him being so close to me. He's _hovering_. I hate when people _hover_.

"Fully clothed?" asks Axel raising an eyebrow.

"YES! NOW GET OUT!" I scream ripping the shower curtain back to cover the stall.

"Jeez, touchy touchy. Whatever, Sora, go ahead and scrub your skin off," I can hear Axel mutter outside of the stall.

I grip the soap in my hand. Axel acts all high and mighty like he doesn't even belong here. He looks down on everyone else and I'm sick of it. I usually get along with most people, but Axel pisses me off!

So I open up the shower curtain and throw the bar of soap at his head as hard as I can.

"Ouch! What the hell was that?!" Axel yells turning around to face me.

I smile at him insanely. All my emotions have just built up into something indescribable. This isn't the Big Snap yet. It's like a warm up, just the beginning tremors.

"Oh I'm sorry; it slipped right out of my hand," I say still grinning.

Axel stares at me with anger building up in his eyes, "Apologize…now."

"I already did," I say laughing a little. I just want to mess with him. I want to make Axel feel terrible. I'm tired of being a complete mess. It's his turn now.

"Whatever, you're not worth my time," mutters Axel turning around to walk away.

I'm not done yet, "You think you're so much better than everyone else! But you are just as crazy, maybe even crazier than most of the people here. I heard you yelling at your brother on the phone. I saw you the first week before _he_ started fire therapy. You're pathetic!"

Axel turns back around to face me his face a mask of fury. He grabs onto my wet shirt and slams me into the divider wall of the shower stalls. He pulls out a lighter from his pocket and lights it under my chin.

He waits for a second regaining his composure just enough to speak.

I'm not scared, but I don't like Axel touching me.

"I swear to fucking god I will light your ass on fire. Don't you EVER fucking dare mention ANYTHING about ANY of that stuff to me!" snarls Axel his face twisted in rage.

I really want Axel to stop touching me.

"I'm wet. I won't light on fire when I'm covered in water you idiot," I say lamely.

Axel's nostrils flare like he's about to yell at me but he lets go of my shirt instead. He puts the lighter back in his pocket and steps back. He looks oddly calmer now…but there's something under the calm.

"I'll get you. And it will be way worse than just a burn. You just wait," growls Axel backing out of the room.

I smirk at him and wave happily until he's gone.

The second he's out of the room the Big Snap warm up is gone. I'm back to my normal self. Panic creeps into my mind the more I think of what Axel said. What does he mean by "worse than just a burn"? What's he going to do?

Oh god.

He's going to kill me.

He's going to torture me and kill me.

Why didn't I just let him leave!? Why did I have to pick a fight?!

I slink back into the shower stall. The water is still running. I slide down to the floor and wrap my arms around my knees. I let the water pour on my head and trickle down my face.

I stare at the tiles on the floor and begin to count them.

I'm scared. I don't know what to do.

"8-9-10-11-12-13-14."

What did I get myself into?!

"20-21-22-23-24-25-26-27."

I was stupid and now some psycho red haired pyromaniac is going to kill me.

"40-41-42-43-45-46-47-48-49."

I never should have thrown the soap.

* * *

**AhA!**

**Axel's crazy is gonna come out a little more.**

**He seemed so normal at the beginning, didn't he?**

**Hahaha! It was all an act!**

**Okay.**

**Readers choice time!**

**POV can be the following:**

**Hayner's or Axel's or Demyx's or Roxas'**

**Review? And I shall send my fairy friends to sprinkle you with fairy dust that can make your burps come out as rainbows!**

**That's a sweet deal right there.**


	26. Hayner:This Sucks

**I've yet to decide if I like this.**

**I was going to do Demyx, but he's still in the hospital recovering.**

**Hayner is sort of all over the place. I'm sort of getting the feeling he doesn't come off as a likeable character.**

**But that's for the readers to decide!**

**Disclaimer: These characters belong to Square Enix**

* * *

Chapter 26

"Hey!"

No response.

"Hey you!"

Are you deaf or something?!

"Excuse me, sir!"

This is queer-o! Just turn around!

"I'm fucking talking to you!" I yell losing all patience.

Finally the idiot turns around, "What?"

"You know what; you pissed me off so much I can't even remember what I wanted to say in the first place!" I say poking the guy in the chest.

His bright blue eyes look back at me confused, "I-I'm sorry?"

"It's okay. It's not your fault," I sigh while rolling my eyes. I hate that word. _Sorry._ It's just an automatic response nowadays. He doesn't really mean it.

"O-okay?" stutters the confused guy.

He's actually kind of cute in an innocent take-pity-on-me way. I'd totally do him if I wasn't meeting him in a mental hospital. I've done the dirty with plenty of crazy people but not _in_ a crazy hospital. That's just taking a step over the limit for me. He _is_ pretty damn cute though….

Aw fuck it, I have no limits.

"So what's a cutie like you doing here?" I ask moving slightly closer to him. He backs away nervously.

"The Whitelocks convinced Cloud to send me here," mutters the confused guy staring at his feet.

"O-kaaay, that…must suck, I guess." I'm not exactly sure what that meant, but he's still pretty hot.

"So what's your name?" I ask giving him a friendly smile, a very _friendly_ smile.

"R-Roxas," he mutters inching away from me.

He has a weird name, but I guess it fits him. Cause he's a weird kid. I grab onto his hand ignoring him jumping in shock, "Hey come with me!"

He lets himself be led by me. I smile to myself. This is a good sign. We're halfway down the hallway when some dude with long brown hair and a scar between his eyes stands in front of me blocking the hallway.

"Excuse me!" I say as politely as I can even though I'm not feeling very polite right now.

"Where do you think your going?" asks the dude crossing his arms.

"Mmm…down the hallway?" I'm not sure if he's seriously asking this question or if it's some sort of riddle. Does he think he's like some troll under a bridge? Maybe he has identity crisis? That must suck.

"You guys have Group Therapy. You need to go back to the lounge," says the dude looking at me like he doesn't trust me.

"Okay," mutters Roxas pulling out of my grasp to go back to the lounge.

"You can't tell me what to do!" I challenge him. I hate when people try to make me do stuff when I could be doing better things. And I'm pissed off that he scared Roxas away!

"Yes, I can," replies the troll guy smirking.

"Who do you think you fucking are?!" I say loudly. I feel myself getting angry. I don't like his cocky little smirk.

"I'm Leon, I conduct Group Therapy. I really think you should go back to the lounge and find a seat," he says.

He's an **authority. **I remember him from last Group Therapy. I should have recognized him!

"Y-yes, whatever you say, y-your honor," I stutter. I don't like **authorities**. They scare the shit out of me. I back away nervously. I can feel my hands twitching. I want to be as far away as possible from him.

I walk quickly back to the lounge. My hands keep twitching until I get out of eyesight of his cold gaze.

I'm ready to leave now.

I've been here two days and that is long enough for me.

I don't like being in these mental places. There are too many **authorities**. My stupid ass parents put me in these places all the time. But this is a long term hospital. I don't get to leave until I'm 100% sane. I only stayed like a week in the other hospitals. I don't know how I'm going to live through this.

There are a bunch of the other patients in the lounge already. I would sit next to Roxas, but some nervous brown haired guy and an emo kid are sitting next to him. So I grab a seat next to my current muse. I smile at him and he looks away from me quickly.

You know how dogs can sniff out drugs? Well I sort of have a sixth sense for people with AIDs. I can just tell. It's like a gift.

The blonde guy that is in the druggie group with me is totally infected. I noticed during that gay-ass lecture. I could sense it in him.

Maybe I can finally get it. Maybe this will be my lucky fuck! He's kind of cute. I wouldn't mind him being my gift-giver. I just need to talk to him! Hopefully he will understand.

Yeah, I just need to talk to him.

The **authority** from the hallway walks in and sits next to me. I'm not very happy about being so close to him. I clasp my hands in my lap tightly.

"Quiet down guys, it's time for Group." Everyone in the room stops talking and looks at the **authority.**

"Today I think we should bring up the topic of God. Having something to look to for strength is really important. But it's okay if you don't believe in a God. I want to know where you guys look toward when you need strength," says the **authority**.

"All you people talk about is God! There isn't one. You die and rot in the ground! Give it a fucking rest!" says my muse heatedly.

"There may not be a god, but there is a balance in the universe," says the kid with brown spiky hair nervously.

"What do you mean "a balance", Sora?" asks the **authority**. Chills run up my spine whenever the **authority** talks. I really feel like I'm going to suffocate sitting so close to him.

"People just need to keep a balance or the forces of the universe will get messed up," says Sora picking at his nails.

"You sound like some new-age hippy freak," laughs the silver haired guy next to him. I classify this guy as a complete jerk off from the sound of his voice. He really needs to shut up.

"I think God gave up and is going to let the world destroy itself. Then he's going to start over. God abandoned us a long time ago," says the girl with hair that makes her look like a bug.

She sounds like a downer.

Dude when is this over? This is lame. I don't want to sit next to this **authority** anymore. I don't mind being next to my muse, but I'd rather it be in private. This argument is stupid. No one is going to win so why fight?

"That's an interesting outlook Larxene. What do you think, Roxas?" asks the **authority**.

He really needs to stop talking.

Roxas looks up like a deer caught in headlights. "Stay behind to get ahead," he says slowly.

What the fuck is this kid talking about?

"That sounds like it came from an inspirational calendar," says the dude with an eye patch smirking.

Shoot me. Seriously, just shoot me!

"What do you think about God, Hayner?" The **authority **looks at me expectantly. I freeze up. I don't know what to say! Everyone at the room is looking at me. I feel stupid sitting there with my mouth hanging open.

So I say the first thing I can think of, "I had sex in the baptism pool thing once at a church. The chick I did it with got baptized in it the next day. Sooo…yeah…that's pretty much…yeah…I'm sorry that was inappropriate wasn't it?"

No one says anything.

I feel like an idiot. The **authority** is staring at me and it's making me twitch. I feel even dumber twitching. I wish I could just sink into the floor. I can feel my face blushing. I don't know why I said that. It's like the filter in my brain, that tells me what I shouldn't say, is broken. Now everyone thinks I'm a freak.

"What does that have to do with God?" asks the guy with really really really, I mean _bright_, red hair.

"I don't know," I say exasperated.

"Then what do you think of God?" says the red head in a "duh you idiot" voice.

I really don't want to answer this question. I don't like forming opinions. I wish they would move on to the next person. I just want to scream at all of them to stop looking at me.

"C-can I g-g-go to the bathr-r-room?" I ask desperately to the **authority**. I'm twitching and shaking so much I can barely talk. I wish I could just get up and walk out of the room but the **authority** has to let me go. I can't do anything with asking him.

It sucks.

The **authority** looks at me skeptically, "Are you sure you can't wait? Group is almost over."

I feel like I might have a panic attack if I don't leave now! I breathe in and out trying to calm down enough so I'll stop twitching. It's not working all that great.

I put my face in my hands, "Whatever."

Did I mention that this sucks?

The **authority** goes on talking about God and strength and the healing process for the next ten minutes. I don't really listen. I just want to leave. I want to go home and hang out with my friends. I miss Pence and Olette. They never judged me. They don't think I'm crazy. I could act like myself around them. We all hate the **authorities **together. I never thought I would miss them so much. I feel so alone here.

I feel like shit.

I don't deserve to have Pence and Olette as friends.

I'm bad. I'm terrible. I'm sick.

I hate these depressions. I feel fine and then I just want to curl up and die. I hate it. My head pulls up all the things I hate about myself and shoves them in my face. I need something to take my mind of it. I need some drugs. I need a good fuck. I want to feel happy again.

I want it to stop.

I'll do anything to make it stop.

"Our time seems to be up. I want you to think about what we talked about today. You need to find something that gives you strength. See you next session." The **authority's** voice breaks into my thoughts.

I jump up from my chair and bolt out of the room. I don't think I could have stayed in there a second longer.

I forget how to get to the cafeteria so I decide to go back to my room. I'm not very hungry anyway. I don't share a room with anyone. I'm not aloud to because the **authorities** don't trust me. They think I'm going to try and seduce my roomate or whatever. They could have just paired me up with an ugly person. I probaly wouldn't have had sex with them.

Well I don't trust them either so it's all good.

I crawl into my bed and cover myself under the blankets. My hands are still shaking a little, but the twitching has stopped thankfully. I feel safer here. I can imagine I'm home in my own bed. Instead of being in some mental hospital miles away from my real bed.

You know what I think of God? He's an ultimate **authority **that a bunch of **authorities** made up to control people. God is like the scapegoat of the whole deal. The **authorities** made up all these rules and they can't get in trouble for them because the rules aren't their rules, they are God's rules. Religion is just another way for the **authorities** to brainwash the masses. I don't trust God. I have never trusted God. And I haven't been smited down yet. So fuck it.

I wish I would have said that in Group Therapy, instead of sounding like a complete dumbass.

I can only think of a good answer when I don't need the answer anymore.

I wonder if anyone will even notice I didn't go to dinner. They probably won't. I'm not that important.

Neither are they though.

I just need to get through this so I can leave. I need something to look forward to. I need a purpose.

What's a good goal?

Working up the guts to talk to my muse is a good goal. I will get the gift this time. I want it so bad. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I catch it? I've had sex with plenty of people that are HIV positive or that have full blown AIDS. But I just haven't caught it. The doctors said it was a miracle, but it's really a curse.

The one thing I want most in the world is the one thing that eludes me.

Well I'm going to get it not matter what.

I don't care what I have to do. I don't care who I have to do.

I am going to walk out of this hospital HIV positive.

No matter what.

I think that's a good goal.

* * *

**I want to discuss something that I have noticed in a lot of fanfictions.**

**Fishnet shirts and leather pants are NOT cute on guys. Stop making them wear that! And the guyliner thing...wtf? Unless it has something to do with the plot DO NOT make them wear guyliner! It's distracting. Some guys can pull it off but seriously...give it a rest. Ugh. Leather pants? Really? How is that cute?**

**It just bugs me.**

**Review? And tell me what the heck is going on with swine flu! Are we all going to die or what?**


	27. Don't Be Mad

**Your about to hate me...**

**:(**

**I'm going on Hiatus.**

**For one...there are WAY to many other mental hospital stories.**

**Two: I have other stories that are more original that I want to write. I'm getting bored with this.**

**Not to fear!**

**I will update.**

**It just won't be as frequent as before.**

**This isn't abandonment...it's prioritizing.**


	28. Axel: Distraction

**This is a short chapter and is meant to be coupled with another one.**

**But I posted it for MaixcellxNobodyXV you may thank her.**

**I'll write the chapter that goes with it ASAP.**

**It's still a Hiatus.....kind of...I guess...**

* * *

Chapter 27

"What do you mean he's gone?" I say shocked.

"Ansem was asked to leave the hospital earlier today. Don't worry; we are going to get a replacement soon. Therapy sessions are going to be put on hold until then," replies the tiny nurse in front of me.

I stare down at her trying to comprehend the situation, "But-but…I had fire therapy today!"

"I'm sorry, it's been cancelled until we find a replacement," says the nurse with a smile that resembles a doll. I want to wipe that fake smile off her stupid little nurse face!

"What am I suppose to do?" I say slightly panicking. I thought I was going to get fire. I was promised fire! They can't just rip that promise away! That's not right!

"There's music therapy going on right now and a speaker will be coming in later. You can go to one of those or work on schoolwork in the lounge. Now I need to get back to my job," the nurse says turning around and briskly walking away.

I stand still and scratch my head.

I'm not much of a musician.

I can't sit through another speaker.

I haven't even touched the pile of homework I have to do.

I slowly walk back to the lounge searching my brain for something to do. I need to replace the fire. What's as good as fire?

Nothing.

I shuffle into the lounge looking around for some sort of excitement. I see people doing homework. I see people watching TV. I see people playing cards. I see people reading.

But I don't see any excitement.

I slump down on the couch feeling hopeless. I won't get fire today. I probably won't get fire tomorrow. I'll be tortured with my constant thoughts of flames. The prospect seems unbearable to me. I need a distraction.

"Hey."

I look over to see the new kid in all his grunge glory sitting next to me on the couch.

"Sup," I reply.

"Bored as fuck. How about you? What's your name again?" he asks not looking away from the TV.

"I'm Axel. They cancelled my therapy today, so I don't have anything to do either," I sigh.

"That's lucky for you. I hate therapists with their "How does that make you _feel_?" and "Let's get to the _root_ of the problem." They piss me off," says Hayner scowling. I don't really agree with him. I'd much rather be in therapy right now. I don't understand why they got rid of Ansem. He was a good therapist.

At that moment Sora and his friend Riku walk in front of us blocking the TV for a second. Sora shoots me a nervous look before staring at the ground. I glare at him remembering what he said to me in the bathroom. I think I found my distraction. I _do_ have a promise to keep to Sora. I actually keep my promises unlike the staff at this hospital. I'm not going to let him get away saying those things to me.

"That dude pisses me off," Hayner says staring after Sora and Riku.

"Which one?" I ask raising an eyebrow. Maybe I'm not the only one with a Sora problem. Although I don't know how Hayner can dislike someone after only two days here.

"The guy with the silver hair, I just don't like him. He gives off a bad vibe," he replies narrowing his eyes at Riku's back.

"That's Riku. He's here for anger problems. His dad abused him or something," I inform him. It feels weird not being the new guy anymore. I was so scared when I first got here. I wish I was as laid back as Hayner. It probably would have helped me out a lot.

"That's lame. He needs to suck it up; he got hit a few times, big fucking deal," snorts Hayner.

Hayner sounds really harsh. I've heard things about him from other patients. I don't know how many of the rumors are true, but the way he acts in Group was a little strange. He's like a completely different person now. He's not nervous or twitchy at all. Maybe he's like Demyx. Is Demyx still alive? I hope so; he was a nice guy…most of the time. I still don't understand multiple personalities. Which Demyx committed suicide? Was it like a team effort?

"What's the story on that guy?" asks Hayner interrupting my thoughts. I follow his line of sight. He's looking at Luxord playing cards. Yuffie, Alice, Marluxia, and Xigbar are watching him win hand after hand against Zexion. Zexion should know better than to play against Luxord.

"That's Luxord. He's here for drug addiction. He's the master of cheating at cards. Luxord is a cool guy. He's HIV positive though, tough break," I say watching Zexion throw his hands of cards down and storm away from the table.

"I knew it," mutters Hayner smiling victoriously.

"Knew what?" I ask confused.

"Don't worry about it," replies Hayner finally looking away from Luxord.

I'm starting to think some of the rumors are true.

I direct my attention back to the TV feeling unsettled. I'm not really watching the show. I'm busy thinking of ways to make Sora's life a living hell. I know he's terrified of dirt or anything that can hold any sort of germs. I know he hangs out with Riku a lot. He likes to take showers with clothes on. He doesn't like being told he's on drugs or being touched.

But what's something I can do to make him break?

What worst fear can I make come true? I need something that I can do without anyone finding out I did it, except Sora, I want him to know that I kept my promise.

I gaze out the window looking for some inspiration.

I see my revenge. I see it crawling up the window just waiting to carry my plan through.

I smile to myself while moving to the chair by the window.

Oh, this is going to be good.

* * *

**Ugh.**

**CRAP! Like an hour ago I was alll "ooooh Hiatus" and I just practically planned 2 more chapters in my head.**

**Blah**

**I wrote another story.**

**I think it's going to be REALLY good. Like...better than this story.**

**I have plans...good plans for it.**


	29. Sora: Crawling

**I have driver's ed and a giant project on the life of Tim Burton due.**

**Another update before the weekend would be a miracle.**

**Sorry this is short. **

**Read The Entity! (It's about Axel being a serial killer!)**

**Disclaminer: I'm about to stop disclaiming.**

* * *

Chapter 28

Gasp

Gasp

Gasp

Gasp

I take a deep breath feeling tears well up in my eyes.

"HELP! Please someone help me!" I scream slapping my hand against the door. I hear crunching with every slap and my hand feels sticky. I can't see in the darkness, but I can hear something crawling in the cramped closet. My hands feel disgusting, I want to wash them.

Why me? Why?

Axel did this! I thought he forgot about the bathroom incident. He didn't say a word to me for a whole week. Things went back to normal. I was sitting in the art room with Roxas when Axel came in saying that Tifa wanted to see me at the front desk. I, being the idiot that I am, followed him down the hallway. He stopped at one of the janitors closets and pulled out a set of keys. I should have ran at that moment, but I was curious as to what he was doing. Axel opened the door and shoved me in this closet saying something about revenge.

Now I'm trapped.

I can take being trapped in a dark closet for a while.

Maybe even a cold dark closet.

But a closet with something crawling all over the walls and floor?

No, no way, I can't take this!

My ankle starts to itch. I rub my foot against it and I feel something crunching. Something is crawling on me! It's crawling up my legs! I smack my legs wildly trying to stop the crawling.

**Germs!**

**Germs!**

**Germs!**

They've come for me! I broke a routine! I did something wrong! Now the germs are infesting me!

I scream at the top of my lungs in pure agony. There is crawling on my arms, my back, my shoulders, my hair, my belly. I scream and slap at the crawling. My body feels sticky. My hands feel sticky. The crawling won't stop!

"HELP ME! ANYBODY….PLEASE," I scream hitting the door repeatedly. I feel more crunching on the door. My hands are going numb from punching the hard wood.

I slap my face wildly when I feel a germ crawling on my lip. My face feels sticky after the slap. I can hear buzzing in my ears.

The germs are engulfing me.

I run my body into the door.

More crunching.

More stickiness.

I slam against the door again. The shelves pushed against the wall rattle and something clangs to the floor. I can care less now.

The germs are crawling all over me! My skin is itching and twitching from the scuttling of legs. I want them off me! I feel like I can scratch the skin off my body.

I throw myself into the door again and again, screaming for help.

Nobody comes.

Nobody saves me from the awful crawling.

I'm trapped.

I sink down to the ground sobbing and slapping every inch of my body sluggishly. I'm exhausted and hurt from throwing myself into the door.

This is my Hell. I am going to be stuck in this closet until the germs crawl into my body and eat me from the inside out. Then I'm going to die and relive it over and over again in Hell.

I rock back and forth crying from fear and panic. I can feel my lungs restricting from the panic. My mind is cloudy with the need to STOP the crawling.

Oh God

Please

No

I rock against the door hitting my back against it repeatedly. I can only feel the crawling. I can't feel my back hitting the door. I can't my nails digging into my palms. I can only feel the germs crawling across my skin.

There is nothing else in the world but the crawling.

"1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-…" I mutter to myself as I rock against the door.

I deserve this.

I failed my routines.

I deserve the crawling.

Germs crawl across my face tickling my nose. I press my mouth shut and blow air out my nose to keep the germs from crawling up into my brain. I'm crying uncontrollably now. The germs flock around my tears to taste the saltiness.

I feel sick.

I feel gross.

The crawling won't end, it just gets worst. I'm uncontrollably itchy! I just want to die. I want this to end.

I feel the door push against me back.

I jump up and move to the back of the closet away from the door. The crawling must have infested outside too. There's nothing but the crawling! The door is going to open and the crawling is going to avalanche into the closet and crawl down my throat inside of me.

No!

No!

Light filters into the closet. I squint my eyes closed bracing myself for it to end.

"Hello?…What the?...Holy Shit!" I hear someone shout.

I slowly open my eyes to look at the figure in the doorway. It's just a black looming figure outlined in the light from the hallway. I can see the black mass of the crawling scuttling across the floor.

"I somebody there? Oh god…," the figure moves closer to me.

This is it. This is the end. The black figure is going to throw me into the crawling. I press myself back into the wall as far away from the figure as possible. I just want to be home with the colored glass and my grandma. I don't want to die. I want to live in a little room that I can organize and disinfect as much as I want. I don't want to be near the crawling.

I'm not ready for this.

I try to take in a breath, but my lungs don't want to breathe anymore.

"Its okay, son," says the dark figure reaching out to me.

The figure's hand raps around my arm. The crawling hits my senses again at full force in a cacophony of buzzing and itching.

I try to breathe one more time before my legs buckle under me and I fall into the crawling darkness.

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**I feel itchy.**

**Review?**


	30. Hayner: Flippin A Dick

**It's been quite a while. **

**Sorry. Lost my will to write. I'm caught up in the glorious SUMMER!**

**I'll try harder.**

**=)**

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Chapter 30

Everyone has a place in the world.

Everyone has their own little niche they fit into exactly right.

What went wrong with me? Did the retarded egg get fertilized by the damaged sperm? Sometimes I feel like I find my place and then I don't fit right. It's like I'm suffocating in my own body. I can't feel happy without some chemical help. My happy emotion was damaged at some point. I've spent hours trying to pinpoint the moment I broke my happy.

All I figured out was that my life sucks and I should have killed myself a long time ago. It's a miracle I'm not six feet under. I'm alive out of spite.

I'm a freaking teenager! I should be going to stupid parties and have a girlfriend who makes a big deal over her stupid virginity. My parents should be breathing down my neck to get into a good college. I should be pulling pranks on teachers. I should have a curfew. I should get into fights with football jerks. I should be normal!

I'm just….inadequate. I'm fucked up beyond repair. There was a point when it becomes _real_. When you've done enough drugs to the point where it's addiction and not just for fun. When you've had enough sex to call it slutty and not experimentation. When you're not a kid anymore and you can't make these mistakes.

My insides feel rotted.

The biggest accomplishment of my life is probably going to be……….I can't even think of anything worthwhile!

Waste of space!

Damn…

"Aren't you going to take your pills?"

I look up to see that guy with the white hair staring at me. He creeps me out.

"No," I say stiffly.

"You have to or they'll force feed them to you," warns Riku.

"Tell the **authorities** I'm too busy at the moment," I reply looking out the window again.

"Busy doing what?" asks Riku raising an eyebrow. I don't like when people pry into my business. They wouldn't understand anything I tell them. And if they did understand they wouldn't be the sort of person I should talk to.

"I'm wallowing in the depths of self pity. I have about ten more minutes of this until my schedule opens up," The words come out of my mouth smoothly without any emotion. I wanted to say "fuck off" but of course I never get what I want. My mouth likes to blurt out smartass stuff on its own accord.

"Whatever," shrugs Riku turning around and walking out of the lounge. I'm a little sad to see him go. I haven't made any friends here at all. I mean, I don't usually make friends, but I thought in this place with all the other crazy people I would find something close to a friend or at least an acquaintance.

Ergh! What the hell am I suppose to do? I wish I could go see Pence and Olette. They probably don't even know I'm here. My parents will try and hush it all up probably. They hush up everything that they don't like.

I see the counselor dude from Group walk into the lounge and look around. His eyes rest on me and he walks straight towards me. I glare at him hoping he'll back the fuck off! I really just want everyone to give me some freaking space.

But I don't want them to.

It's complicated. It's like I want to someone to ask me what's wrong but once they do I want them to leave me alone. And I act like a complete dick to assure they won't ever try talking to me again. Then I beat myself up over being a dick. Then I resent the person for never talking to me again.

I know it doesn't make any sense. But I just can't stop myself from going through that miserable cycle again and again.

"So, are you going to sit here all day? It doesn't look too fun," asks the counselor **authority** dude.

"There's nothing else to do," I reply with a little too much attitude behind it.

"Have you even tried anything?" chuckles **Authority.**

"No," I say getting annoyed.

"There's a music room. Do you like music?"

"No," I reply.

"There's an art room. Do you like to paint or draw or something?" asks Leon ignoring how pissed off I am getting.

"No."

"There are books to read. You can go to some support therapies. You can do homework. You can go socialize. You need to do _something_," says Leon obviously grasping at straws.

"Why?" I challenge.

"Do you just want to sit there your whole life and accomplish nothing?" I guess this was supposed to be **Authority's **attempt atprofound words or something. Words that make me look at my life and have a total epiphany. But he's just pissing me off by reminding what a waste I am.

"God, you're fucking annoying," I mutter standing up and walking towards the exit of the lounge. The **authority** gets up and grabs onto my arm before I can react. My eyes widen in shock at how quick his hand was.

"Where do you think you're going? I was talking to you. I've dealt with your type before. You're going to sulk around with your angsty little pessimistic thoughts until your parents decide they are done paying for your vacation here. I'm sick of it. Lose the attitude, or I can make your time here hell on earth. Got it?," growls the **authority** tightening his grip on my arm to the point where I feel my fingertips going numb from lack of blood flow.

I turn my head to look him completely in the face for the first time. He has a nasty scar right between his eyebrows that I can't believe I didn't notice before. "That's right. Try and fit me into a "type". Group me in somewhere that you have set directions on how to deal with me! I'm guessing this is the firm approach? Let me tell ya, it's working wonders," I say sarcastically.

The **Authority** stares at me with cold eyes. I stare back calmly refusing to look away. I know _his_ type. He thinks I'm being like this on purpose. It's not anyone's fault that I'm dysfunctional but my own. And he's probably going to try to "straighten me out" by being a complete jerk off.

"I don't tolerate back talk. I want you to go back to your room for the rest of the evening and work on your attitude. I want to see a whole new Hayner tomorrow morning," he glares at me until I rip my arm out of his grip. I feel that my face is twisted into a scowl, but I don't try to bring back any composure. Of course they are going to tell me what to do! They are going to try and _change_ me. They want to _save _me. Well FUCK that!

I slam my fist into the blindingly bright wall as soon as I get out of the lounge. My hand hurts like a bitch, but the wall is unblemished. And it's pissing me off, sitting there, all perfectly holding up the roof.

**Walls are meant to be broken down!**

I punch the wall again. I ignore the shock running up my arm. I ignore the pain. I want to destroy this wall. It's all I'm good at! I've only been able to destroy things! I punch the wall until the white paint has red blood smeared over it. I stomp down the hallway hitting different sections of the wall. If I can't smash the wall to pieces, I might as well get rid of the mocking white paint.

"Hey! Stop that!"

I ignore whoever is yelling at me. Just forget that. FORGET IT!

"Dude, the wall never did anything to you."

I turn to face the **authority**, "Don't….don't even _try_ to tell me what to do."

That red haired guy, Axel, raises an eyebrow, "I'm not telling you what to do. Seriously calm down, you're flippin a dick for no reason."

I feel the anger at the wall seep out of my like a balloon deflating. I just feel stupid now. I'm embarrassed. I've made an idiot out of myself the whole time I've been here. I'm not mad anymore, so now I'm going to be all depressed with myself.

"…….I'm sorry," I mutter.

"You don't have to apologize to me. Jeez, just take control of yourself dude," says Axel looking at my bleeding knuckles.

"Yeah, your one to talk," I reply remembering his fire addiction. He of all people shouldn't be lording self-control over me.

"True," smirks Axel, "You are one little prick. What was it? Bad home life? Traumatizing experience? Hmmm?"

"Huh?" I ask confused.

"What are you blaming this on? Hmm? Who made you so fucked up?" asks Axel in an almost sarcastic voice. But his face is dead serious.

"Uh, I don't know," I shrug.

"Sure you know! Everyone blames their flaws on something! See my dad walked out on my family. I grow an emotional attachment to fire to fill the void. Oh and I'm only mean to my brother and mom because I'm afraid they'll leave me too! See! It's my dad's fault, not mine," says Axel with a creepy laugh that runs chills up my spine. Axel takes a few steps closer to me. His eyes look just like cat's eyes. I heard cats can steal your soul just by staring at you.

"Oh okay," I mutter starting to feel uncomfortable.

"So what do you think?" says Axel softly getting too into my space.

"I think you should back off."

Axel twists his mouth into a half grin, "Only ignorant people don't have opinions."

"Oh, I'm _very_ ignorant," I say desperately wanting him to go away. Axel is so close that every time he breathes out I breathe in his exhales. I am literally breathing his air. Or he is breathing my air. Whatever way you see it.

"I need to go to my r-room," I say trying to step around him.

"Alright, it was nice talking to you," smiles Axel while stepping out of my way. He goes completely back to normal, like he didn't just go all creepy on me.

"Okaaay," I mutter hurrying down the hall away from him.

"I hope you find someone to blame!" calls Axel after me.

For some reason I cringe at his words. I just want to get away from him. I don't like his questions. I don't like the conversation he wants to have with me. I DON'T have anyone to blame.

I have myself.

I did this to myself. I made these decisions. Axel is just in some weird denial. Maybe blaming someone makes him feel better, but it won't help him in the long run. He seems crazier than ever.

I did all the wrong decisions, me, no one made me, it was all me! I just need to do the opposite from now on. I can't keep this up. I'm sick of this anger. I'm sick of feeling sick.

But being bad...is so much fun.

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**Review? Or a hobo gets set ablaze!**


	31. Ahem Hem Hem

**Alright I know most of were probably very excited to see a new chapter.**

**And I'm sorry to disappoint. But trust me…this I good news.**

**I'm going to rewrite Betcha Just Might Swallow Your Tongue.**

**I was re-reading it and after noticing all the plot holes and mistakes and better plots I could've gone with, I think it calls for a spectacular re-write!**

**I'll keep the old one up. Just for kicks and giggles.**

**The new story may have some old chapters with new parts added. Or completely new chapters! And some of the characters may change a little bit. But it's all for the better and I hope you'll read it and enjoy it!  
**

**Come on, who doesn't like crazy people?**

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